Adoption Under One Roof

I just finished reading a great book for children with reactive attachment disorder (RAD) and those who love them. The book is called Touching Spirit Bear by Ben Mikaelsen.

The book is story about a boy named Cole who exhibits behaviors consistent with RAD, although the book never labels him as such. He is angry with the world and is a juvenile delinquent. When the story begins, Cole has beaten the h@#$ out of another boy named Peter so badly that Peter has suffered permanent physical damage and is quite messed up emotionally as well. Cole had no reason for beating up this kid other than that a blind rage took over. His father has gotten him out of paying for his past behaviors, but this time he is looking at going to jail unless an alternative method works.

The alternative method is for him to spend a year living alone in a remote part of Alaska. This is a form of “circle justice” used by Native Americans. The idea is that punishing the child by imprisoning him is not going to heal anyone, but circle justice seeks ways to heal everyone involved without letting the aggressor off the hook.

The first time around doesn’t go so well. Cole is much too angry and is stupid enough to attack a bear because the bear is not afraid of him. (Does this sound like any of your RAD children?) Needless to say, the bear wins the battle, and something changes inside of Cole as a result. You will have to read the rest of the book to learn what.

The book includes a lot of wisdom, including how we cannot simply cut anger out of our lives and that forgiveness (of those who hurt us as well as ourselves) is the way out of the cycle of abuse. Cole is only one link in a chain of abuse, becoming hardened by his father’s abuse, who became hardened by his own father’s abuse. The cycle continues until we stop it.

If you are parenting a child with RAD or anger issues, check out this book. I thought it was quite insightful.

Photo credit: JulieC