You are older and want to adopt. Is it possible? Yes, through domestic and intercountry adoption.
At one time it was very unusual for older parents (45 years of age and up) to adopt, except in the case of family adoptions where there was basically no choice in the matter. In the recent past it has become more common, but ultimately older parent adoption only makes up for a very small percentage of adoptions.
Requirements for different countries vary, and often change frequently, so it is necessary to check with agencies about current requirements before making a decision. Additionally, there are many agencies that set an age limit lower than that of the country of adoption.
If you are an older parent interested in adopting, here are some additional points for you to consider:
1. You don’t have to be superman or superwoman. What you don’t have in energy, you make up for in patience, understanding, and life experience.
2. You can be married, divorced, widowed, single or have other children.
3. You can do domestic as well as some intercountry adoption. Depending on just how old you are (50 often being the cutoff age) you may be able to adopt an infant; older than that you may be limited to an older, or a special needs child. Some older parents go the route of the foster-adopt program done in domestic adoptions.
4. Although some older parents may prefer to start with a young infant or toddler so they can enjoy the baby stage, it is wise to remember that this age is physically demanding. How flexible are you about having your daily routine changed, not getting a good night’s sleep for possibly years, and/or not being able to just get up and go when you have the desire?
5. Do you have older parents that you have to care for? If so, you might want to consider how you are going to balance having a child along with this demanding commitment. Children are a 24 hour jcommittment, and that doesn’t automatically end when they complete high school. More and more children are living at home long past the age of majority.
6. Are you prepared to face the fact that the child you adopt may have special needs (physical, emotional, intellectual), often undetected until your child is older or begins attending school? This will add extra financial and emotional burdens to your life, and perhaps mean actively parenting longer than you anticipated.
7. Are you financially stable? As wonderful of a parent as you may be, the fact is that you will be gone from your child’s life when they are young. You want to be able to leave them financially stable.
8. Do you have a responsible and sincerely committed guardian in place? Do not assume that your older children, if you have any, will want to raise a child that you chose to adopt at an older age. When you do your home study they will want to know that you have a guardian in place, but only you know their true level of commitment. This is a very serious and important consideration.
9. If you have decided to adopt, get yourself in the best physical shape you can. If you’ve been a couch potato for the last few years, you best get up and get moving. As patient and loving as you may be, no child wants to sit around the house all day while you rest in your favorite chair reading and watching TV.
If you are adopting an infant or young child, start lifting weights to strengthen your arms. Begin a walking program. Be realistic - you don’t need to run marathons. But spend some time watching parents with young children and note just how much energy is expended caring for them.
10. Choose an agency that has a positive attitude towards older adopting parents. You will have enough naysayers questioning your hopefully well thought out decision to adopt - your agency, lawyer and/or adoption facilitator need to be supportive.
Links to Blogs on Older Adoptive Parenting
Getting Your Paperwork in Order
Running After A Toddler Won't Keep You Healthy
Are the Seven Dwarfs of Menopause Raising Your Children