Any traumatized adopted child has internalized a number of negative messages. For example, an abusive or neglectful birth parent might have told the child that she wishes that the child had never been born. While this hurtful message might have been said only once, the traumatized adopted child has replayed this message in his own head about a thousand times. This one message might have spawned numerous other negative internal messages, such as, “I am worthless.”

Because the traumatized adopted child has “heard” these messages in his own head repeatedly, he has grown to believe them. Using mantras can be a powerful way to fight back.

A mantra is a positive message that a person chooses to say to himself repeatedly. In the same way that repeating a negative message can break down a traumatized adopted child’s spirit, repeating positive messages can build that spirit back up.

For example, the three messages I most needed to hear from childhood were, “I love you. You are safe. I’m sorry.” So, I turned those words into a mantra. I would say these words in my head multiple times a day, every day. I did not believe a word of them, but I said them anyway. In time, those words had the power to calm me when I was triggered or anxious. To this day, if I am feeling triggered, I can say these words and feel my body begin to relax.

It took me a long time to believe the words, but I now believe them fully. I needed to “hear” them in my own head repeatedly before I could undo the damage of all of the negative messages that I had internalized throughout my childhood.

If you are parenting a traumatized adopted child, talk with him about creating a mantra and telling it to himself multiple times a day. If he will share with you what those words are, you can reinforce them by saying them to him as well. This one simple change can make a world of difference to your traumatized adopted child.

Related Topic:

Power of Thoughts in Overcoming Child Abuse

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