One unfortunate reality of child abuse and other forms of trauma is that it follows you throughout the rest of your life. Yes, an abused foster or adopted child can work through therapy and live a much more fulfilling life than he or she would have lived otherwise, but the past is never fully just “the past” never to be heard from again.

I faced this reality just yesterday. My son’s attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) doctor dropped off the face of the earth, forcing us to have to find another doctor. Because of the medications he is taking, his primary care physician did not feel comfortable treating his ADHD, so we found another child psychiatrist through a referral. I like her and believe she will do a good job.

Of course, the first meeting about getting to know my son, and the dynamic of his family is an important part of this. I cannot explain the dynamic of my marriage without explaining the dynamic of the changes from before to after therapy.

This blog entry is for those of you who are parenting a difficult foster or adopted child. Perhaps you adopted a child with a history of trauma who exhibits behaviors not typically seen by children who were born into loving homes. Or perhaps you are like me and parenting an adopted child who, despite being adopted into a loving home soon after birth, has special needs that make him or her difficult to parent.

Parenting a difficult child is hard work, and the rest of the world does not seem to get that. Sometimes it just drives me bonkers, and I am sure that at least some of you can relate to that. I know that each child comes with his or her unique challenges, but I will take a picky eater over a child who doesn’t sleep and has no self-control any day. No, I am not saying that I don’t love my adopted child or have regrets about adopting him, but I get frustrated when people who are parenting “normal” children try to minimize my struggles by trying to equate their minor issues with the major ones that I, and many of you, deal with every single day.

One of my parenting challenges is being a special needs adoptive parent who is raising a special needs adopted child. My special need is post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), which was the result of growing up in an abusive environment. My adopted child’s special needs are asthma and attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), both of which are challenging for parents. Combining a special needs adoptive parent with a special needs adopted child can be quite a challenge.

For example, one of the symptoms of my PTSD is insomnia. I have a difficult time getting a good night’s sleep, and I have to jump through several hoops to get that to happen. (The addition of my weighted blanket has really helped with falling back to sleep after I jolt awake at 2:00 a.m.) So, about the last thing I need is a kid taking ADHD medication that makes it difficult for him to sleep. Having two sleep-deprived members of a family can be a real challenge.

However, I find that, because of my special needs, I understand my adopted child in a way that many people do not.

As I have shared several times, my adopted child has special needs. We did not know this when we adopted him as a newborn, so hub and I received no special training or education on how to handle these special needs as part of our home study process. I have pretty much had to figure it out as I go, educating myself by talking with other parents of special needs kids, reading books, researching on the Internet, and meeting with multiple professionals.

First, our adopted child was diagnosed with asthma. Then, he was diagnosed with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). The ADHD has been the more troublesome special need to learn how to parent because it causes all sorts of behavioral and developmental issues. I pushed for and got him an individualized education plan (IEP) when he was in second grade. Thank goodness for this because, without that IEP, I would be completely panicking right now.