Abused Children

Trauma Thursday: How to Deal with Abused Children

Submitted by FaithA on Thu, 06/17/2010 - 06:13

Traumatized Adopted Child (c) JulieC

A reader would like to know how to deal with abused children. In most respects, abused children are like other children. They like to play, go out for ice cream, etc. They are not like an alien species. Abused children are still, at their core, children with the same needs as any other child. Nevertheless, there are definitely differences that anyone who will be dealing with abused children needs to know.

First of all, abused children have major issues with trust. Their trust has been violated in a huge way by someone they trusted, so abused children are generally wary of trusting anyone with anything. So, if you are going to deal with abused children, you must be trustworthy in the little things as well as the big things. If an abused child cannot trust you to show up on time, why would he trust you to keep him safe?

Trauma Thursday: Why People with PTSD Don’t Talk About Their Experiences

Submitted by FaithA on Thu, 02/04/2010 - 12:28

Traumatized Adopted Child (c) JulieC

I recently read a magazine article highlighting the issues with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) in soldiers. The article talked about the soldiers’ reluctance to admit that they were struggling with PTSD or talk about their experiences. Also recently, a woman shared with me that her father, who fought in World War II, told her about a battlefield experience that he had never told anyone before.

I always find it interesting to hear the speculations of people without PTSD about why those of us with PTSD do not share our stories because, in most cases, the speculations are way off base. I can tell you why – We don’t want to burden you. When you have endured something as horrifying as being locked in a box for hours covered in blood or feces, or storming a beach through the body parts of your fallen comrades, you don’t know how much the other person can handle hearing. We don’t talk about it because we don’t want to burden you with the horrors that haunt our nightmares.

Trauma Tuesday: “I Want to Die”

Submitted by FaithA on Tue, 04/28/2009 - 07:45

Traumatized Adopted Child (c) Julie C

On my blog entry entitled Head-Banging in the Abused Child with DID, a reader posted the following comment:

And, with the suicidal thoughts - when a child expresses their feelings using the words "I WANT TO DIE" - they have reached the end. They are not attention seeking, they are not looking for something tangible. But it is everything and everyone inside of them wanting the pain, the hurt, the memories to stop and to go away. And, when expressed in such a manner - they want someone to stop and to hear and to do something - anything. But what if they don't listen? ~ alejansmom

Feeling suicidal urges and expressing the feelings of “I want to die” is very common among child abuse survivors. It is so common, in fact, that I rarely encounter a child abuse survivor who has not expressed this feeling at one time or another. For many of us, this thought can be a regular companion throughout our lives, even if we never act upon it.

When an abused child says, “I want to die,” what he is really saying is, “I am in so much emotional pain that I am willing to do anything to make the pain stop, even if I had to die to do it.”

Trauma Thursday: Boys Town -- Resource for Abused Children & Parents

Submitted by FaithA on Thu, 01/22/2009 - 09:15

Traumatized Adopted Child (c) JulieC

This week’s episode of the television show The Secret Life of the American Teenager addressed the issue of sexual abuse. Teenage expecting father, Ricky (played by Daren Kagasoff), is in foster care after being sexually abused by his father. In this episode, the father got out on parole and violated a restraining order by making contact with Ricky twice during the show.

At the end of the show, the actor Daren Kagasoff talked about a resource for anyone who has been sexually abused called Boys Town. The actor said that a crisis hotline is available 24/7 for anyone who needs support: 1-800-448-3000. He urged anyone who is being sexually abused to call that number.

I checked out the website for Boys Town to see what it is all about.

Trauma Thursday: When Abused Adopted Child’s Traumas Trigger Your Own Issues

Submitted by FaithA on Thu, 12/11/2008 - 09:15

Traumatized Adopted Child (c) JulieC

Many people who adopt abused children were once abused themselves. Those who know the pain of experiencing child abuse often have the most compassionate hearts for abused children, so it makes sense that they would want to provide the safe and loving home to an adopted child that they, themselves, never enjoyed.

Unfortunately, if you are parenting an abused child and were abused yourself, you are going to run into some issues along the way. Some issues that your adopted child has to deal with are going to trigger issues in you. This will put you in the position of needing to nurture your abused child while you also nurture yourself.

It is normal for adult survivors of child abuse to feel triggered whenever they are faced with something that reminds them of the trauma that they suffered.

Trauma Tuesday: Hoarding, OCD, and the Abused Adopted Child

Submitted by FaithA on Tue, 11/11/2008 - 09:15

Traumatized Adopted Child (c) Julie C

Most people have heard of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). When they think of OCD, they think of an adopted child who must lock the door three times or keep the objects in her room in a particular order.

OCD is common in abused adopted children. OCD is an anxiety disorder, and abused children frequently struggle with deep levels of anxiety. One way that abused children manage their anxiety is through OCD symptoms. By controlling things that most people do not care about, they feel like they are taking control over their own lives. This is very important to an abused child whose life has been out of control.

One manifestation of OCD that many people are not aware of is called “hoarding.” Hoarding is when an abused adopted child must stockpile a whole bunch of a particular item. If anyone tampers with the stockpile, the abused child can become agitated to the point of having a panic attack.

I have an issue with hoarding pens.

Trauma Tuesday: Abused Child and Halloween

Submitted by FaithA on Tue, 10/28/2008 - 07:54

Traumatized Adopted Child (c) Julie C

If you are parenting an abused child, you might notice that your abused child does not enjoy Halloween as much as other children do. While your abused child might enjoy the candy, other aspects of Halloween might be very triggering for your child.

Abused children rely upon being able to read facial expressions to determine whether they are safe. Their abusers would get a particular look on their faces before they harmed the child. As a result, most abused children are masters at reading faces and are hypervigelent about using this skill.

Of course, wearing masks and disguising faces is a big part of the fun of Halloween. This is not fun for the abused child. Masks succeed in hiding the facial features of the people around the abused child, which leaves the child feeling extremely vulnerable.

If you are parenting an abused child, do not wear a mask for Halloween. Make sure that your abused child can easily read your face at all times. This will be extremely reassuring to your child as he ventures out on Halloween night unable to read the faces of the people around him. At least he will know that he is safe around you.

Why Do Abused Children Have a Higher Incidence of Asthma

Submitted by JuliaFuller on Thu, 09/11/2008 - 04:45

Have you noticed that your adopted children who were abused and/or traumatized prior to adoption seem to have a higher incidence of asthma than other children do? I have noticed over the years that children new to my home tend to get sick frequently, especially during the first year of placement. While I hadn’t thought about asthma specifically, shortly after becoming a foster parent I became the owner of a nebulizer. Over the last 14 years, that nebulizer has had quite a workout, so I suppose there is something to it. New research in Puerto Rico indicates that children who have suffered sexual and/or physical abuse have double the average risk of developing asthma. In Boston, Harvard Medical School’s Dr. Juan C. Celedon and his colleagues want pediatricians to screen victims of child abuse automatically for asthma. More importantly, they want pediatricians to be aware that children with asthma may have suffered, or be victims of, child abuse.