I had been looking forward to watching the latest episode of 90210 all week. (Yes, I am well aware that I need a life!) With last week’s episode ending with the birth son of Harry (played by Rob Estes), 25-year-old Sean (played by Josh Henderson), making his introduction to his two half-sisters, I knew there would be lots to blog about this week. So, you can imagine my frustration when the cable channel fritzed out after the first scene. AARRGGHH!!

Since then, I have been impatiently waiting for the CW to post the full episode online. No-go. I finally found it elsewhere, so we can get down to business.

My first reaction was, “Why in the world would a birth son come unannounced to his birth father’s house at night and walk up to the front door when there is clearly a huge party going on?” It seems to me like something as personal as an adoption search and reunion should happen in a much more private setting.

I also find it weird that he went to his birth father’s house instead of his birth mother’s house.

On Trauma Tuesday, I talked about a difficult topic: Trauma Tuesday: Orgasms during Rape and Sexual Abuse. See that blog entry for an explanation of how experiencing orgasms during rape and sexual abuse messes with a child’s head. In this blog entry, I am going to focus on how you, as the foster or adoptive parent, can help your abused adopted child heal the wounds that resulted from experiencing orgasms during sexual abuse.

1. Explain that having orgasms during rape or sexual abuse is normal.

Most adult survivors of sexual abuse are not aware that experiencing orgasms during sexual abuse is normal, so most abused children are not going to know this, either. Reassure your abused child that his body reacted just like anyone else’s body would have responded to sexual stimulation. He bears no shame in having experienced an orgasm while being sexually abused.

2. Tell your abused child that the sexual abuse was not her fault.

Even if the child experienced an orgasm with every single rape, the child was still not responsible for being raped.

The current issue of TV Guide has an interesting article entitled, “Does Sex on TV Influence Teens?” According to this article, a recent study found that teenagers who frequently watch TV shows with high sexual content were twice as likely to become pregnant than teenagers who watch the least number of racy shows.

Wow!

I figured that the study must be online somewhere, and I was right. The New York Post wrote about it in an article entitled Teen Pregnancy Tied to Sexy TV Watching. The quotes in both stories are from the study's lead author Anita Chandra, who is a Rand Corp. behavioral scientist. According to the New York post article, teen pregnancy rates were dropping until a 3% rise in 2006, which are the most current statistics available.

Today I am going to talk about a very difficult topic. Those of you who read my blog regularly know that I do not shy away from the tough topics. Today’s topic is definitely a tough one: orgasms during rape and sexual abuse. Most people don’t want to think about orgasms during rape and sexual abuse, much less talk about it, but you need to be aware that this happens if you are parenting a child who has been sexually abused.

The ugly reality is that most children who are sexually abused or raped on a regular basis experienced an orgasm, anywhere from one time to multiple times, while they were being sexually abused. As you can imagine, experiencing an orgasm while being abused is confusing at best to an abused child. It causes the child to question whether he really liked the abuse after all and whether the abuse was his fault.

You, as the adoptive or foster parent, need to know that experiencing an orgasm during rape or sexual abuse is both normal and common.

As I have shared before, I am parenting an adopted only child. Having an only child was never my plan. Before entering into parenthood, I really wanted between two and four children (goodness help me!!). Hub wanted one or two children but would have been happy without any, too. For hub, it all boils down to cost, but that’s another story…

We did go through the adoption home study process a second time and were waiting to be matched with an expecting mother when I decided that I would rather not do the baby thing again. Hub had always wanted to stop at one after the “sticker shock” of our first adoption, so he was on board for raising an only child.

My only concern was for my son. He is such a social kid, and I bend over backward to provide him with multiple play dates. Nevertheless, he does not have a built in playmate, and he envies his friends who have siblings.

Out of nowhere, my adopted child told me that he wants a brother.

Matthew … its meaning is "gift of the Lord" - Think Baby Names

The baby name Matthew is of Hebrew origin. Matthew was one of the twelve disciples, and he wrote one of the Gospels. Matthew was a tax collector before becoming a disciple, so he includes the most references to parables related to money as compared to the other gospels.

In the United States, the baby name Matthew has not dropped below #209 since 1880. (The baby name ranked #209 in 1931.) The baby name broke into the Top 100 in 1956 and jumped into the Top 10 in 1972, where it has remained ever since. The baby name Matthew peaked at #2 in 1995 and 1996, and it dropped down to #9 in 2007. See Popular Baby Names.

Anthony … its meaning is " unknown" - Think Baby Names

The baby name Anthony is of Latin origin. Nobody knows what the baby name is supposed to mean. I checked several sites, and they all report that the meaning of the baby name Anthony is unknown.

Apparently, not knowing the meaning of the baby name Anthony has not affected the popularity of the baby name. In the United States, the baby name Anthony has been in the Top 100 since 1883!

One of my ongoing frustrations in parenting an adopted child with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is having to “justify” that he even has this condition with well-meaning but uninformed people. (Yes, I know that my life would be easier if I just took the “go to h#$%” approach when these situations arise.) I try to educate others, but some people, quite frankly, just don’t want to be educated. They would rather believe that I am just having unrealistic expectations rather than that ADHD is a real condition that my adopted child really has.

It doesn’t help that there are constantly people trying to say that ADHD is just a “made up” disorder and that, if we parents just did X, Y, and Z, then we would not have a child with these issues.

I am a big fan of the television show Samantha Who?, which stars Christina Applegate as a “bad girl” who got hit by a car, lost her memory, and is now a “good girl” trying to figure out who she is. In each episode, the amnesiac Samantha experiences a flashback in which she remembers being an incredibly self-centered and mean person. The Samantha today is starry-eyed and sweet. Trying to merge together who Samantha was with who Samantha is today is at the core of the show.

What does this have to do with adoption? If you are parenting an abused child, it has everything to do with it. While Samantha Who? is a comedy and not looking to “go deep,” it provides a wonderful representation of what it is like to deal with flashbacks.

As the television show 90210 promised, the birth son of Harry Wilson (played by Rob Estes) and Tracy Clark (played by Christina Moore) made his appearance last night, looking suspiciously like the guy who deflowered Julie Mayer and impregnated Danielle Van De Kamp on Desperate Housewives. (The birth son, Sean, is played by Josh Henderson, who also played Edie’s nephew, Austin McCann, on Desperate Housewives.) The birth son only had two lines, but those two lines were enough to spark an interesting topic.

Sean unknowingly walked up to his two half-siblings and stated that he was “Harry Wilson’s and Tracy Clark’s son.” I was a little taken aback by this (and sitting on the edge of my seat waiting to see everyone’s reaction next week!). I found it odd that he referred to himself as their “son.”

Now, don’t get me wrong. I believe that anyone involved in an adoption search and reunion has the right to label himself in any way he wants.