Adoption Under One Roof blogs

Russian Adoption Baby Names: Ivan

2008-09-05T12:00:01-05:00

Ivan … its meaning is "God is gracious" - Think Baby Names

The baby name Ivan is of Russian and Slavic origin. The baby name is a variant name of the Hebrew baby name John. The baby name Ivan is more popular than I realized, peaking at #117 in 2004 and dropping back down to #127 in 2007. See Popular Baby Names. The baby name Ivan is even more popular in Canada, remaining in the Top 100 since 1999. See Think Baby Names.

The baby name Ivan has four variant forms, the most well known being Ivanhoe. Most people are familiar with the name Ivanhoe from Walter Scott’s novel, Ivanhoe. The baby name Ivan is similar to the baby name Evan, which is an even more popular baby name that I will discuss in my next baby name blog entry. The most famous person to share the baby name Ivan is probably tennis player Ivan Lendl.

The baby name Ivan is a good one for both Christian and Jewish adoptive families because of its meaning, “God is gracious.”

Adoption Under One Roof has researched many baby names for you and continues to add more baby names to the list each week. Click here to see a list of baby names that Adoption Under One Roof has covered on its site, including links to more information about each baby name. The baby names are divided by topic and gender. Some baby names might fall under more than one topic. All baby names that Adoption Under One Roof has discussed are also provided in alphabetical order so you can search for a name easily.

This list of baby names is updated frequently as more baby names are added to the site. Whether you are looking for a baby name that holds an adoption meaning or simply a baby name that sounds pretty, you can find it here.

Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt

Greetings and Salutations!

2008-09-05T07:45:10-05:00

The owners of Adoption Under One Roof have decided that it is time to reintroduce ourselves to our readers, since we’ve have been fortunate to have so many new ones join us in the last months.

I am Lisa S., (real name) and I am one of the founders of this website. My life has been blessed with three wonderful biological sons and a precious daughter adopted from Guatemala. By profession I’m a teacher, but I’ve also held many other titles, my favorite one being “Mom.”

To say that I’m pro-adoption is an understatement, and you will often hear me ranting against anti-adoption organizations such as UNICEF. I follow politics quite closely, particularly when they involve children and their welfare. Guatemala is close to my heart, but any country where there are children in need of loving homes and forever families is of interest to me.

When my daughter came home from Guatemala I was 52 years old, so you will also find me blogging about parenting in the senior years. As challenging as it can be, it is not much harder for me than when I was parenting my oldest son in my early twenties.

I love getting comments and feedback from readers, so please don’t hesitate to post.

Best to all,

Lisa S

Photo Credit: Lisa S.

New “90210” Has Two Adoption Storylines

2008-09-05T06:45:02-05:00

I watched the two-hour premier of the new television show, 90210, and I was impressed with what I saw. I was a fan of the original version, so I was not quite sure how I would feel about a remake. Then I found out about the show having a transracial adoption storyline, and I was doubly concerned about how I would feel about the show. (I grow weary of watching shows that use poor adoption language and represent adoption incorrectly.)

I had nothing to worry about. The show was entertaining, and they did a great job with how they handled adoption.

I knew that the “new kids in town” were part of an adoptive family. Annie is her parents’ biological child, and they adopted her brother, Dixon, eight years ago. Only a couple of brief mentions of the adoption were made during the pilot.

The first reference was Dixon telling Annie that he did not want to have to get into his adoption story over and over again. Her reply was that he is her brother, and that is all that matters. Good job, Annie!!

Later in the show, Dixon tells Annie that the reason he likes playing lacrosse is because their father also played lacrosse in high school, so “it makes me feel like he really is my dad.” Annie replied, “He really is your dad.” I love this show already.

But then another adoption storyline surfaced that I did not see coming. Annie and Dixon’s father, Harry Wilson (played by Rob Estes), grew up in Beverly Hills and is now the new principal of West Beverly High. He runs into his girlfriend from his high school days. She drops the bomb on him that they had a child together that she placed for adoption. Of course, Harry did not see this coming.

At the end of the episode, Harry talked to his wife about how he was feeling about having a grown birth son that he never knew anything about. He said that of course he wants to know that the child is okay. However, as an adoptive parent, he knows that he would not want Dixon’s birth parents “hanging around,” so he wants to do what is best for his birth child.

