Today's guest blogger is Patricia Dischler, the author of "Because I Loved You: A Birthmother's View of Open Adoption", a speaker, child care professional and birthmother. Read more from Patricia here.

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I was fortunate enough not to be pushed into a decision for adoption, but I have talked with birthmother's who have felt this way and I see the difference in how they were treated. I also see birthmother's who may feel they are being pushed right now, that I know someday will understand it better and see it for the help it truly is.

The reason I saw my Dad's actions as pushing and not help was because he never explained to my WHY he was pushing me, he just did it. I believe that was a mistake on his part. Not that I think I would have been okay with the pushing or thought he was right and somehow stopped being mad at him for it - because at the time my emotions were ruling my thoughts, not my brain. But, at least I would have understood that he was not kicking me out of the house because he was mean or didn't think I could make my own decisions. I would have at least understood that he was doing it because he loved me and he was trying to help me.

It seems like I do a lot of repeating the mantra "Take time to understand the why." I just used this phrase at a child care conference keynote I gave last weekend. But it applies to so many facets of our lives. And adoption is no exception. For birthmothers, when going through their decision making time, their emotions will slowly begin to creep in and take over. This makes it extremely difficult for them to understand why anyone is doing anything. So a counselor, for example, who begins to push them into making their decision is going to seem like nothing more than someone who is being mean because they are asking the birthmother to think at a time when all she seems capable of doing is to feel! Birthmothers may not be able to take the time to understand why - but that doesn't mean they shouldn't hear it.

Like with my Dad, I know I wouldn't have understood it at the time, but slowly, as I started to finally get control of my emotions and think, it would have started to make sense - and the anger would be gone. There are times when a birthmother does need a push. But there are reasons why. Putting off a decision is painful for adoptive parents who are hoping with all of their heart that this time will be it. The more a birthmother meets potential adoptive parents the more hope she is giving them, to wait long periods after this to make a decision is very hurtful to them and she needs to clearly understand this.

It is very easy to get selfish during the course of making an unselfish decision. When considering adoption, birthmothers are well aware of what a tough, selfless decision it would be. So it only seems fair that they should be able to be a little selfish in asking that they get all the time in the world to make the decision.

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Reprinted with permission from the "KIDSAKE Newsletter," an ezine featuring information for anyone touched by adoption. Subscribe here.