Adoption Process

Guest Blog: Keep Believing Your Child Will Find You

Submitted by GuestBlogger on Tue, 03/09/2010 - 23:08

Shaken Baby with G-tube

As many of my adoption friends and family know, my partner and I started on the adoption journey a little over 2 years ago. We have been scammed out of money and emotionally scammed by parents looking to "give up" their unborn child. This is the story of our adoptions and a story of fate. I read April and Jayne’s amazing adoption story on a yahoo group that I belong to and begged them to share it with Ouradopt readers. Their story helps us to remember that when the time and the child are right, our adoption will happen. It can be difficult to keep that perspective when you are the one waiting to be chosen.

Last January, after the loss of our first child place with us (her mom changed her mind and took her home and the child passed away of SIDS), Jayne and I decided that we would become foster parents and foster to adopt. A private adoption would require money that we no longer had due to our failed adoptions. We knew that fostering would take it's toll on us emotionally but we were ready for it. We began our long and frustrating road down getting our license.

It was also last January that we received a phone call that changed our lives. A co-worker called about a baby boy being put up for adoption by a family member. Nolan was born three weeks later. We love our son he is the light in our lives but we knew we had more love to give so we continued on our foster licensing quest. .

GUEST BLOG: Are You Really Cleared to Adopt? Have you Ever Heard of the ICPC?

Submitted by GuestBlogger on Thu, 02/11/2010 - 09:57

Linny and her husband have adopted several times: Internationally, through the foster/adopt system, and transracially through domestic adoption. Five of these adoptions were infants; three were "older child" adoptions. They have known the joys and disappointments of adoption having placed one child into residential care, dissolving the adoption of another child, and having one child re-adopted. Linny and her husband have adopted one more time.......bringing a total of four at home....ages 8yrs to 1yr.

You have gone through all of the hoops and licensure to adopt in and out of your state; your approved home study is done and you’ve been in the waiting stage for months. One day, an adoption attorney or agency out of state phones you to say they have a baby that is already born and released for adoption. The birthparents have already signed relinquishments and you have been picked as the adopting couple and do you want to proceed?

Before you can think straight, you find yourself saying “yes.” You confer with your home agency and prepare to go to your new baby. Once there, you hold your new son or daughter, sign paperwork, stay in a hotel or with friends and wait for ICPC clearance in order to come back home.

And I'd Like to Say This About Haitian Orphans and Haitian Adoption...

Submitted by SandraHanksBenoiton on Tue, 01/19/2010 - 23:49

                               

Okay. Before I go any farther, I will freely admit that I am in a foul mood. I could very happily rip someone's head off about now, stick it on a pike, then beat the crap out of it with a hair brush ... almost anyone would do ... so perhaps, just perhaps, I am not reacting quite the way I should to today's news.

Whatevahh ...

It's this story that has me spitting spikes for this post.

Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano said the move would allow children eligible for adoption in the US "to receive the care they need."

Other nations said they were speeding up the process to allow Haitian children to join adoptive families.

First bit of vitriol that rises is directly attached to this, from Sacramento, my old town ... a story about family waiting to bring their child home from Haiti closing in on the end run of what had to have been a very long process.

The current time frame is 6 to 12 months for a referral, once your dossier arrives in Haiti. Two trips are required for families adopting from Haiti. The first trip occurs shortly after referral, and travel to pick up your child typically occurs between 12 and 18 months after you receive a referral (for childless couples) or 18-24 months (for families with other children).

Yep ... kids and parents waiting from one and a half to three years.

Was Haiti a garden spot before the quake? A safe haven for small children? Uh ... nope.It was a dirt poor, drastic place where bad things routinely happened to innocent people, where starvation and disease took thousands of lives and children were victims of horrible events on a daily basis.

Should Race Matter in the Adoption Process?

Submitted by FaithA on Wed, 12/30/2009 - 07:17

Peppers (c) Lynda BernhardtA reader wants to know:

Should race matter in the adoption process?

Whether or not race should matter in the adoption process, the reality is that race is a factor, just as age, gender, religion, and other differences matter in the adoption process. When I was going through the adoption process, I was shocked about how specific I was expected to be in what type of baby or child I was hoping to adopt. I had no idea that I was going to have to say yes or no to multiple health issues in both the baby as well as the birth parents. The process worked both ways – the birth mother was the one choosing which adoptive family would parent her baby, and she could specify the age, race, religion, and other factors that she felt comfortable with.

The race of the child placed for adoption and the adoptive parents does not matter in the sense of one race being “better” than another. What matters is that you have a good match. Any adoptive parents who are racist have no business adopting a child outside of their race, and thank goodness the screening during the adoption process prevents this from happening. No child deserves to be raised by parents who devalue him for any reason, whether it is for race, gender, or any other factor.

Anyone who is considering a transracial adoption needs to go into it with his eyes open. Transracial adoptions come with their own potential issues that are not experienced when people adopt a child of the same race.

"ORPHAN DOCTOR” Named one of Glamour Magazine’s Women of the Year

Submitted by LisaS on Wed, 12/09/2009 - 14:04

                           ben & mama

Dr. Jane Aronson is a pediatrician specializing in international adoption medicine. This year she was one of the recipients of Glamour Magazine's Women of the Year awards. Dr. Aronson is also a wonderful, generous, modest and kind human being. I know this first hand because she was my daughter’s “adoption doc,” as I fondly referred to her. Every bit of information I received about my daughter Ella, beginning with the referral information and continuing with monthly reports, was sent to Jane for evaluation. I’ve kept all Jane's emails responding to the reports and my concerns. I worried about everything – this was my first baby who was not in my arms from birth; watching her being raised from a distance was difficult.

Not unlike a lot of babies born in Guatemala, Ella was very small at birth (5 pounds) and her head circumference was not even on the American growth charts. Another adoption doctor recommended to me by my adoption agency, suggested that I rethink accepting Ella’s referral because of her small head circumference. I was  skeptical and sought a second opinion. I had heard of Dr. Aronson in the intercountry adoption circles, and everyone spoke very highly of her. I contacted her, she reviewed the documents, and this was her response:

 

“I plotted the measurements and she [Ella] is on the standard American growth chart for all measurements, except the head circumference at birth. Either that was done incorrectly or she had the molding of the skull bones that is so common in newborns. Then the bones move away from one another and skull measurement is more valid.

The photos are precious."

 

Guatemala “Might” Initiate an Intercountry Adoption Pilot Program

Submitted by LisaS on Tue, 12/08/2009 - 08:39

The National Adoption Council of Guatemala, the central committee responsible for handling adoption in Guatemala since the previous adoption system was shut down in 2007, is initiating a pilot program for intercountry adoption. This pilot program will include only four countries, but which countries has yet to be announced.

The JCICS (Joint Council of International Children’s Services) has verified that the U.S. Department of State has submitted a letter of interest to the Guatemalan government regarding participation in this pilot program. Seven other countries wrote a letter of interest as well.

The JCICS also made it very clear that this does not mean that adoption is reopening. The JCICS also reported that:

1. Potential adoptive parents may initiate a Hague adoption by submitting an I-800A with the National Benefits Center for a Guatemalan adoption, but this application cannot be processed through to a completed adoption. Guatemala is still not compliant with the Hague Convention on Intercountry Adoption.

2. The Government of Guatemala has not published a time-line for country selection nor initiation of the pilot program.

3. The Government of Guatemala has not provided assurances that the pilot program will actually be initiated.

4. The Government of Guatemala has not published the criteria by which they intend to accredit foreign adoption service providers. Based on the announcement published on the Guatemalan Central Authority’s website, only one (1) adoption service provider will be selected per country for participation in the pilot program.

Adoption Home Study: Training for Parenting Children With Special Needs

Submitted by FaithA on Mon, 11/23/2009 - 07:58

IEP Screening Document

As I have shared many times, I am parenting an adopted child with special needs. My adopted child has attention-deficit disorder (ADHD), asthma, and learning disabilities. When we adopted our child, he was a healthy newborn, and there was no indication that he might grow into a child with special needs. Yes, there were some risks involved (his birth mother smoked throughout her pregnancy), but all indications were that he was a healthy baby.

I know many people, both online and offline, who are parenting adopted children, and a majority of those children have special needs. I don’t know exactly why this is. Because children who were adopted internationally or out of foster care lived in other environments before joining their adoptive homes, I am not as surprised at learning about the higher percentage with special needs. However, it was a surprise to me how common special needs are with domestic infant adoptions as well.

In my opinion, education about parenting a special needs child needs to become a standard part of all adoption home studies.

Mother on a Mission to Bring her Daughter Home

Submitted by LisaS on Wed, 11/18/2009 - 15:08

 

Over two years ago my friend “P” and her husband received their referral for a baby girl in Guatemala. That baby girl is now a toddler, living in a poor orphanage in Guatemala City. Her adoption is being held hostage by a judge in Family Court – nothing has changed since the last update I posted. But my dear friend is not giving up, and today left for Guatemala with her youngest daughter, also adopted from Guatemala, in order to pay a visit to PGN (Attorney General’s Office), meet with a new lawyer she has hired, and to deliver 131 stuffed homemade Christmas stockings to the orphanage her daughter is living in. Every child in the orphanage will get a stocking. She is praying that she will get a few brief moments to hold her daughter – if the director discovers that “P” has a daughter in that orphanage she will no longer be allowed access. The judge on the adoption case has yet to approve visitation, so “P” cannot spend too much time doting on her daughter as it will look suspicious – one can only imagine how emotionally painful that must be.

Last summer “P” organized a fundraiser at her church to buy outdoor play equipment for the orphanage, which they personally installed during a mission trip. One of our readers made a generous donation to this cause when I blogged about it, and I thank her once again for her kindness and charity.

Dear Adoption Maharishi: Do Adopted Children Have Different Needs Based Upon Country of Birth?

Submitted by Adoption_Maharishi on Wed, 11/11/2009 - 10:21

Dear Adoption Maharishi,

My husband and I just attended an adoption orientation with another couple who is thinking about adopting a child. We were separated into two groups: domestic and intercountry. Our group (domestic) was told how important it is to maintain a connection with the birth mother. We were told that we could not have a closed adoption because staying connected with the birth mother is too important to the adopted child. However, our friends’ group (intercountry) was told that the adopted child would be just fine without any connection with the birth mother. All intercountry adoptions through this adoption agency are closed.

So, does an adopted child need to stay connected with the birth mother or not? I find it hard to believe that maintaining this connection is crucial in domestic adoption while, at the same time, completely unimportant in an intercountry adoption. You can’t have it both ways.

~ Skeptic

What Happens if I Fail the Home Study?

Submitted by LisaS on Thu, 10/15/2009 - 10:40

A reader of Adoption Under One Roof is concerned about the consequences of failing a home study. Does this mean that she will never be able to adopt? Is this the end of the road?

It is important to remember that there are many parts of the home study: a physical, criminal background checks, disclosure of financial information, mental health, personal information, family history, at least one visit to your home and at least two interviews.

If your home study is not approved the social worker must tell you why. If the reason for denying the home study is because of your financial situation (ie. you are over your head in debt) then you know what you have to do to pass it. If you have a medical condition that is temporary, when your health improves your home study will probably be approved. If you have committed crimes such as child abuse you will not have the opportunity to adopt a child, nor should you. If your house is incredibly dirty, disorganized and downright dangerous to bring a child into, you know what you need to do to pass the home study.

The worst case scenario is not passing the home study because the social worker doesn’t think you will be a suitable parent. This actually happened to an acquaintance of mine and his wife. They had tried fertility treatments for years and finally turned to adoption. His wife was desperate to adopt and emotionally fragile during the interview. She prepared for the home visit for weeks by cleaning and organizing until the house was perfect. They were both young, healthy, intelligent professionals with no health problems, police records, etc. Their home was lovely and a baby room was ready. During the first interview the wife cried about how badly she wanted a child in her life.