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Home Blogs FaithA's blog

Abused Adopted Child and Emotional Flashbacks

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Submitted by FaithA on Mon, 02/04/2008 - 10:39
  • abused child
  • Adoptee health
  • Adoptees
  • child abuse
  • emotional flashbacks
  • foster adoption
  • post-traumatic stress disorder
  • PTSD
  • Traumatized children

If your adopted child was abused before he joined your home, he might experience emotional flashbacks. An emotional flashback is a seemingly overreaction to something that is happening today, but it is really about the child's reaction to a trauma that he has not yet healed.

For example, your child might be obsessed with being on time. If she is only one minute late to an event, she might become physical ill and irritable. Or your child might become a pain to be around as Christmas or his birthday nears, no matter how hard you try to make that special occasion a pleasant experience.

Here is how an emotional flashback happens. Let's say that your child was beaten on Christmas morning in his former home. His brain has now made a connection between Christmas and pain. As Christmas rolls around, any mention of Christmas triggers the emotions that he has repressed from that beating. Because he is being flooded by feelings of terror and helplessness, he reacts to those feelings, becoming irritable and emotional. Each time you tell him to be happy about Christmas, he feels betrayed because why would he feel happy about being beaten?

Emotional flashbacks are not only triggered by big holidays. Any event that triggers the memories and emotions from a traumatic experience can cause an emotional flashback. The child very likely is not even aware of what is happening, only that she feels helpless.

If you notice your child overreacting to a seemingly harmless event (this includes self-injuring or using another coping tool), raise your antenna. If this happens more than once (such as becoming very upset at being one minute late repeatedly), then consider the possibility that your child is experiencing an emotional flashback.

The only way to heal emotional flashbacks is to heal the underlying pain. Your child is going to need your assistance in doing this. First, talk with your child about his overreaction. Ask him what he is feeling when the stimulus happens. He might need your help in attaching words to his emotions because traumatized children are frequently out of touch with labeling emotions.

Next, talk about what might have happened in the child's past to trigger the emotional reaction. The child might be able to identify the cause immediately, or the child might have repressed the memory.

It is possible that asking these questions could trigger a flashback. If it does, that is a good thing because remembering the trauma is a part of healing. If your child does begin having flashbacks, be sure to schedule an appointment with a qualified child psychologist so your child will have a professional to help him work through his memories.

Once your child knows why he is reacting the way that he is, he will then have the power to soothe himself. You can help him to develop positive ways to self-soothe when he feels an emotional flashback coming.

Related topic:

Having an Emotional Flashback

Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt

 

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Susan in Maine's picture

Traumatized Children

Submitted by Susan in Maine (not verified) on Mon, 02/04/2008 - 12:22.

This is an important message to get to parents. I’d like to make a couple of comments based on my experience.

One thing to think about is that what is felt as abuse from the child’s perspective may be very different than what we, as adults, see as abuse. An example of this is extensive medical treatment. My daughter had multiple surgeries and medical treatments before she came to us. Unfortunately a small child (Maya was 2) cannot understand the difference between life-saving treatment and an intentionally inflicted injury! Another example may be gun shots (violent, scary and dangerous) vs. fireworks (safe and fun).

Your child is probably not aware that this is an emotional flashback, and may not have the language to explain to you what is happening. Many of these memories can be pre-verbal, or, if adopted from another country, may be in a different language. It really helps to ask directing questions. An example might be "I noticed that it bothers you when we're late. Are you scared? What do you think is going to happen?" I've also found that getting down to the child's eye level really helps, as does maintaining physical contact.

My own experience also has taught me that recognizing the triggers and addressing them ahead of time in a calm manner really helps. My daughter, now 9 1/2, still can be very anxious if she doesn't know exactly where her father and I are. If we leave the house, we take care to explain to her where we are going and how long we'll be gone. And she's been with us for over seven years!

Great topic!

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FaithA's picture

Thanks!!

Submitted by FaithA on Mon, 02/04/2008 - 13:42.

That was GREAT information. Thank you for elaborating on the topic.

- Faith

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We must BE the change we wish to see in the world. - Ghandi

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