Adoption Muse, (formally on Typepad) has been an advocate for open adoption since 2002.  She is raising 'virtual twin' daughters both involved in open adoptions, as well as a biological son who was born at the same hospital as his big sisters only 23 months later!

The oldest book I have that was written for children about adoption is "The Chosen Baby" written by Valentina P. Watson. This book was published in 1939 and revised in 1977 with new illustrations, but, I'm pretty sure, still with the original text. I sought out this book because I got to talking with a guy in cafe and when he heard I was writing about adoption, he told me that he had been adopted and that he really liked "The Chosen Baby" when he was a young boy. I was curious to read this book he remembered from his childhood and see what it taught kids about adoption. The most striking thing about the book is that it doesn't mention the biological parents at all.

The baby appears at the social worker's office, lying peacefully in a crib, alone. First a baby boy, who is already old enough to drink orange juice, then a baby girl a few years later. Open adoption wasn't even a possibility then, unless it was negotiated at home between friends or relatives. If an agency was used, the adoption was closed. "The Chosen Baby" is written very warmly and I can see how it would be comforting to a child, except for the burning question that would eventually have to arise: "where did I come from?" That question is answered in various ways in books of the 1950s and beyond.

One other thing about "The Chosen Baby" is revealed in the title. When the adoptive parents meet the baby boy for the first time, the social worker says to them: "Now go into the next room and see the baby. If you find that he is not just the right baby for you, tell me, and we will try to find another." The emphasis on this all-important choosing is so interesting to me. I think it is supposed to reassure the adopted child that he is wanted. But it insidiously raises the question: what if they saw him and didn't like him! What if they said no to the first baby and yes to the second, or third baby? In today's open adoptions, adoptive parents don't get to choose their baby (although they can say no before the baby is born) and social workers are pretty strict about "you can't change your mind once the baby's born."I think this is an important, and not often-discussed aspect of open adoptions versus closed, and public adoptions.

Biological parents do not really get to "choose" their baby. Some babies come out healthy, some sick. Some come out grumpy, some happy. Some come out looking like their mother, some like their great-grandfather. When biological parents pass on the torch to adoptive parents, they are also communicating the "take me for who I am" message so intrinsic to unconditional love.

Related Articles:

• Domestic Adoption
• Being Truthful With Your Adopted Child About His History
• The Open Adoption Agreement
• De-freakify Open Adoption: Two Mothers One Daughter
• Levels of Openness in Private Domestic Adoption

Image Credit: Adoption Muse

The Chosen Baby author: Valentina Pavlovna Wasson,Glo Coalson asin: 0397317387