Transracial Adoption Issues: “That’s Your Child??”
As I have mentioned before, watching the new 90210 is one of my guilty pleasures. I was pleased to learn that 90210 has a transracial adoption storyline. While the transracial adoption storyline has not been the central focus of the show, it does factor in from time to time.
This week, the transracial adoption storyline arose again in a climactic scene toward the end of the episode. That scene highlighted a dynamic that I would imagine every transracial adoptive family winds up facing at least once. It was the “That’s your child??” moment.
Dixon (played by Tristan Wilds) is an African-American boy who was adopted by a Caucasian family. He is dating Silver (played by Jessica Stroup). A man in the modeling business approached Silver about a modeling career, but he was really just a dirty old man looking to score with a teenage girl. When the man tried to fondle Silver, Dixon got involved.
When the man shoved Dixon, his adoptive mother, Debbie (played by Lori Loughlin) got involved. She yelled at the man to let go of her son. The man looked at Dixon, who does not look a thing like his mother, and said, “This [not-so-nice comment] is your son??”
Debbie was very much the mama bear who did not take kindly to somebody manhandling her cub. The man was clearly confused by their obvious lack of physical similarities, but he was too caught up in the conflict to inquire further. (Also, Dixon was too busy punching the man.)
While most transracial adoptive families probably do not experience this level of drama (it is 90210 after all), they probably do have to deal with people asking incredulously, “That’s your child??” on occasion. It must be frustrating because, as an adoptive mother, I know that the love that I feel for my son has nothing to do with how he looks. Also, his adoption happened so long ago. I really do not want to talk about it every day with every person I meet.
For those of you who are in transracial adoptive families, how do you deal with “That’s your child??” comments? Do you use humor? Do you ignore it? Do you take the time to educate people? How frequently do you have to deal with such comments?
Related Topics:
- New “90210” to Have a Transracial Adoption Storyline
- New “90210” Has Two Adoption Storylines
- More on 90210’s Transracial Adoption Storyline
Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt
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Tags: adoption on TV, adoption storylines, Beverly Hills 90210, Jessica Stroup, Lori Loughlin, Transracial adoption, transracial adoption storylines, Tristan Wilds
I'm not a transracial adoptive parent but I am a parent who looks almost NOTHING like my child. I am multiracial and appear to most people to be a medium skinned black person (although have been labeled as many ethnicities but thats a story for another time) My son (by birth) is VERY fair skinned has white blond hair and his bright blue eyes have only recently turned to green. While he does share some of my facial features most people cannot see past the coloring and so when they see photos of us together they ask questions like "so how long were you a nanny" and on my first visit his neighbors were stunned to say the least when his parents explained who I was. My sister's (parented) daughter is also light although not as light as my son and when we recently went to on a family vacation a store clerk was very confused as to why it took 4 nanny's to care for one child I explained we were the child's mother aunties and grandmother the look on her face was priceless.
when anyone asks "thats your son?" I simply say "yep arn't genetics great" the same response could be used by adoptive parents since it is their child's genetics at play and it is none of the asker's business that they dont share those genes.
KatjaMichelle,
I got a real chuckle out of your comment about the person wondering why it took four nannies to care for one child. Thanks for sharing that!
I, too, have friends whose bio children do not look like they do. They get some of these types of reactions as well.
- Faith
++++++++++
We must BE the change we wish to see in the world. - Ghandi
It depends on the situation: sometimes I ignore the comment, sometimes I explain and sometimes I use a little humor, as when someone commented that Ella "must look like her father, she sure doesn't look like you," I smiled and responded "she probably does." I don't think I would respond that way if she was older.
Lisa S.