Following up on Faith and Julia’s recent blogs on race and adoption, I’d like to put in my two quetzals. Like Julia I am an adoptive parent in a transracial adoption. For me it was a “no brainer” to adopt a child of a different race. Racism towards people who are different than me has never been a part of who I am. I was raised in a home with zero tolerance for racism, ethnic jokes and racist remarks.

But the fact that transracial adoption is a no brainer for me does not make it a no brainer for my daughter. Let’s start with a simple fact that young children notice from a very young age: my daughter will never look in the mirror and say that her skin or hair or eyes are the same as mine.. She will never be able to physically identify with me. We are on the opposite ends of the physical spectrum.

As my daughter gets older these differences will be pointed out to her by her friends, classmates and from what we have already experienced in the 3 ½ years since Ella came home to us insensitive and downright ignorant strangers. I will never be able to truly understand her pain, discomfort and g_d forbid fear from discrimination because we are not physically the same. I do not have her beautiful brown skin, black hair and dark brown eyes. I am blonde, fair skinned and blue eyed. Even though I will be infuriated, frustrated and wanting to punish anyone who hurts my daughter, I will not feel the discrimination at the gut level like she does. She will know this as well, and perhaps hold that against me. Time will tell.

As Faith said, “some people are still bigoted toward transracial families and their comments can be hurtful to adoptive families.” I’m afraid it is more than some and hurtful is an understatement.

Knowing what I know now, would I recommend that people stick to their own race when adopting? Not necessarily – I certainly would make the same choice and would do it again in a nano second. Adoption is not for wimps; transracial adoption is really not for wimps. You and your child will be tested in ways you never imagined and you will be shown an ugly and unforgiveable side of some people, possibly your own family members, friends and acquaintances.

As parents of adopted children in transracial adoptions it is a given that we must protect our children from racists and bigots and provide them with the tools to confront and survive in the face of discrimination, coming out with their souls and spirits intact. This is not an easy lesson for those of us in a transracial adoption to teach, after all, we’ve never walked a centimeter in their shoes.

For further reading on this subject here are some interesting websites for your perusal.

Love isn't enough - raising a family in a colorstruck world..

Adopted: The Comic

Heart, Mind and Seoul