Who knew that “90210” was going to cover so much about adoption? I find it fascinating that they are showing a man who is both an adoptive father and a birth father and that they are getting into how his feelings about one role affect his choices in the other. I am curious to see how this will pan out.

What’s really nice is that the family seems so normal. They are just like any other family, even though they grew their family through adoption. Well, I say they are just like any other family, but they are not much like the folks they are meeting in Beverly Hills. But that, of course, is the premise of the series.

Vanishing Sandra: Kids, the early days

2008-09-05T00:20:03-05:00

Sam's first statement to Mark when hearing that he was leaving me was: But you're married to Mom and that means you live with her forever.

Sorry to say, that took a much bigger bite out of me than the small nibble my husband felt.

When asked why he was leaving, Mark told our five-year old that it was because, "I don't love Mom any more. I love someone else."

To say I hit the roof is an understatement, but calmed myself enough to eventually try to explain to my possessed spouse how a statement like that would be interpreted by our son.

Basically, if he can stop loving Mom, how long will it be before he stops loving me, too.

This unthinking damage is taking a lot of effort to repair, and I fear that something from those words will stick with Sam for the rest of his life. The fact that Mark physically moved out on the eve of Cj's third birthday was another blow of notice to all of us.

Three weeks away gave me space to wallow in my own misery, so upon my return I was prepared to focus on the kids. Unfortunately, the ground continued to shift daily and it was very hard to settle into new routines and fallout was obvious.

For the first time in her life, Cj refused to sleep in her own bed, always before treasured as a safe and comfy space by her, and she insisted on sleeping with me. I must admit that I found comfort in having a bed full of kids, and I understood very well that both needed the added closeness, the security of Mom within arms reach at all times, especially those dark hours when all sorts of monsters can invade.

I set a strict routine for the first months that had dinner at 5 pm, bath time at 6 and bed, for all three of us, at 7:30. We were all exhausted by then, as the loss and the stress it created took a heavy toll. I was also doing what I could to keep the kids busy and interested, so filled the days as I could with as much togetherness as a family so obviously one short can be filled.

Constant reassurances were asked for, and even now, six months later, I get the following series of questions from Cj at least six or seven times per day:

1) Do you love me?

2) Do you love Dad?

3) Do you love Sam?

4) Do you love Grandma?

5) Do you love Grandad?

... and on through the rest of the family and all of our friends.

The answer to all is always an emphatic "yes", but the questions continue to come from my three-year old.

Image Credit: flickr

Ask About ADD/ADHD with Dr. Thomas Phelan

2008-09-04T22:01:58-05:00

Parents of children whom are already diagnosed with ADD/ADHD, parents who think their children may have one or the other, and even parents who are curious about how to tell if their children may have ADD or ADHD are going to want to jump on this incredible offer! This is a chance to not only listen to a lecture by one of the leading authorities (Dr Thomas Phelan) on parenting and ADD/ADHD for free, but to have your questions answered by him as well! Why would anyone want to pass up on a deal like that?

A World recognized expert on both parenting and ADD/ADHD, Dr. Phelan is also the author of the hit parenting books, 1-2-3 Magic, and he will be available on a live conference call, free, on September 17th to answer your questions about parenting and ADD/ADHD by phone or by email.

Questions can be sent in by email, or recorded by phone ahead of time, and the session will be recorded for playback on the internet for those who register. Questions can also be answered live during the Q&A, but remember as they say, the early bird gets the worm! This is a wonderful opportunity to have your questions about parenting in general, or parenting a child with ADD or ADHD answered by an expert on both! You need to register for the Q&A with Dr. Phelan.

Adult Foster Daughter Stole Antique Coins Moved Out

2008-09-04T20:48:35-05:00

The other day, I found a pile of empty coin wrappers. I had forgotten about my deceased husband's antique penny collection from the 1920s buried deep in the back of my closet. Sure enough, my adult foster daughter stole the antique coins, put them in one of those penny counting machines located in the grocery store and spent most of the money. She had a friend over to spend the night, I bought pizza for everyone, and she graciously offered me $5 toward the pizzas. That was before I knew about the money she stole. Unfortunately, for her, the store has video cameras set up watching the coin-counting machine. The entire thing is on tape and in the possession of the police. Yesterday she moved out.

If it was an isolated incident, I might have overlooked it, but in the past few months, she has stolen money from every money stash I had. There is nothing left, and I just can’t afford to keep her around, nor do I trust her. I told the police that I would not press charges at this time but if she steals anything else, I will. The police have contacted the money machine owner to try to get my antique coins back.

You might remember me telling you back in June about my adult foster daughter. She turned 19 in March, so she was kicked out of foster care, but wasn’t graduating from high school until June. That left me, a widow, on a fixed Social Security income to care for another adult without any type of financial support. She came to live with me when she was 11 years old, so I could hardly put her out on the street. We have been struggling to make ends meet since then. She hasn’t been able to find a job, was denied SSI, food stamps, and assistance. Until last month, when she finally qualified for $160 a month worth of food stamps. At first, she used the money to buy food for meals. Then, someone told her that was “her” money, so she used the balance to buy pop and candy.

Definition of Adoption Terms

American Adoption Statistics Summary

Older Parent Adoption

How to Tell if Your Child Has Impulse Control Problems

How to Help an Older Child Stop Bedwetting?

How to Prescribe Behavior to Prevent Child Meltdown.

Room in Your Home and Heart for Foster Children

Photo Credit:by geishabot

Adoption is the Only Hope for Many of the Children of Haiti

2008-09-04T07:45:03-05:00

If you are considering the adoption of a child through intercountry adoption, look no further than Haiti, a mere 600 miles east of Florida, where over 70% of the 8,000,000 population is children, many of them orphans living in the most horrible conditions imaginable. Haiti is the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere, and things are not getting any better. With no source of fuel and over 95% of the country deforested, 85% of the population are unemployed and trying to survive by growing enough food to feed their families.

Over 70% of the population live below poverty level, and 10% of the population will die before the age of 4. And if that isn’t bad enough, 300,000 – 400,000 of the children, often as young as 4 years old, are enslaved, many being sold to the Dominican Republic as prostitutes and cheap labor.

UNICEF has documented the plight of the children of Haiti, but is still staunchly anti-intercountry adoption. Here is an excerpt from an excellent and informative blog written by an adoptive mother and supporter of Haitian adoption and orphans.

UNICEF had another meeting with IBESR officials with some orphanage representatives present. As usual, UNICEF was expressing its concerns about women selling their babies to orphanages for adoptions. (Remember, in December 2007, I had a meeting with UNICEF where the gentleman that I met with said the same thing, told me that he had proof about this happening, but never produced it.) Well, one of my friends who is an orphanage director asked UNICEF that if they are so sure that is happening and know of where and when it has happened, then why have the UNICEF officials not called the police, reported the incident and have the persons arrested. Wouldn't that make UNICEF an accessory to a crime? What UNICEF does not seem to understand is that most children adopted in Haiti to international families are not babies. There are so many children in need of families, including babies, that there is no need to pay for a child. But, UNICEF does not seem to understand that. So, the "urban legend" of the child buying continues.”

For more information about adopting from Haiti, click on the links below.

A Child’s Voice International Advocacy

About Haiti and adoption from Haiti

Image Credit

Reintroduction

2008-09-04T07:27:18-05:00

Adoption Under One Roof has had many new readers visiting our site lately, so I thought I would take a moment to reintroduce myself for the newbies.

My name is Faith Allen. “Faith Allen” is a pen name. I am not the same “Faith Allen” who has been in and out of the news regarding her adopted daughter Masha.

I adopted my seven-year-old son, Nicholas, when he was two days old through a domestic adoption in the state of Georgia. We met his birth mother while she was still pregnant on a first name basis only. We entered into a semi-open adoption in which we sent my son’s birth mother pictures and letters every other month the first year and then twice a year after that. We sent the packages to the adoption agency, who forwarded the packages on to my son’s birth mother.

When my son was four, his birth mother moved away without leaving a forwarding address, which effectively closed our adoption. I continue to put the packages together for her once a year (around my son’s birthday), and I store them in my house. If she ever chooses to get back in touch with us, I don’t want her to have missed out on those years of her birth child’s life.

