Over the past few days, I have discussed a number of topics surrounding self-injury (also known as self-harm or self-mutilation) and the adopted child. This post wraps up this topic. I would like to leave you with some advice about helping an adopted child who struggles with self-injury.

My most important advice is do not forbid your child to self-injure. Your child is using self-injury to manage very painful emotions. If you take away this coping tool before providing your child with a replacement coping strategy, you risk your child doing even more harm to himself, perhaps even permanent harm. Do not force your child into a situation where she starts cutting her skin in places that you cannot see that run a greater risk of permanent injury.

The self-injury is a symptom of very deep emotional pain. If you keep your focus on the behavior, then you are missing the bigger picture. Also, I have learned through experience that you give energy to whatever you are thinking about. If you put your child in a position of constantly thinking about the self-injury, then the urges to self-injure will only grow stronger.

Instead, start by focusing on ways to minimize the damage. Talk to your child about banging his head into a pillow instead of a wall. Encourage your child to "self-injure" with a red magic marker and see if that can replace a blade.

Next, start adding emotional coping tools to your child's toolbox. Teach your child ways to cope with pain, such as writing in a diary, talking with you about it, watching a movie, exercising, or anything else that appeals to the child.

Finally, do all you can to teach your child about how to process emotions. As your child pours the pain out of his soul, he will have less pain to "bang" back inside or "burn" into his body. The only long-term way to stop self-injuring is to heal the pain that is driving the behavior.

Related topic:

Aftereffects of Childhood Abuse: Self-injury

Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt