Why Can’t Foster Parents Use Corporal Punishment
“Corporal punishment is the deliberate infliction of pain and suffering intended to punish a person or change his/her behavior,” from Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. Foster parents are not allowed to use any type of corporal punishment. Some examples are spanking, hitting, slapping, or pushing. One of the reasons behind this licensing regulation is that children who have suffered abuse and trauma will not respond to this type of discipline. To them, it is more of the same and puts the foster parents in the same category as the abuser in the child’s eyes.
A child who has been repeatedly hit, spanked, or suffered other physical abuse has probably learned to disassociate from the punishment. When it is over, the child may have no conscious recollection of the action. This is the brain's way of protecting the child. Therefore, foster parents must typically develop a relationship with the foster child before any disciplinary actions will work. When children enter foster care it can actually take weeks or months before they respond to any discipline.
Say for example the foster parent threatens to take away a bedtime treat. So what, do you know how many meals the child has missed already? Hunger is a familiar feeling; it is what the child expects. The foster parent then decides to take away a toy, or video game time. The child has already lost everything so it is to be expected and has no effect. The parents may have sold new toys received from relatives for birthdays and Christmas to buy drugs, so the child is used to losing toys.
It can take a long time for the foster child to care about the foster parent. Typically, the traumatized child will not respond to the foster parents discipline until that happens. It can be a long road. That is why foster parents cannot use corporal punishment.
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I still don't think ANYONE
I still don't think ANYONE should use corporal punishment, but this is because i hate the notion of hitting anyone for any reason.
Especially kids!
The comments referring to
The comments referring to 'taking away' are certainly correct when dealing with an older child. And yes, for most foster kids, they HAVE had most---if not all things taken away. I would agree with you for the most part.
However, there are times when simply standing a child in the corner for an offense is clearly more of a punishment, than something else. (*And no, I can't necessarily give a good 'other' discipline either.) Sometimes, when the child is very young, standing in the corner actually brings about more anger and resentment---and problems---than something much more tangible.
A good example of this is when a child has a problem with sexually acting out...along with, say, oppositional defiant behaviors. You instruct the child to stand in the corner for----only a few minutes.
The child, in turn, decides to sexually act out....or, physically act out (we had one child who loved to bang his head against the corner until it bled...if we didn't catch it soon enough. He was four years old.)
So NOW, the fp has the added behavior---on top of the original offense! Moreover, when the fp comes to the child in the corner, in order to correct the sexual or physical acting out-----the child begins to bite the fp. THEN, you have yet, ANOTHER inappropriate behavior....and the list goes on and on.
Certainly, the fp could decide to restrain the child in a basket hold, perhaps. (Though I've been told 'holding' is now considered abuse too. (shrugging the shoulders here).)
But my point is, sometimes, the 'putting the child in the corner' is only asking for more problems in the end.
As I said, I couldn't often tell any fp WHAT to do 'in that case'....because I've personally seen it escalate to such a degree....the older child in the corner---then chose to kick in the wall, throw the chair across the room, bite the fp, etc, etc, etc.
And some would tell you (and I'm ONLY SAYING, 'some')....'If you'd just given a swift swat on the bottom, it would have made the point and everyone could have gone on with whatever appropriate behaviors they would do'.
While I'm NOT saying I'd advocate this, I HAVE seen it...and I've seen it work.
I've seen abused kids, respond well to corporal punishment too. (Kids that were eventually adopted.) And....again, I"m NOT saying this is correct....but, I HAVE seen it work.
As one adoptive mom said to me once, 'there's a huge difference between hitting a child and abusing them, verses a 'swift swat on the bottom'.
I know...I know.....there'll be others who'll swear corporal punishment NEVER works. I've BTDT.......and I have to say, I HAVE seen times when it's been effective...and it wasn't 'hitting'. Not even close to it.
Sincerely,
Linny
it's not just about what works
It's not just about what works, though. I am not a parent yet, but I've had dogs for 11 years and worked in the animal welfare agency for 4. When it comes to dogs, swats on the rump or the snout "work", but they also damage your relationship with the animal. The dog responds out of fear, not because they respect you as the pack leader. Does a swat hurt the dog? Not physically, no. But relationally it does. And while it may "work" in the moment, in the long run it's really not as effective as gentler methods. When it comes to dogs, the method that gets results AND preserves the relationship is by far the most effective.
I know kids are not dogs, but in my experience with children I believe the same principle applies.
Let me qualify all this by saying I haven't worked with foster kids and I have no answer for how to best discipline them. I'm sure they are in a league all their own. But in general, I think swatting a child really isn't the best way to go. It really should be a last resort, and preferably never used at all.
(But I have worked with dogs professionally and I can tell you, NEVER SWAT YOUR DOG! :) )
Yeah, I would say swatting
Yeah, I would say swatting anything with sharp teeth that will bite in anger is a bad idea.
It's also not very nice.
Dissociation
What you said about dissociation is definitely true. I used to spend hours with my mother-abuser and then have only a vague recollection of the time I spent with her. This was true even in adulthood when I still had contact with her. When I was in my mid-thirties, we drove two hours in a car together to visit my sister and then two hours back. Later that day, when hub asked how the drive went, I truly could not remember most of the visit. I was aware of driving my mother in the car and that we talked, but I could not for the life of me remember any details about that visit.
- Faith
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