Over on my personal blog, I have been exploring what it means to be “successful” and “healed” after child abuse. When I first entered into therapy, my goal was to be a “normal” person who did not struggle with the aftermath of the abuse. While my therapist told me from Day One that this was an unrealistic goal, I have held onto this goal for many years and have frequently become frustrated with my inability to shed all of the obstacles from the abuse.

This week, I have (very reluctantly) been facing the reality that obstacles from my severely traumatizing childhood are always going to be a part of my life. I am not happy about this. In fact, I am rather p@$$ed off at the thought of my abusers “winning” because the aftermath of their abuse will always taint my life.

However, my reality is that the abuse was that severe, and an entire lifetime is not going to be long enough for me to remove every obstacle, such as nightmares and occasional flashbacks. While I recognized that I would always have “residue,” I was unwilling until recently to accept that I would always have obstacles.

I am in the process of becoming okay with this reality. Obstacles can be overcome, so those obstacles do not have to limit how I live my life. Nevertheless, obstacles must be acknowledged and worked around in order for me to go where I want to go.

I am inspired by a fellow child abuse survivor who owns and Isurvive, which is a message board for child abuse survivors. She is a quadriplegic, but none of us ever knew this about her until she decided to share her story. Even though she does not have the use of her arms or legs and lives in a wheel chair, she manages an entire site that has saved many lives. She deals with suicidal phone calls and posted messages on a regular basis. Her physical obstacles have not prevented her from making a huge difference in the lives of many hurting people.

The same is true for your abused adopted child. Your child is always going to have obstacles to overcome because of his history of child abuse. Nevertheless, your child does not have to be limited by those obstacles. Only he can choose how far to go and how hard to work to get where he wants to go. It is important that your child acknowledge those obstacles, recognize their impact on his life, and then decide to work around or through them.

Related Topics:

• Facing the Reality of the Rest of My Life after Child Abuse
• Facing Reality and Having Compassion Toward Myself after Child Abuse

Photo credit: JulieC