A reader found Adoption Under One Roof using the search phrase:

every able person adopted one child

I suspect the thought behind this search phrase was, if every able person adopted one child, could we empty out the foster care homes and orphanages around the world? Perhaps the answer would be yes. Would I support this type of initiative? No.

Before you accuse me of being a cold-hearted and unfeeling person, let me explain why … I think adopting for a cause is a bad idea, whether we are talking about adopting children, dogs, cats, or guinea pigs. Adopting a child is not a political statement or a social statement. Unless your underlying motivation for adopting a child is because you truly want to parent a child (or another child), adopting a child is going to be a mistake.

Sweeping statements like “every able person should adopt one child” sound great in theory. If you can afford to take care of a foster child and that child needs a home, why not? The problem is that a foster child is not looking to be anyone’s “cause.” The child is looking for a forever home where the child is embraced as “son” or “daughter.” Nobody wants to grow up being the “rescued foster child” or “rescued orphan.” I fear that many people who adopt for a cause might harbor this feeling inside, and no child wants to grow up feeling like he must be appreciative to his or her adoptive parents for making this great sacrifice to parent him or her.

My adopted child is just my kid. I love him to pieces, but nobody on the planet can make me angrier. My feelings toward him are no different than the feelings I hear expressed by any other parent, whether they became parents through birth or adoption. I never think of my son as anything but my son. He is not my “cause.” I do not believe he needs to show appreciation for me rescuing him from a bad situation. He is simply my kid … period.

That is what all children deserve – a parent or parents or who love them to pieces and feel toward them what they would feel toward any child that they embraced as a “son” or “daughter.” If you are not seeking to adopt a child because you want a son or daughter, then you are doing nobody any favors by adopting for a cause.

Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt