Adoptee rights

More Open Birth Records in Canada

Submitted by LisaS on Mon, 03/15/2010 - 14:24

The Yukon territories  of Canada joins British Columbia, Alberta, Newfoundland, and Ontario as another Canadian province/jurisdiction that has recognized the importance of making birth and adoption records available to adoptees and birthparents. The new law will go into effect on April 30th, 2010.

What does this mean?

Adopted adults (19+) may apply for their original birth certificate and their Adoption Order.

Birth parents of adopted adults may apply for a copy of the original birth registration, the amended birth registration, and the Adoption Order. 

Birth parents and adopted adults may choose to file a disclosure veto or a no-contact declaration.

GUEST BLOG: Cut off at the Root and Still in the Dark in 2010 – the Need for Open Birth Records

Submitted by GuestBlogger on Mon, 02/15/2010 - 14:47

Marjorie Shaw is an adoptee in a closed domestic adoption and author of the book,  “A Legitimate Life: A Forbidden Journey of Self Discovery" published on Adoption Under One Roof.

As I review my adoptive brother’s records from his birth in Chicago, Ill., in 1941 there are many details I missed thirteen years ago when I bought his records for $450 from the adoption agency. Today after rereading the pages of information I discover to my surprise his bio mother only put her first name on the Health Department-Laboratories Section---Serolog—Syphilis test. It states she is 20, white, single and a Scottish last name is hand written in small script on the report under Negative on The Laboratory Findings:

On another blood report the last surname was the same for the Negative Kahn and when I turned the document over an English last surname was written in for the x-ray report of his spine. They gave him two last names!

The background information from the adoption agency states that his nursery name is the same Scottish one that appeared on most of his records. The agency stated that his bio mother was of French and German descent and they didn’t state the name or nationality of his maternal grandparents. The 20 year old birthfather is said to be of Polish descent. So it a total mystery as to where the Scottish and English surnames come from that are listed on all the medical papers from the hospital?

GUEST BLOG - A Legitimate Life: A Forbidden Journey of Self Discovery FINAL BLOG

Submitted by GuestBlogger on Fri, 02/12/2010 - 13:56

Back on 9/29/2008, I posted the first blog containing a segment from Marjorie’s book, “A Legitimate Life: A Forbidden Journey of Self Discovery.” Since then each Monday and Friday  I’ve had the honor of posting another section of Marjorie's book for our readers’ enjoyment.

This may be the last segment of Marjorie's book but it is not the end of the relationship between Marjorie and Adoption Under One Roof. I have suggested to Marjorie that she continue to submit blogs to our website – she has much to contribute to the adoption world.

Over the last year and five months,  I’ve come to consider Marjorie a good friend, so this is rather an emotional day for me, and perhaps for her as well. Personally Marjorie has given me incredible insight into the heart and soul of an adoptee; for that I will be forever grateful.

Thank you Marjorie from all of us at Adoption Under One Roof.

Lisa S.

Chapter Twenty- Eight - The Final Chapter - “A Family Found” (continued from here)

It was the Bartel family that had the beer brewery in LaCrosse. The beautiful standing gray marble head stone with FRANKE engraved on it and other small headstones made of marble with various ancestors names on them surrounded by pots and urns filled with red geraniums and ivy at the St. James the Less Catholic Church were all paid for by the Bartel beer money. My father’s wife didn’t have any money but she inherited it from Jim when he died. She talks very slowly with a bit of a British affectation. Jim and Bob my uncle were very frugal and invested in the beer company stock and it split and split which is how they made the family fortune. My father had an obsession with hunting, trapping and fishing that bordered on insanity but everyone loved him and his big smile. However it seems he was always dragging in dirt and mud from all his outdoor ventures and his wife just gave him his own room and shut the door and never cleaned it. He became involved in commercial fishing at one point laying the big fishing nets.

Uncle Bob was a recluse who adored his wife. He owned some of the houses on Charles St and rented them out. One girl who lived in the house next to his had an old car that backfired all the time. He offered to buy her a new car or have her car fixed. She said no and told him to stay out of her business so he bought the house and evicted her.

Mark is a private investor and is very quiet. He has custody of his daughter whose mother is in a mental hospital.

GUEST BLOG - A Legitimate Life: A Forbidden Journey of Self Discovery

Submitted by GuestBlogger on Mon, 02/08/2010 - 11:29

Our Guestblogger today is Marjorie Shaw an adoptee in a closed domestic adoption. This is the autobiography of her search for her lost self as an adoptee in a closed adoption. We are delighted that she has given us the opportunity to post her manuscript on our website in segments on Mondays and Fridays. © 2006 All rights reserved

Chapter Twenty- Eight - The Final Chapter - “A Family Found” (continued from here)

Judy forwarded another email she received from the wife of my second cousin in LaCrosse.

Hi Everyone,

I hope I have these email addresses correct. (I think I should keep them outside the computer, because I tend to lose what might be more current.) We did not know that Bob was in the hospital and would continue to live on 7th floor until his death. The last we talked to him was in June. (We always sent him the Cubs baseball schedule and then he called to say, "Thanks". His voice sounded strong, as it always was rather booming. We talked quite a while and he turned down my offer to bring him some meals. He used to go to the Arterial Bar/Restaurant to buy his "tickets" for football and baseball. He was always there on a Wed. a.m. and enjoyed visiting with his cronies. He would leave with a quart jar of home made soup. (The reason I know this is that an investment club that I was in met at 8:00 a.m. once a month on a Wed.} After I resigned from the club, we only kept in touch with an occasional call to him or from Rick. In June when we talked, he said that the owner of the restaurant brought soup to him at home (Charles St.). He felt he was well watched over by neighbors, St. James priests, and the kind minister down the street.

GUEST BLOG - A Legitimate Life: A Forbidden Journey of Self Discovery

Submitted by GuestBlogger on Fri, 02/05/2010 - 13:23

 

 

Our Guestblogger today is Marjorie Shaw an adoptee in a closed domestic adoption. This is the autobiography of her search for her lost self as an adoptee in a closed adoption. We are delighted that she has given us the opportunity to post her manuscript on our website in segments on Mondays and Fridays. © 2006 All rights reserved

Chapter Twenty- Eight - The Final Chapter - “A Family Found” (continued from here)

It was Wednesday September 16th when I Googled my Uncle Bob for the heck of it and found an article about him in the WinonaDailyNews.com.

Bob Franke once ran the CB&Q Hudson 4000 steam locomotive engine in 1941 after a short stint as a substitute teacher. “I loved running an engine,” the 91-year-old said,” “I’d do it again, I’m sure, if I was a younger man.”

As if by magic I went back in time and was that little girl who upon hearing the train whistle dropped everything she was doing to sprint out to the front porch of her grandfather’s house in South Pasadena to greet and wave at the smiling conductors who always waved back at her as the train passed by.

It was now Saturday September 19, 2009 and was finally finishing the story of my journey home. I woke up at 4am with the old depression tugging at me and the tears began to flow. Why was I so sad? Was it more grief from my reunion? I found myself as before needing to be alone in my car to drive through the country as I did to the beach in California to cry and scream like I used to do when these sad feelings and raw emotions became overwhelming. Was I sad that my story was over and I knew I would never meet my Uncle Bob. Think of the good not the bad kept running through my mind. Be thankful for what you have and don’t obsess over the love of the people you don’t have I kept telling myself.

Dear Adoption Maharishi: How Can an Adoptee Get the Courts to Produce Birth Information?

Submitted by Adoption_Maharishi on Tue, 02/02/2010 - 16:01

 

 

Dear Adoption Maharishi,

After many years of mental torment and agony of dealing with the person I call my mother I decided to attempt to find my roots. Here's the problem in the area of the birth certificate that usually has the doctors name and signature etc. Is has my adopted mothers name. The document appears to be fraudulent but I am told it is not. The other thing that is strange is my adoption was finalized early 1985 but my amended birth certificate was issued just six weeks after I was born. The home study was not performed until after my adoptive parents were chosen to receive me. To really top things off my adoptive parents had only been married for 8 months when they received me. Because of Texas laws my parents were allowed to finalize the adoption in a different county, rather than the one of my birth and of residence. Every time I go to the courthouse my adoption was "finalized in" they cannot tell me anything. Not even if it was indeed the courthouse. I'm at a dead end and I feel as if I am being cheated out of my history. I also would love to know my medical background. The funny part is my adoptive parents know that my birth mother had to have a hysterectomy due to cervical cancer. If anybody has any advice on how to find my birth parents it would be much appreciated even my search agent I hired is pretty much stumped, if we can not get the courts to produce any information I'm screwed. Signed, jmontgomery0627

Dear jmontgomery0627,

We truly understand and sympathize with your grief. One of our partners has a husband in the same boat. He was born in 1964 so the same era. In Michigan, you can pay the court a fee to locate your birthparents. A person at the court locates the birthparents and discusses the possibility of a meeting. Ultimately, it is up to the birthparents. In our case, the birthmother refused to meet. Thus he experienced another humiliating let down. Michigan also has a registry where adoptees, and relatives who know about the child placed, can put their names on a list to be contacted if the other party also puts their name on the list. Unfortunately, I don’t think these lists are very well operated. I bring this up because, Texas may have similar possibilities. Please ask your courthouse if they offer an adoption liaison service, where they anonymously contact the birthparents to request information. They can pull your records to do this. Ironically, we also adopted an infant from Texas.

Parents – Remember: We Don’t Own Our Children

Submitted by LisaS on Tue, 02/02/2010 - 14:37

A recent conversation in the comment section of one of our blogs, has finally pushed me to write this blog that has been floating around in my mind for a while.

