Talking with Abused Adopted Child about Severe Abuse
I have a personal blog that I write to encourage adult survivors of child abuse along their healing journeys. I keep track of the topics that bring people over to that blog. I have been surprised that I get the most page views for topics on severe forms of child abuse, such as mother-daughter sexual abuse or animal rape. Those are tough topics that most people do not want to think about, much less talk about. If you have adopted a child who has suffered from one of the more severe forms of child abuse, you might be at a loss about how to talk with your child about the abuse. People do not even want to acknowledge that these severe forms of abuse happen at all, so finding resources in helping your adopted child work through issues related to severe forms of abuse might be challenging. Finding a good therapist is always a wise idea. Your child needs to talk about the abuse, and he needs you to listen. No matter how hard it is for you to hear about these abuses, your child needs you to hear him. He needs to see the look of horror on your face that anyone could ever do those things to a child, and he needs to hear you say repeatedly that the abuse was not his fault. Even more importantly, your child needs you to be able to look him in the eye and feel the same way about him after you know these things about him. All forms of child abuse come with shame, but there is an added level of shame involved in some forms of abuse, such as same-sex sexual abuse or animal rape. Children who have suffered from animal rape may question whether they are even "human" after the experience. They need to hear you say that nothing that anyone ever did to them could change the value of who they are. Related Topics:
Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt
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Good illustration
Have you seen the object lesson on value, done with a twenty dollar bill? It's such a good one because kids and teens really "get it".
No, I haven't
No, I have not heard of the object lesson on value. I would love to hear about it. Can you provide a summary or a link to it? Maybe I can use that in my discussions w/adult abuse survivors who struggle w/feelings of self-worth.
- Faith
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We must BE the change we wish to see in the world. - Ghandi
I have!
I've heard of that lesson before, and I loved it! Wasn't it a Foster Cline creation?
I have no idea...
...who created it. I have seen it used numerous times by different people. Of course they all do it differently too, though the content remains the same.
You hold up a crisp new twenty dollar bill and ask who wants it. Of course everyone raises their hand. Then you crumple it up, and ask again. Still everyone wants it. You can ask everyone to stomp on it, run it outside and drag it through the dirt. You can scribble on it, or even tear it in half. People will still want it. Because it still has the same value, no matter how nasty it looks. Even torn in half it can be turned in for a new one.
Kids really respond with the light bulb over the head, because they realize that something has value because of what it is, not because of what has been done to it, or how it looks. In fact, the value does not change at all. That twenty is as desirable in the end, as it was in the beginning.
Which is why you then lay the twenty on the floor and tell the kids that the first one who can hop over it while holding onto their toes with their hands, can have it. This results in a lot of teens landing face first on the rug, which can be somewhat amusing.
I love it!!
Thank you for sharing that. I will definitely use the analogy when talking with adult survivors of child abuse.
The analogy that I use is burying a valuable diamond with manure. The abusers held up a mirror and said, "You are manure" for so many years that the diamond believes this about itself, but even a Mt. Everest pile of manure cannot change the worth of the diamond underneath.
The metaphor with the $20 is more powerful because it is tangible. I do not have a valuable diamond or a pile of manure (not would I want the manure!!).
- Faith
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We must BE the change we wish to see in the world. - Ghandi
what is the best way to
what is the best way to educate children about child abuse?
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