My son is an only child. We went through the adoption process in North Carolina to adopt a second time but ultimately chose not to adopt again. My son has special needs: asthma and attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

I grew up in an abusive environment. I have written extensively about healing from child abuse on my personal blog. On this blog, I write advice for people who are parenting traumatized children on Trauma Tuesdays and Trauma Thursdays. Even though I was never adopted or placed in foster care (although I should have been), I can provide insight into the mind of the traumatized child.

You can learn more about me by reading my bio.

Trauma Thursday: Traumatized Adopted Child’s Lack of Trust

2008-09-04T06:45:10-05:00

One of the biggest frustrations for people who are parenting traumatized adopted children is the fact that their children frequently do not trust them. The foster or adoptive parents have been nothing but trustworthy, but the traumatized adopted child still refuses to trust. This dynamic can be quite frustrating and disheartening to adoptive parents.

Unfortunately, you have a long road ahead of you before your traumatized adopted child will begin to trust you. Even when the child chooses to trust you, it will likely only be in one area rather than blanket trust. This is an unfortunate reality for anyone who has suffered from trauma, particularly from abuse.

When a child is abused, his trust is shattered. The child was born into the world with the expectation that the adults in his life would keep him safe, but that did not happen. Whether the abuse happened at the hands of the birth parents or the birth parents enabled the abuse to happen, the child was betrayed by the very people who were responsible for keeping him safe. It is hard for any child to push past this level of betrayal and risk trusting again.

The problem is that the child has grown to expect betrayal. This is an issue that affects every child who has experienced abuse, although the trust issues manifest in varying degrees depending upon the circumstances. For example, a child who told about the abuse, was believed, rescued, and helped is much more likely to trust than a child who was never believed or rescued. Fortunately, the fact that the traumatized adopted child is in your care means that somebody “rescued” the child, so that is a good starting point for the hope of trust.

To this day, I still wrestle with trust issues. For example, one of the biggest stressors for me when I apply for a new job is having to provide references. I probably have thirty people in my life that would provide me with a glowing letter of recommendation, but I have this deep-seated fear of betrayal from my childhood issues that causes me to fear that betrayal is just around the corner. Even though I know in my head that this is ridiculous, I still feel an enormous amount of anxiety in knowing that I must depend upon another person to help me attain my goal. I must trust that they will support me, and trusting another person is very hard for me to do.

Never, ever do anything untrustworthy with your traumatized adopted child. If you say you will be somewhere at a certain time, be there. If your child cannot trust you in the little things, you have no hope of getting him to trust you in the big things.

Also, try to remember that the lack of trust is not about you – it is about him. I have surrounded myself with many trustworthy people. My trust issues are not about them – my friends are great. I am the one who fears betrayal, and I am the one who has to find a way to push past my fears and risk trusting again. Just like your traumatized adopted child, I do this one step at a time.

Children Are Ready to Save the Environment, Are You?

2008-09-03T23:49:25-05:00

If you haven’t yet stopped in to see what the Hump Day Hippie is all about, then wait no longer. Because your children are already learning about the changes that need to happen to save our environment, and it’s high time that you play a little catch up.

If you have young children, and most likely even if your children are not so young, there’s a better chance than not, that you know of the television channel nickelodeon. There is little doubt that you have not at some point, been driven crazy by the incessant sound of Spongebob’s joyful laugh, and inevitably succumb to the silliness and let out a snort, at the very least.

So many parents know about Spongebob, and the million other cartoon characters that they have on that channel, because parents know that it is a channel that they can trust. They know that their children are not going to see advertisements for anyone or anything that has gone wild, and that the programming is family friendly.

Parents trust the information the channel is feeding into their children’s brains. With The Big Green Help, nick.com is teaching children about the dangers that we are facing if we do not change our ways, in a nonthreatening interactive way. Which of course has their favorite Nickelodeon actors and characters, as well as LaBron James.

My youngest son saw the commercial, and currently being a diehard, "everything on that channel fan," he was enthralled with the site, and is retaining the information that he is learning while he is on the computer having fun! Ask your children if the have heard of The Big Green Help, because chances are that they have, and that they are either dying to get on the computer and check it out, or dying to show it to you and have you join in!

We all know that it is time to make a change if we want our children to inherit a planet that is worth keeping. So why not have some fun while we learn about what we need to do, and how to do it, and then turn the computer off and go and do it!