Parents, adoptive or biological, listen closely: YOU DO NOT OWN YOUR CHILDREN. Humans are not objects to be purchased in the world of commerce – they cannot be owned. Even an adoption, where money passes hands, pays for the adoption services, not the child. As a parent you are responsible for loving, feeding, clothing, educating, caring for, and supporting your child. You are also legally responsible for your child until they are eighteen, but you do not own him.

As children we are generally under the care and auspices of our parents until we complete high school, college, or find our way independently in the world, but the majority of our lives we spend living separately from our parents. We are not owned by our parents.

As parents we spend many years raising our children - personally I’ve been actively parenting for 36 years. It seems that one day you are meeting their every need and the next day you are at their high school graduation. This does not give us ownership of our children. It is such a short period of time that they are in our lives everyday and we have some control over their whereabouts and their doings.

GUEST BLOG - A Legitimate Life: A Forbidden Journey of Self Discovery

Submitted by GuestBlogger on Fri, 01/29/2010 - 12:03

Our Guestblogger today is Marjorie Shaw an adoptee in a closed domestic adoption. This is the autobiography of her search for her lost self as an adoptee in a closed adoption. We are delighted that she has given us the opportunity to post her manuscript on our website in segments on Mondays and Fridays. © 2006 All rights reserved

Chapter Twenty- Eight - The Final Chapter - “A Family Found” (continued from here)

“Gary was abused as well as a kid. He was never good enough and never as good as Dan. He stuttered and was humiliated by my dad for it. My mom left Gary behind when she left and took all of us. So he lived with my dad for a few months after. I guess it got really bad and my dad held a gun to his head, among other things... etc. He finally got in his car at age 23 or so and drove to CA. Been trying to prove his worth ever since. He has been thru hell and back. He is very successful, but not so happy. Strange stuff when I think back about it all, unbelievable that we survived it and lived to be somewhat functional people,” and I agreed.

How astounding for me to hear all of the family dysfunction in a matter of two days in between all the family happy reunion festivities. I was happy they were telling me about what they endured because it mirrored my life in many ways but I held in my feelings as best I could trying to take it all in realizing they were like me and all of us had been traumatized as children too. My bags were packed, the girls and their husbands loaded up the cars with the food for the brunch and we were off once again with kids in tow to Joan’s farm for more Franke festivities.

“We are building a big horse barn to board people’s horses and the girl who is renting the little house down our driveway is going to teach lessons, train horses and take care of the stables. You can come back anytime and ride if you want to,” she said while taking an oil painting off the wall to show me.

Searching for a Birthmother - Part II: Choosing A Person to Search for Your Adopted Child’s Birthmother

Submitted by LisaS on Fri, 01/29/2010 - 11:31

In my previous blog about birthmother* searches, I suggested asking yourself some hard questions before you begin a search for your adopted child's birthmother. Once you have decided to execute a search, you need someone to do it for you unless you are doing it yourself.

My experience is limited to searching for a birthmother in Guatemala, but some of this advice is relevant for completing a birthmother search anywhere – in the US or outside US borders.

1. Do not choose the first birthmother searcher you hear about. Get the names of several searchers and research their credentials.

 2. Ask for references from people who completed searches with the birthmother searcher and call them.

3. Find out how many searches the birthmother searchers have completed and how successful they have been.

4. Compare prices. Some birthmother searchers are more expensive than others; sometimes there are hidden costs. For example, searchers may have you pay a small price up front, but “al a carte” pricing for every additional service they provide. Some searchers quote a much higher price initially that is all inclusive: transportation, telephone calls, transcripts of information, photos, etc.

Everything You Wanted to Know about Birthparent Searches: Part I: What to Consider Before You Start a Birthparent Search

Submitted by LisaS on Thu, 01/28/2010 - 09:55

Recently I shared that I completed a successful birthmother search for my adopted daughter. Since posting that blog I’ve received questions regarding how to do the search and which searcher to use.

Regardless of which country you are searching in to find your child’s birthmother* take the time to ask yourself a few questions before you begin a birthmother search. By doing this you will perhaps prevent heartbreak and stress up the road.

1. Why are you doing the search? Has your child asked you to search for her birthmother or have you taken the initiative? Are you just curious or is this a serious enterprise?

2. Are you going to tell your child about the search only if it is successful of if it is a failure as well?

3. What knowledge do you want to gain from this search? Personal information? Medical information? Continued contact? 

4. Finding a birthmother will be emotionally and possibly physically traumatic for the birthmother, particularly if the adoption was intentionally closed. As the person who has initiated the search, you are setting off a chain of events that cannot be reversed. Can you handle the responsibilities that will accompany this birthmother search?

5. Searches in some countries, like Guatemala for example, can be dangerous for the searcher. Are you ready for the responsibility of paying someone to do something dangerous?