Many traumatized children have no idea how to have fun. When you live in an abusive household, having fun is hardly a priority to those living in the home. Everything revolves around meeting the abuser’s wants/needs. There is no room for fun. Any fun that the child had was tempered with the fear of being abused again. Even worse, some “games” were used against the child to harm him.

Now that your foster or adopted child is living in your home, he needs you to teach him how to have fun. He needs to learn that it is okay to have a good time, and he might need you to show him how to do it. Your foster or adopted child might not have experienced much laughter before joining your home. Teaching him how to have fun and laugh can be a wonderful present from you to him.

Before your foster or adopted child can let down her guard, she needs to know that she is safe. This is doubly true for any child who experienced mind games as part of games in an abusive household. For example, some pedophiles use the “tickle” game as a way to move their hands where they should not go. Some sadistic abusers play “hide and seek” so that the loser (always the child) loses something that she loves. Until the child feels safe, she will not be able to let down her guard enough to have fun.

Once the child feels safe, you might find the child is more than ready to dive in and start having fun. However, many traumatized children will not be this way. They might need to play a game over and over before they trust that there is no “trick” involved. Having other children in the home (whether adoptive siblings, cousins, or family friends) can help speed the process along. As your child observes the glee that other children experience by having fun, your child can learn to let down his guard as well.

Thankfully, having fun with your child is one of the best parts of parenting, so hopefully you won’t mind practicing having fun until your child “gets it.”

Photo credit: JulieC