Adoption Under One Roof

Crying is another area in which child abuse survivors tend to go to one extreme or the other. In one corner, you have the traumatized children who never, ever cry. These are the children who are more vulnerable to expressing their emotions in other ways, such as cutting or burning their pain onto their bodies. In the other corner are the traumatized children who seem to cry at the drop of a hat.

I was (and still am) one of those sensitive souls who tear up easily. The most embarrassing is when I tear up at commercials. I remember a dog food commercial that always got to me. It started with a girl playing with a puppy, then moved to a teenaged girl playing with an adult dog to a grown woman petting an old dog. Darn it if I am not tearing up now just thinking about it!

Here’s the thing, though – When I recovered the memory of my own dog being killed in front of me, I could not manage to come up with even one tear. I can talk about that traumatizing incident and show no emotion at all.

Yes, I know I am a day late and a dollar short, but I didn’t think about this topic until Mother’s Day weekend passed … For those of you who are not aware of this, many birthmothers have chosen the day before Mother’s Day as the day to celebrate birthmothers. It’s a good idea for a compromise – birthmothers get to celebrate over Mother’s Day weekend but don’t celebrate on Mother’s Day, leaving that day for the adoptive mothers to celebrate with their adopted children.

I had never heard of Birthmother’s Day until learning about it online. I have never seen the occasion included on a calendar or anything. Once I learned about the holiday, I started sending my son’s birthmother packages for Birthmother’s Day and Christmas, which are spread out nicely for twice a year packages. Since my son’s birthmother passed away, I (obviously) no longer put together packages for her, which is why I didn’t think about Birthmother’s Day earlier.

When I first learned about Birthmother’s Day, I confess I was a little resistant to the idea. After all, I had waited many years to be my adopted child’s mother, and I was the one doing the day-to-day parenting of my child. I didn’t want to share my special day with anyone else.

Ian … … its meaning is "God is gracious" - Think Baby Names

The baby name Ian is of Scottish and Gaelic origin and is a variant of the baby name John. The baby name first broke into the popularity chart in 1935 at #946. It gradually climbed the chart, breaking into the Top 500 in 1962 and the Top 200 in 1972. By 1982, the baby name was a Top 100 name. Since 1982, the baby name has held steady in the 60’s to 80’s, peaking at #65 in 2003. In 2010, the baby name ranked #72. See Popular Baby Names.

When I first sought an individualized education plan (IEP) for my special needs child, the Special Needs teacher pointed out that getting an IEP for my child means giving him a special needs “label.” My reaction was that the label was to protect my child – I was not looking to pretend my child is anything other than who he is.

Many special needs parents have a different reaction to the special needs label. They fear stigma involved in disclosing the child’s disabilities to others, and they don’t want their child “labeled” throughout his or her school career.

If your special needs child is able to succeed in school without being “labeled,” I see no reason to disclose the disability. I am a good example of this. While I have a diagnosis of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), my condition never interferred with being successful in school. Therefore, I needed no special services and had no need to self-disclose my condition.

However, my sister’s PTSD has caused her to have social anxiety disorder, which directly affects her ability to be successful in the classroom.

While I am thrilled to see adoption get more coverage on television, I really wish the writers would become more knowledgeable about adoption before portraying it on their shows. One of the biggest recurring issues I have seen on several shows is the complete disregard for birthfather’s parental rights.

As an example, on ABC’s Desperate Housewives, Susan’s daughter, Julie, had a crisis pregnancy and was matched with an adoptive family without the birthfather even knowing about the pregnancy. Susan met the hopeful adoptive parents before the birthfather was ever told about the pregnancy. On In Plain Sight, Mary Shannon also made an adoption plan without telling the birthfather about the pregnancy. He only found out about the pregnancy because he showed up on her doorstep unexpectedly and saw her baby bump.