Other Types Of Eating Disorders And The Adopted Child
Some adopted children who suffered from trauma, such as abuse, before the adoption will struggle with an eating disorder that does not have a label attached. For example, the adopted children might refuse to eat anything other than one type of food for weeks at a time. Or the adopted child might have odd eating patterns, such as starving herself all day and then overeating at night. Even though these patterns do not fall under the recognized labels of anorexia, bulimia, or binge eating, they are still eating disorders.
Paying attention to the way that your adopted child’s eating disorder manifests itself will provide you with insight into your child’s psyche. For example, the child who only eats one food for weeks at a time might have a deep fear of change. Perhaps before the adopted child joined your home, change always brought about pain and loss.
If your adopted child struggles with this form of an eating disorder, reassure your adopted child that she is in your family forever and that nothing is ever going to change your love for her. Also, help her to see the good things that change can bring, such as the wonderful change of being adopted into a loving family.
An adopted child who starves herself during the day and then overeats at night might be punishing herself. She might not feel like she is worthy of nourishment but then “stuff down” the pain of the self-hatred in the evenings.
If your adopted child struggles with this form of an eating disorder, help her learn how to love herself. Let her know all of the good things that you see in her and help her to see them in herself. This can take a lot of work because self-hatred can run very deep.
All forms of eating disorders are very difficult to overcome. If your adopted child struggles with an eating disorder, find a qualified therapist with experience in helping people with eating disorders as well as with the underlying experiences that led to the eating disorder. Your adopted child will not overcome her eating disorder overnight. However, with your patience and loving guidance, your adopted child can learn to let go of this behavior as she heals from the underlying trauma.
Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt
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Eating & Adopted Kids
Several of my adopted siblings have had issues with eating, and I'm glad to see you posting so much about this issue lately. I think that it also has to do with kids in institutions/orphanages (I'm thinking specifically of Russia but I'm sure that's not the only place this happens) not getting enough food. One of my sibs says that he binges because he wants to be sure to not get hungry before the next meal. This after living with us for 5+ years and not once being denied food. These wounds are very deep.
Glad this is helpful
I am so glad that this series has been helpful for you. What you are describing is the trauma of neglect in not being provided enough food. Yes, trauma runs deep, and getting enough food for 5+ years is not healing the issue because the eating disorder is the symptom, not the cause. Your sib can heal the eating disorder, but it will take healing the underlying trauma from the orphanage days.
Take care,
- Faith
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We must BE the change we wish to see in the world. - Ghandi
Mr. No
My middle son came home and refused to eat anything except cereal and milk. There were other major problems and he had to placed in a psychiatric hospital after one week. The perdiatrician there heard my concern about a balanced diet and told me to lighten up, he would survive just fine on that diet. He pointed out that the more I made an issue of it the more my son would dig in. I backed off and within two months he was eating a more varied diet (still wierd, but varied).
I was sure the doc would back me up on my very responsible parenting concerns. My first glimering that maybe some of the 'You just gotta due it this way' in parenting just might be horse manure. John
Sounds like a good doctor
It sounds like you have a good doctor. Not everyone gets that you cannot regulate an eating disorder from the outside.
- Faith
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We must BE the change we wish to see in the world. - Ghandi
Food Issues
Our children came out of foster care, and have never really suffered deprivation...at least like children in orphanages. But they definitely have food issues. I see it as being non-food related. They are very unaware of their own bodies. They talk too loud, crash into things, seem unaware of how to choose clothing for the temperature outdoors. They don't know when they are tired, they fret over minor injuries, but can't distinguish real ones. And they eat with no shut off valve. It's like they can't read it. It takes lots of time and work, to get them more in tune with their own selves, and that means on every level...emotional, mental, physical. Our children don't over eat because of fear and trauma, at least directly, but because they have "shut down", or maybe never "turned on". My young teens still look to me and ask if what they have on their plate is appropriate, because they struggle to know. They ask before they take seconds, because they now fear misjudging and making themselves sick. I encourage them to wait a few minutes, and "let it settle". Usually they will decide against the extra portion.
GREAT topic idea!!
Yes, you have hit upon some very important issues w/trauma survivors -- the disconnect with the body. I have a lot to say on this topic, so I will write about it next week.
- Faith
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We must BE the change we wish to see in the world. - Ghandi