Ever since John McCain chose Sarah Palin as his running mate, I have heard several people criticize the fact that Sarah Palin wants to be Vice President while parenting a baby with Down Syndrome. That got me thinking about all of the people who adopt special needs children. How many of those adoptive parents hear criticism about their choice to return to work after adopting a child with special needs?

On the one hand, I understand that a special needs child requires more attention than a typical child. I live with an adopted child with special needs. My son has both asthma and attention deficit-hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). I have to pour more of myself into him than I see many other parents doing. That is not to say that other people do not invest in their children – only that I seem to have to invest so much more in order to meet my son’s special needs.

On the other hand, I need a break because of how much work is involved in parenting my adopted child with special needs. My most difficult days are holidays, in which my husband goes to work, and my friends are busy with their own holidays. This leaves me with many hours to invest in my son. While I love him and enjoy him, I am exhausted (both physically and emotionally) by the time I finally get him to sleep at night. I could not do this every day, all day, without a break.

Working part-time gives me that break. I need some time to be more than just a caregiver for a special needs child. I need the opportunity to use my mind and to interact with other people who appreciate what I have to offer. I fear that if my only role in my life was parenting my special needs child, I would struggle with depression. This is not to criticize those of you who do find fulfillment in investing in your special needs children 24/7 – I simply do not have the nurturing nature to do it 24/7 myself.

And then there is the money issue. Parenting an adopted child with special needs is expensive. We pay over $100 a month in co-pays for my son’s medications. He has numerous doctor visits for both his asthma and ADHD, and those cost a minimum of $50 for each visit. Parenting a child with specials needs is not cheap, so many families need the extra income to afford to pay for treatment.

As with many areas of life, people who have not lived the same life experiences tend to be much more judgmental than those who have walked the walk. The people I know who are parenting special needs children understand when I say that I desperately need a break. They get it because they feel the same way. Getting a break, whether through working or taking a weekend getaway, actually makes me better parent. I need to fill my own cup so I have enough energy to pour into my kid.

For those of you who are parenting an adopted child with special needs, what has your experience been with comments about choosing to work? Do you feel pressured to turn down fulfilling jobs to care for your child? How do you balance work and caring for your special needs child?

Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt