One unique aspect of adoption is choosing the child that you will adopt. When a couple becomes pregnant, they are going to parent the child that they birth (unless they make an adoption plan, of course). Whether that baby is healthy or unhealthy, the biological parents are going to take what comes. They don’t have to think about whether this child will be a good fit for their family. They (hopefully) do the best they can with prenatal care to ensure that the baby is born healthy. Beyond that, they get what they get.

Adoption is very different in this respect. A hopeful adoptive couple can choose to walk away from a match or referral. They can choose to adopt a child with known health risks now or wait to be matched later with a child who (hopefully) has fewer health risks to consider.

Because hopeful adoptive parents have a choice about whether to adopt a particular child, they often wind up wondering how to know if an adoption referral or match is the right one for them.

I’m starting a new series on Adoption Under One Roof, called “Making the World a Better Place.” An eternal optimist, I’m convinced that each and every one of us can make a difference in the world or in someone's life. So in this series I’m going to focus on people who have done just that, but not made the front pages of the newspaper or been interviewed by Oprah.

I’m going to start with the contributions of one humble but highly energetic and kind hearted young woman. Tricia is a wife and mother to two precious daughters, one of whom was adopted from Guatemala. Not unlike many of us who adopted a child from Guatemala, Tricia adopted the country of Guatemala as well. 

Devoted to her children and her husband as well as handling a full time job, Tricia started making a difference in the lives of children in Guatemala. On her website  “Sisterly Shenanigans,” she told her readers about sponsoring children in Guatemala who could not afford to attend school. Within a short time readers had donated enough money to sponsor four little girls so they could obtain an education in a country where illiteracy among the poor, especially  girls  (52.9% of the female population over age 15 is illiterate) is tragically high. 

Linda Lach is an experienced adoption lawyer in Hawaii. She frequently shares her experience to help others in their adoption journey.

Adoption scammers pretend there are babies available when they are not, raising the hopes and expectations of adoptive families, and breaking hearts.

One type of emotional scammer, for want of a better term, is someone who is after attention. For some, it is because they are lacking in attention in their lives, and when they pretend to be pregnant, or even pretend to be placing a real child, they are suddenly the belle of the ball. They are overwhelmed with attention. It doesn't matter what they look like, or how far they went in school, or much of anything else - they are the, "Queen for a Day," to coin a phrase.

Dear Readers,

For the first time since opening the website “Adoption Under One Roof,” last February, 2008, we bloggers are taking a few days off for the Thanksgiving vacation to rest and spend time with our families. There will be no new blogs to read until Monday, December 1st when we will return rested and refreshed.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday.

Lisa S, Julia, Faith A, Julie C, Angela, Sandra, Foster Mommy

Suggestions for reading during Thanksgiving in our permanent files under the "Resources" and "How to Adopt" buttons at the top of the website:

Is Adoption Right for Your Family

Choosing an Adoption Agency

Adoption Readiness Assessment

American Adoption Statistics

Adoption Related School Assignments

Your Adopted Child's Birth Certificate

OR reread some of your favorite blogs by:

Julia

Angela

Julie C.

Lisa S.

Foster Mommy

Sandra Hanks Benoiton

Faith A.

OR check out your favorite series:

Hump Day Hippie

Running With Scissors

Baby Names

Parenting Mistakes Saturday 

Trauma Tuesday and Trauma Thursday

How to Tuesday

Adoption Maharishi

Friday Activities

Adoption Statistics

Seven Dwarfs of Menopause 

Transracial Adoption

Image Credit: flickr

I am convinced that it must have been negative 62 this morning while we stood, teeth rattling like ice cubes around an empty glass, waiting for the school bus.  As I was huddling as closely as humanly possible to my young hand warmer, I mean child, son, warm blooded offspring of mine, I happened to overhear some of the intermediate school kids stammering out a conversation in between involuntary body convulsions from the cold, and jamming their hands in their pockets while jumping in place for warmth. 

Moving away from the conversation was not an option, as they were serving as wonderful windbreakers against the gusty gales of the morning, so I listened to them talk about report cards, grades, and teachers, when the conversation ended up taking a detour into adoptionville, as one of the children stated that his teacher had been absent on Friday because she had to be in court, because she was adopting a child. 

Instantly my head shot up, and I was getting ready to say something about it being National Adoption Awareness Month, when I caught a very condescending look come over

Do not explain every detail to your child. When you bring older children such as teenagers into your home, it is easy to treat them like friends. Sometimes, you feel it is necessary to explain your decisions to them. I did this and I speak from experience when I tell you it is not in your best interest or that of your children. The older child is trying to befriend and impress you, at least initially. However, most of these children, while chronologically mature, are not emotionally mature enough to handle adult subjects.

In my last blog about Dear Birthmother Letters, we went over why a Dear Birthmother letter should not be addressed as such, but just in case you missed that blog, and are feeling to lazy to click on the link, we will go over the basic idea right here one more time.

She is not yet a birthmother, she has not yet given birth, nor has she relinquished a child for adoption, therefore we do not want to start the letter off calling her something that is, in its entirety, completely false. When addressing a Dear Birthmother letter, if you are going to refer to the possible placing mother in the greeting, you want to refer to her as what she is, and not what she isn’t.

Here are some examples on how you can address your Dear Birthmother Letter:

• Dear Expecting Mother,
• Dear Concerned Mother,
• Dear Potential Birthmother, (if you absolutely must use it, at least use it right!)
• Hello,
• Hi,
• Greetings!
• Salutations!
• Hi there!
• Welcome to our Family,
• The story of us,
• This is who we are,

Dear Birthmother author: Kathleen Silber,Phyllis Speedlin asin: 0931722209

People who are new to the adoption process might wonder if they can use more than one adoption agency at the same time. That depends upon the adoption agencies that you are working with. As long as both adoption agencies know that you are working with more than one adoption agency, there is nothing unethical about working with two adoption agencies at the same time.

We worked with two adoption agencies through Catholic Social Services that did not have a problem with us working with more than one adoption agency at the same time.

Many hopeful adoptive parents will be shocked to hear that there is such a thing as adoption benefits, and that many employers offer them!  It's true, adoption benefits are being offered by more and more companies, and many companies are offering better and better benefits as they grow to realize that happy employees are good employees.  With some adoption costs being rather astronomical, having your employer cover up to $23,000 of your expenses can help a young family to breathe a sigh of relief and not have to worry so much about how they are going to afford that next pack of diapers!

The adoption process is emotional enough as it is, the last thing that a couple needs is added stress from work piled on top of their already overloaded lives. Below you will find the top ten most adoption friendly workplaces, of 2008, according to the Dave Thomas Foundation. Who publishes a list of the top 100 adoption friendly workplaces each year in an effort to praise those companies who are taking good care of not only their employees, but their employee's families as well. 

Once a parent finalizes an adoption it is as if the parent gave birth to the adopted child. Therefore, the parent has the right to discipline the child in anyway that doesn’t cross the line of child abuse. That can include spanking a child on the buttocks. I am not trying to debate types of discipline, merely pointing out the options. The adoptive parent may have entered into an agreement with a birthparent or placing agency to avoid using spanking or corporal punishment. That is a separate issue.