Recycling Your Children's Artwork

Image Credit: Bucklava

Dear Adoption Maharishi - My Adopted Child is up All Night!

2008-09-03T09:18:39-05:00

Dear Adoption Maharishi,

We adopted our 14 month old son from Vietnam over two months ago, and he is still not sleeping well at night. Sometimes my husband and I are up over ten times during the night trying to get him back to sleep. I have to return to work in a couple weeks. How can I get my child to start sleeping?

Tired Mommy"

Dear Tired Mommy,

First of all, congratulations on your adoption! With adoption from Vietnam now closed, you must be grateful and relieved that you succeeded in completing your adoption and bringing your son home. Now, back to your question. When we bring home a baby or toddler, their whole life is turned upside down. Even though they are not yet speaking, they are already tuned into their own language, which you may or may not speak. They are used to different sounds and completely different surroundings. I believe they go through a grieving process, and it often manifests itself during the night.

You didn’t mention how he was doing during the day, or how the attachment process was going, but the fact that your son is not sleeping well at night is not at all unusual for a newly adopted child; as a matter of fact it is probably the norm. But I’d also like to suggest that your rule out any physical problems. Your son might have an ear infection that is waking him up, or perhaps reflux. Talk to your pediatrician and make sure your son has a thorough physical.

When your son wakes up at night, for whatever reason, he wants to know that you are there. By responding to his needs, you are proving to him that he can trust you. Therefore it is very important that you do not let him cry it out or be alone when he wakes up. That would be detrimental to your relationship with him and his development.

Let me suggest that if your child is not sleeping in your bedroom, you should bring his bed into your room so he will know that you are close by. Additionally, if you are comfortable with the idea, I’d let him sleep with you. It may help him put himself back to sleep if he wakes up and sees both of you close by. You may also get a good night’s sleep, although be aware that there is an adjustment period for you and your spouse having an infant in the bed.

There are no “magic potions” to put children back to sleep. Some children want to be held, others rocked, and others want the parent to walk back and forth with them. Their waking up is a sign that they need you, and if you want your child to be confident and have a healthy attachment to you, I would continue meeting his needs and doing whatever it takes to put him back to sleep as long as you are not harming him in any way. You may be getting advice from people who have never adopted, telling you that he "should" be sleeping all night at his age. Please ignore this bad advice; no two children are alike, and your child has only been with you for two months.

Regarding going back to work, I realize that this will present a big challenge for you, but especially for him. Now you will be gone during the day and he will have a new caregiver. This may make him even more wakeful at night. Ultimately your toddler cannot magically stop waking at night because you have to go back to work. Two months is a very short time to be settled at night. I understand that some people absolutely have to go back to work for financial reasons, but remember that it is not your child’s fault that you have to go back to work. If there is any way that you can postpone going back to work for a while, I would. You will have more peace of mind and not be so exhausted.

Wishing you the best.

Adoption Maharishi

Reflux in toddlers.

Everything you need to know about ear Infections

Image Credit: Julie C.

Living With an Adopted Child with ADHD: Never a Dull Moment

2008-09-03T06:45:05-05:00

As I have shared before, my adopted child has attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). When he is not medicated, there is never a dull moment around our house. This is why I have I written that a child with ADHD should stay medicated when he is in the care of other people, such as summer camp personnel.

My adopted child has been medicated daily for his ADHD even through the summer. Quite frankly, I don’t have the patience to deal with his behaviors all day when he is unmedicated. However, I have tried to give him a medication break a couple of times this summer when I thought I could handle it and nobody else would have to deal with his behaviors.

One of those “med breaks” came on the day before he started back to school. I was babysitting my friend’s two boys, and we were not leaving the house all day. I figured that he could play loudly with the other two boys and actually eat more food than he usually does. (He has gotten thin since going on his ADHD medication.)

The day was loud but fine. All three of the boys were having a good time. My son even ate a big lunch, which has rarely happened since he started his ADHD medication back in January. I was feeling really good about giving my kid a med break until a police officer showed up at my front door.

Yep, you read right – My first visit from a policeman since becoming a parent.

