We have found my adopted daughter’s birthmother in Guatemala. The searcher who took this upon herself has sent us photographs and updated information.

Three years and ten months ago I was getting acquainted with my soon to be adopted daughter in a hotel in Guatemala City. A new friend and fellow adoptive parent asked me if I’d ever want to meet my daughter’s birthmother. At that time, I clearly remember saying “no”; having an “involved” birthmother was not something I wanted.

No sooner had I brought Ella home from Guatemala and I found myself poring over the adoption documents learning whatever I could about the birthparents and trying to fill in the spaces between the lines. I wanted to meet the person who had given birth to this baby who was incredibly adorable and loveable, to share the important milestones with her, and thank her for the ultimate and painful sacrifice she had made. I decided that one day I would search for her even though she had requested no future contact. Perhaps she had changed her mind.

My gut instinct said “go ahead, do it.” 

It was the right decision

Other reasons I had a birthmother search done:

1. Listening to adoptees over the last four years convinced me of an adoptee’s need to have as much information about her birthparents as possible, and in some cases the opportunity to meet them as well.

2. Most birthmothers in Guatemala want to know that their child is alive, healthy, and loved. So many rumors about the welfare of adopted children circulate in Guatemala, the worst being that they are adopted for their body organs.

3. I wanted to know if my daughter was kidnapped or stolen from her birthmother, or if the birthmother was coerced into placing her for adoption. I am relieved to announce that the information we received from the lawyer and family court in Guatemala was accurate.

MY DAUGHTER WAS NOT STOLEN OR KIDNAPPED. HER MOTHER WAS NOT COERCED INTO PLACING HER FOR ADOPTION.

4. When I adopted Ella, I adopted her country of birth. I already send money to Guatemala; I would like to be sending that money to Ella’s birth family.

5. If I were an adoptee, I would want to know EVERYTHING about my adoption and birth family.

And why did I search for the birthmother now? Why didn’t I wait until my daughter is older and let her decide if she wants to initiate a search?

1. Some decisions should not be left up to children to make. If my daughter does not want contact with her birthmother in the future, I will not push it. It will be her decision to make, but I want her to have the option to have contact if she so desires and the birthmother is open to that.

2. Although Mayan people generally live their entire lives not far from their birth place, the younger generations now migrate more in search of work. Once they are gone from their villages it is harder to find them without help from family members, who are often reluctant to give out information to strangers. My daughter is Mayan; the majority of children adopted from Guatemala are as well.

3. I was able to find a searcher who would go into an indigenous area. Some are not willing to do this anymore because of the dangers involved. Mayan people have strong feelings against adoption. Adoptions are kept hushed up if they occur. Honestly, I had mixed feelings about putting the searcher and the birthmother in danger. How could I live with myself if something happened to either of them? I was reassured that unnecessary risks would not be taken. The searcher understands the indigenous culture well, is respectful of it, and is a "savvy searcher."

4. I have the time, energy and financial means to do this search now. As an older adoptive parent I felt it wise not to postpone it.

 If you are the parent of a child adopted from Guatemala, should you be doing a search for your child’s birth family? And if so, how would you go about it?

Follow my blogs in 2010 to read more about birthmother searches. 

In order to protect and respect my daughter and her birthmother’s privacy, I have not given details. However I will share that this has been a wonderfully positive and emotionally powerful  experience for Ella, her birthmother, her birthmother’s family and me. I will be eternally thankful to "A" who performed this search for us.