It's so interesting ... I experience flashbacks in a completely different way than what you described. I've found that some of my siblings describe them as very different from what I experience too. Thanks for sharing.

I am sorry, I stumbled across your blog by accident when searching for information / or personal stories of flashbacks and memories of childhood abuse. I know you are trying to help others and here I am talking about me. But I have been so afraid. What you describe as a flashback and the aftermath of one is so familiar to me. I feel like I am going crazy. One minute I am sad, or so scared I cant help but hide under my desk or the any place that is dark small and hidden. Sometimes I am so angry, sometimes I feel so ashamed and then guilty like I should never talk about it because it is betraying my family. Yesterday was the first time I told my therapist what happened - I wrote it then read it to her. Some parts I couldn't read. the extremes of emotion I am feeling now are overwhelming. Part of me says I should never have told her and part of me is so relieved that finally I did. Then part of me is like, you are crazy it can't all be true. I feel so ashamed, sad, scared, mad, relieved and confused. I feel like I could just bash my head into a wall and make everything shut up (I will not do that, I just need some relief). Can you understand? Can I make i past this?

When I was little I enjoyed spending weekends and sometimes weeks with my paternal grandparents.  During some of my visits, they would take me to relatives' and friends' houses.  During one such visit - I must have been about 4 or so - I was taken out into a field and molested by a teenage boy.  I have always been able to remember the house and the faces of the brothers sitting in their bedroom (only one of them molested me), but I could not place who they were.  Despite my efforts to describe the situation to some family members, no one could tell me who it was.

On Saturday, we celebrated my grandfather's 75th birthday at his house.  We had lots of family in attendance, including some of my father's cousins many of whom I barely know.  As I was in the living room playing with my son and with some of my cousin's kids, a man arrived.  He said hello and then walked into the backyard where the festivities were taking place.  Since I wasn't familiar with my dad's extended family, I just assumed he was a cousin or some other distant relative.  A few minutes later, not suspecting anything, I took my son into the backyard to join the adults.  I walked onto the patio and looked around to survey the crowd.  Against the wall, this man had joined another, one of my father's cousins, who had been at the party for at least an hour.  When I saw the two of them together, I flashed back to that bedroom...to the field.  It happened in a split second, and yet I felt as though I was stuck in that moment for minutes.  I couldn't believe it.  I approached my step mom and asked who he was.  She hadn't seen him in few years; he had long hair, but recently cut it very short.  We had to ask my aunt, who confirmed that he was a cousin.  The two of us were in disbelief.  I was in shock. 

FaithA discusses the aftermath of flashbacks.  When I was going through therapy dealing with the physical abuse I suffered at the hands of someone who was not really my step dad, I experienced the anger, pain and grief.  This was different.  Although I felt an out-of-body experience - feeling as though I wasn't at the party, despite standing in the center of the patio - I finally found that missing piece of the puzzle.  I felt a sense of calm.  I felt relieved in a way.   

We left shortly thereafter without saying anything to anyone about the issue.