*because raising children can be like living on a sharp edge

Last Sunday I shared my most recent challenges with my daughter Ella; she had become annoying, disobedient and unpleasant to be with in the last month. Behaviors such as running away every time I called her, throwing toys, breaking things, slamming doors, having a crying fit when she didn’t get her way, and basically ignoring everything I said to her were becoming routine. I knew I had to take matters in hand quickly.

I decided to use the time out system as I do not believe in physical punishment. Every time Ella was out of line I would give her one warning – but only one. If she did not correct that behavior, she would go to time out for three minutes (one minute for each year of age). Time out did not need to be in a bedroom or a room with a closed door; it was enough that I made her stay in a designated area such as a hallway. I would tell her that she would stay there until I allowed her to come out. If she came out before the three minutes were up, I would gently but firmly put her back. Would she go willingly and happily to time out? Are you kidding? Often she was kicking and screaming and always crying as if the world had come to an end. My daughter is quite the drama queen and can produce tears at the drop of a dime. But I did not relent, and each episode of time out she had to stay in the designated area for three minutes until I announced that her time in time out was up. At home I usually set a timer for three minutes.

After two days of multiple time outs, Ella started to calm down. She understood the boundaries I was setting for her, and I talked with her about appropriate and inappropriate behavior, at a three year old's level of course. Now when she gets out of control or does not listen, I tell her that she will go into time out if she doesn’t comply. I give her one chance - no harping or nagging without consequences, just immediate enforcement of the time out if she did not comply.

The task of disciplining a child is ongoing and at different ages different methods work. Some children need less discipline than others; some respond immediately to discipline while others take longer. But if the parent becomes lazy or inconsistent, most children will take advantage of the situation and push everyone's buttons until healthy behavior boundaries are set.

Remember, disciplining a child does not entail beating or punishing your child unreasonably or unnecessarily. We do have to pick our battles. Disciplining a child means using reasonable and logical methods to correct a child’s behavior that is not in compliance with the norms of your family and community.

Image Credit: flickr

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Disciplining Toddlers