A reader wants to know:

Should race matter in the adoption process?

Whether or not race should matter in the adoption process, the reality is that race is a factor, just as age, gender, religion, and other differences matter in the adoption process. When I was going through the adoption process, I was shocked about how specific I was expected to be in what type of baby or child I was hoping to adopt. I had no idea that I was going to have to say yes or no to multiple health issues in both the baby as well as the birth parents. The process worked both ways – the birth mother was the one choosing which adoptive family would parent her baby, and she could specify the age, race, religion, and other factors that she felt comfortable with.

The race of the child placed for adoption and the adoptive parents does not matter in the sense of one race being “better” than another. What matters is that you have a good match. Any adoptive parents who are racist have no business adopting a child outside of their race, and thank goodness the screening during the adoption process prevents this from happening. No child deserves to be raised by parents who devalue him for any reason, whether it is for race, gender, or any other factor.

Anyone who is considering a transracial adoption needs to go into it with his eyes open. Transracial adoptions come with their own potential issues that are not experienced when people adopt a child of the same race.

One of the more lighthearted issues is learning how to take care of the child’s hair. It is a fact that African-American (AA) hair and Caucasian (CC) hair require different care. I have heard comical stories of CC foster parents forcing AA children to wash their hair every day, only to learn firsthand what happens when you try to treat AA hair like CC hair. Anyone who wants a transracial adoption needs to be willing to educate herself about differences like these.

The more difficult issues arise by interacting with society at large. Some people are still bigoted toward transracial families, and their comments can be hurtful to adoptive families. Anyone who wants to adopt a child of another race needs to be prepared to deal with insensitive remarks. Unfortunately, she will also have to teach her adopted child how to deal with them as well.

I know many transracial adoptive families, and the love is just the same as you see in any other family. All of these families will tell you that they have encountered different treatment, at least from time to time, and most of them have great attitudes in dealing with the rudeness that they sometimes face.

Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt