Potential adoptive parents are really put in the spotlight and asked to share information about all aspects of their lives, all the way back from childhood, up to current events and feelings in their lives.  All of this personal investigating can leave potential adoptive parents feeling vulnerable, and worried that they will not be "good enough" to adopt a child.

Throughout the PRIDE parenting classes, the potential adoptive parents are continuously asked questions about their own lives, their beliefs, and feelings.  They are constantly examining the right ways of parenting versus the common mistakes that many families make.  This can put pressure on the parents to appear perfect, to get all of the right answers, and have a fairy tale autobiography.

Even in domestic infant adoption there is a pressure to be perfect, as hopeful adoptive parents put together a page, or short scrapbook about themselves and their lives, hoping that an expecting mother will see their profile, and choose them to raise her baby.  The pressure to appear as the perfect couple to place your baby with during this time is enormous for hopeful adoptive parents.  The longer they have to wait for an expecting mother to pick them, the more they judge themselves, and deem themselves less worthy than others who have adopted quicker than them.

It is so important to realize that social workers and expecting mothers are not looking for perfect people, perfect couples, perfect singles, perfect childhoods, or perfect relationships.  They are looking for real people, honest people, people who were smart enough to have learned from their mistakes in the past and not repeated any behaviors that may have gotten them into trouble as a young adult.  People who care about others, and can put their feelings aside to help a damaged child whether that child loves them or not.  Strong people who can face a challenge, and rise above the tough times, sticking it through until the end.

It is okay if you made mistakes in the past.  It is okay if you are not rich, or do not attend church, as long as you are an positive member of society who follows the law and takes care of your current responsibilities--chances are that at some point you will have a child in your home.  No one can be perfect, it is impossible to achieve, stop stressing, as long as you are true to yourself and who you really are, then you are representing yourself perfectly.