It turns out that my unmedicated child decided to call 911 and then hang up while I was outside setting up the waterslide. When the police called back, I did not hear the phone because I was out in the backyard. So, a uniformed police officer came over in an unmarked car to make sure we were okay.

I apologized and asked the police officer to have a chat with my son. All three boys confirmed that my kid was the only one who handled the telephone, so there is no question about who placed the 911 call. Of course, my son said that he called 975 and such. I had him apologize to the police officer, who was amazingly cool about the whole situation.

Like I said, there is never a dull moment when you live with a child with ADHD.

Fostermommy Introduction and Ground Rules Under One Roof

2008-09-03T00:24:55-05:00

Hi Everyone,

I am so glad that you have taken the time to visit Adoption Under One Roof to learn more about adoption. We would like all visitors to feel comfortable voicing their opinions. While we may not agree 100-percent of the time, we value your input, experience, and perspective. We also encourage open discussion of all points of view as long as you do it with dignity, respect, and tolerance for other members. This allows each of us to learn, grow, and ultimately parent our adopted, foster, kinship, and step children with the greatest compassion and dignity. We all want to prepare our children for a successful adulthood in an ever-changing dynamic world. Name-calling, finger pointing, and disrespect for others is not acceptable here. Such comments will be deleted at the editor’s discretion.

Our friend and co-worker Angela suggested that we all reintroduce ourselves. You may have noticed in your life experiences that as people age they become more opinionated and direct. Since I am writing as the self-appointed matriarch of the group, I took the privilege of going over our ground rules. You can’t build a good roof without a good foundation you know.

Fostermommy is 68 years old and parenting teenage foster daughters with a private agency. Two girls have been home since they were eleven years old, one came from residential treatment, and the other had eight previous placements. Ten other teenage girls have come and gone over the last 10 years, each staying an average of 3 years.

After raising three daughters, it just seemed natural to take in teenage foster daughters. After becoming a widow in 1998 after 37 years of marriage, an adult daughter, Julia talked Fostermommy into providing foster care. Julia had adopted five children at that time and has since adopted two more. She also convinced Fostermommy to share her experiences with others because that is what she does. Sort of like walking in your parents’ shoes only backwards.

I hope you all stick around, and I really appreciate your input, comments, suggestions, and questions. Questions come in real handy when we are experiencing writer’s block.

Photo Credit: Julia Fuller 2006

Are You Emotionally Healthy Enough to Parent an Older Adopted Child?

2008-09-02T21:04:49-05:00

It seems that those who survived less than ideal childhoods go on to make some pretty amazing parents, and some especially spectacular adoptive parents. This due to their ability to not only sympathize with their adopted child, but to empathize with their adopted child, and understand their pain of abuse and/or neglect on a very personal level. It is only those parents whom have taken the time to dig up, let loose, examine, and heal their own past wounds who will be able to handle parenting an older adopted child.

Adults, that have not taken the time to heal whatever remaining emotional scars they still carry with them from childhood, can and often do appear to be stable, happy, and well functioning people… for the most part. However, without facing, coming to terms with, accepting, and releasing their own long pent up emotional pain, it is only a matter of time before an older adopted child finds a trigger or two and unleashes the emotional floodgates of their adoptive parent(s.)

Traumatized children are expert button pushers, and even the most skilled adult at hiding past pains, will very quickly find themselves overreacting to situations that the child has created. As the child will almost instantly pick up on the adults hot buttons and what makes them tick, and they will then proceed to push every one of them continuously.

A parent who has healed the past trauma and negative energies, will be able to see through the child’s behaviors. Recognize what he or she is doing, and steer right around it, or at the very least know not to get caught up in it

A parent who is not yet emotionally healed and healthy however, will easily be sucked into the child’s games. Then play them for quite some time before ever realizing exactly what it is they are engaged in.

Older adopted children are going to try to cause emotional pain, because they are experiencing pain. They will attempt to recreate the environment that they are used to, one of chaos and turmoil. It takes an emotionally strong, healthy person to constantly combat the child’s attempts at emotional destruction. Until the child realizes the need to utilize different tactics to cause trauma in the home, or gives up.

