Patricia Dischler is the author of "Because I Loved You: A Birthmother's View of Open Adoption", a speaker, child care professional and birthmother. Read more from Patricia here.

Continued from here…

We sat at the kitchen table. It was a beautiful solid wood circle pedestal table, now stained a soft brown, a large improvement over the lime green it had been painted when I was little. And Mom had recently been able to purchase six chairs that matched, finally throwing out the assortment of garage sale bargain mismatches she had for years. The sun was streaming in through the tall windows. After growing up in a house with 10 foot ceiling and long windows every other home had felt like a small cave. 

Dad worn, brown with dried mud, work boots sat by the screen door, a cluster of kittens piled against the other side. Dad had on his firm, "this is YOUR mess, YOU clean it up" look on his face, but his eyes gave him away. One look told me he wanted nothing more than to swing me up in his arms and protect his little girl with everything he had. Mom still looked stunned. I'm not sure if she was thinking anything more than "Oh My God" yet. I got the impression that when she looked at me she saw a four year old version of me in pig tails saying, "Mommy, what would it take for me to keep my baby?"

"You know the answer to that," Dad answered for her.

He was right of course. "Could I live here and take of him?"

"You know we'll help you any way we can dear," Mom said. "But you'll have a lot of expenses for the baby, do you really want to go on welfare? How will you keep your career options open? How long do you think you'll be here?"

"I don't know."

"You can't raise a baby on I-Don't-Know's," said Dad.

Mom stepped in, "we know that if you wanted to do this, you'd find a way, and you'd make it work. We've always been proud of you and what you've done with your life so far, but think ahead a few years, are you going to be proud of yourself? If you give up on yourself and your own future now, what's left for your child to learn from?”

I knew all of this and I knew the answer to her question. "Nothing." I looked at my Dad, I couldn't remember one moment where I had not been proud of him and learned from it. Mom too. For a split second I secretly wished they were going to be the parents to my baby, that's what he deserved - the best.

"We want you to think about what you will have to offer this baby, not just how you'll get by. You can't just cover your bases for the first month, or year, having a baby means forever. You've got to think 5, 10, 20 years down the road. This isn't a job you can quit once you start, you've got to be sure."

"I know Dad. I'm trying to think about it. I just need to know, if I got a job and had to get daycare, things would be tight for awhile. Can we stay here or not?"

"You know you can," answered Mom.

"And if I went on welfare and got help paying for a place to live, would that be O.K. with you?"

"This is your decision," said Dad, "you do what you think is right, and we'll help any way we can. We're not going to tell you what to do."

"Thank you, but I do appreciate your advice." I said.

"Are you even considering adoption?" asked Mom.

"Yes," I answered, "but it's hard to even think about it. I want to be sure I looked at all my options."

To be continued…

Reprinted with permission from the "KIDSAKE Newsletter," an ezine featuring information for anyone touched by adoption. Subscribe here.