As I shared in this post, some people have the mistaken impression that a biological child is somehow “better than” or preferred over an adopted child. This could not be further from the truth. My adopted child is simply my kid, and he is no consolation prize.

This used to bug me while I was waiting to adopt a child. For example, I lost count of how many times somebody told me that I would become pregnant after I adopted a child. I adopted my son 7-1/2 years ago, and I have yet to become pregnant. And you know what? That’s okay because I did not adopt my child as a fertility object. He is my son, not a means to an end. He is the “end.”

Did anyone happen to catch the “Oprah” show on past-life regression that aired this week? Her guest on that show was Brian L. Weiss, M.D., author of the book, Many Lives, Many Masters. He is considered one of the most authoritative voices on past-life regression, and his books have influenced my own beliefs in reincarnation.

Dr. Weiss hypnotized the studio audience, and the episode began with some of the members of the audience sharing their experiences. One woman said that she remembered multiple lifetimes, all of which involved her dying and leaving behind her children. She said she has a strong desire to become a mother but has been unable to become one.

Dr. Weiss said that this is a common theme among infertile women.

Waiting to adopt a child was a very difficult time in my life. It was hard enough going through over three years of failed attempts to become pregnant. At least during that time, I was doing something. While I was waiting to adopt a child, there was nothing to do except wait for the phone to ring. The wait was excruciating for me.

What made things even worse was that I felt as if I did not fit in anywhere. There was not even a Sunday School class for me at my church. Everything was set up according to stage of life. I was neither a newlywed nor a mother of a young child, so I had nowhere to go. (I do not think hub would have approved of my joining the class for singles!)

Most of my friends were either parents or newlyweds.

I was surprised to learn that adoption did not take away my infertility pain. I thought that the cause of my infertility pain was the inability to have a baby. So, once I adopted a baby, I assumed that I would no longer have any infertility pain. I was wrong.

My first clue that my infertility pain remained was my reaction to finding out that friends were pregnant with their second children. Without exception, I cried after hearing the news of one friend after another announcing her pregnancy. I held myself together in front of my friends because I had lots of experience in doing that during my 4-1/2 years of desperately wanting to become a parent. I had no idea why I was reacting that way when I held my child in my arms.

Just as most people assume that all birth mothers were young, poor, and single when they placed their babies for adoption, most people assume that all adoptive parents are infertile. This is not the case in many situations.

I have several on-line friends who never even tried to become pregnant. For one reason or another, they felt led to grow their family through adoption and never even tried to conceive a child. Those women tend to have a harder time relating to the pain of infertility after adoption because infertility was never something they needed to grieve.