I am always reminded of the slogan from the old U.S. Army commercials when I speak (or in this case write) about older child adoption; “Only The Strong Survive.” It rings true on so many levels when it comes to older child adoption. The child has to be so strong in order to survive being born into and living in the birth home. They then must survive the emotional upheaval of being removed from it. On top of that they must then learn to trust adults, let down their walls and willingly love and attach themselves to strangers. Who are doing no more than making the same promises to the child that have been broken, time and time again, by every other adult the child has ever encountered. At the same time the foster parents must find a way to survive, well being foster parents. The pain that the children cause, the pain the children are going through, and the pain of losing them, either back to the birth home or to an adoptive home.

Last but not least, the adoptive parents must be strong, perhaps the strongest of all involved, because they are the end of the line. All of the previous emotional damage and baggage caused by others arrives at their door right along with their adopted child.

They are now the ones in charge of helping to heal all of it, as well as facing the wrath of the child as he or she desperately tries to work through and release all of the emotional pain inside. By lashing out at the very people who are desperately trying to help. Many parents of older adopted children are punished repeatedly by the child for every nice gesture, gift, piece of advice… for every nice anything that they attempt to bestow upon their child for a good portion of their initial relationship. As the child tests boundaries with the parent, recreates the turmoil that they are used to, and unloads years of hurt, disappointment, pain, and abuse on the innocent bystanders they now call mom and dad.

Only The Strong Survive.

How to Help a Traumatized Adopted Child to Stop Dissociating

An Unfixable Child

Guest Blog: "RAD, Not Just About Abuse, But Often Just Trauma (or adoption) Itself" by OpenAdoptionMom

Support From Other Trauma Survivors for Traumatized Adopted Child

Talking With Adopted Child About Abusive Birth Family

Nurturing Adoptions: Creating Resilience after Neglect and Trauma

Adopted Children and Adoption-Related Trauma

Image Credit:-bast-

Adoption Closed in Vietnam, Time Running out for Adoption Cases Stuck in Guatemala, Hope for Ethiopian Children with HIV

2008-09-02T18:43:37-05:00

It seems like just yesterday that adoption from Vietnam reopened and families were eagerly anticipating the day they could bring home children to love and parent. In 2007, 828 children were adopted from Vietnam and in 2006, 163, after adoptions from Vietnam were closed between 2004-5. But now the adoption agreement between the U.S. and Vietnam has expired, and the program closed indefinitely because of an inability to resolve disagreements over fraud and corruption. When adoptions reopened in 2006, immoral and greedy people eager to make fast money attached themselves to the adoption process in Vietnam, apparently abducting children who were not available for adoption. Now approximately 1700 American families are left in limbo, even though Vietnamese officials claim they will complete the adoptions of families who are already matched with a child.

Of course, the baby is being thrown out with the bathwater, because there is no shortage of children in Vietnam needing homes. But this is the way it always happens in the intercountry adoption world - reforms cannot seem to be made without stopping the process, at the price of making children suffer. Adoption from Vietnam did not create orphans; there have always been orphans in Vietnam who need forever families. But officials in third world countries have a hard time curbing corruption, and with no organizations like UNICEF willing to help facilitate transparent adoptions, ultimately the door to adoption closes.

And in beautiful Guatemala, land of eternal spring and poverty, the Attorney General’s office (PGN) stayed open all weekend because this was the deadline for presenting birthmothers and children for interviews. Additionally, abandonment cases also had to be presented, and the children brought to PGN. Without a birthmother interview, cases cannot be approved by PGN and may go to the Family Court, where a judge will make a swift decision. Whether this will happen or not is a big question. Adoptive parents with children still caught up in this nightmare have been living under stress and worry for months. My heart goes out to them and the children.

Although the media often claims that adoptive parents in the U.S. only want to adopt healthy, white infants, these facts prove otherwise. Large numbers of American parents are interested in adopting children from Ethiopia that are HIV positive. Every year nearly one in 14,000 Ethiopian newborns are diagnosed with HIV, and an estimated 2 million children in sub-Saharan Africa are living with HIV/AIDS. In 2005, 2 adoptions of HIV children from Ethiopia were completed; in 2006, 4; in 2007, 13. But already in 2008, there are 38 adoptions of HIV positive children from Ethiopia in process or completed. Last year a total of 1,255 children were adopted from Ethiopia.

American Adoption Statistics

Image Credit: wikipedia