The other day, I was hanging out at the park with a bunch of parents from my adopted child’s school. I wrote about one of the conversations here. Later, the conversation turned another direction that also hit a nerve. This had to do with my infertility.

When I adopted my child, I assumed that all of my infertility issues would go away. They did not. I was truly surprised to find myself crying with each announcement that a friend was expecting her second child. I now had my own child to love and hold, so why was my infertility rearing its ugly head again?

I found that I had to grieve my infertility losses, and that grieving process could not be short-circuited by adopting a child. As someone said to me on an adoption message board, adoption cures childlessness, not infertility.

So, I found myself in another one of those situations where the women got to talking about their birthing experiences. I never have anything to say during those types of conversations because I have never been pregnant.

My water did not break. Instead, my heart broke because I was not there when my son took his first breath of air or let out his first cry. I did not have an exciting story about trying to get to the hospital before the baby was born. My “exciting” story is about feeling nauseous knowing that I had quit my job to become this baby’s stay-at-home mom, but I did not know if his biological mother would go through with her adoption plan.

Fortunately, as my adopted child grows older, I find myself having to endure fewer conversations like these. I have also learned to have a sense of humor about it. For example, after the women shared their stories about long labors and painful deliveries, I said that I liked my way better – Being fast asleep in my bed as my baby was born.

Related Topics:

• Coming to Adoption after Infertility
• Infertility Pain after Adoption

Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt