Birth fathers

New TV Show: “Life Unexpected”

Submitted by FaithA on Mon, 01/25/2010 - 07:42

Plant (c) Lynda BernhardtIf you liked the TV show Gilmore Girls and/or the movie Juno, then you will love the new CW TV series Life Unexpected. You will doubly love this show if you have any connection to adoption/foster care, which is why I am telling you about it!

Here is the basic storyline: Cate (played by Shiri Appleby) was a high school “nerd,” and Baze (played by Kristoffer Polaha) was a popular jock . They hooked up one night during a school dance and had a crisis pregnancy. Baze would not admit to having had sex with Cate at all, much less that he was the father, and he always assumed that Cate “got rid of it” until his almost-16-year-old birth daughter Lux (played by Brittany Robertson) showed up on his doorstep at the beginning of the pilot. Baze peaked in high school and is now an immature bar owner. Meanwhile, Cate went on to become a very popular morning disc jockey at a local radio station.

Cate placed Lux for adoption as a newborn with the foster care system and was assured that there was a long wait list for people wanting to adopt a blonde haired, blue eyed newborn. However, unbeknownst to Cate, Lux was born with a hole in heart and endured multiple surgeries during her first three years of life. By the time she was declared healthy, nobody wanted to adopt her as an older child, and she has lived her entire life in the foster care system.

Adopted Children's Birth Relatives Are Their People

Submitted by JuliaFuller on Mon, 01/18/2010 - 23:12

This is the promised continuation of “When a Birthparent Get Scammed They Lose a Child.”

We all understand that sometimes visitation is not in the best interest of the child. For example, if the birthparents are actively and currently involved with any type of addiction or illegal activity that is a sound reason to discontinue visitation. However, adoptive parents should still honor the agreement to send updates and pictures even if actual face-to-face visitation is not possible.

Unfortunately adoptive parents may not realize the affect they have on the lives and adoption choices of others. Recently, a young mother whom I have known personally for seven years wanted to place her unborn child for adoption. She went so far as to actually match twice and almost match a third time.

“Is My Birth Father Dead?”

Submitted by FaithA on Wed, 09/02/2009 - 06:43

Plant (c) Lynda BernhardtMy eight-year-old adopted child has always known about his adoption. There was never a point at which I hid the fact that he was adopted from him. (We adopted him at two days old.) I would say things like, “I am so glad we adopted you,” from time to time when he was a baby so the word “adoption” would be as normal as any other word in his vocabulary. My strategy worked – He sees his adoption as a fact of how he joined our family with no tension attached. His questions about his adoption are no different in tone than his questions about anything else.

One thing I seem not to have done as well with is giving his birth father equal billing. In fairness to me, I met my son’s birth mother before he was born, but I have never met his birth father. When you have actually met someone, it makes it much easier to talk about the person than when you are only relying on what other people said about him. Also, because I met my son’s birth mother, I have a lot of firsthand information that I can pass along, whereas anything I know about my son’s birth father came to me secondhand.

So, I guess I shouldn’t have been as surprised as I was yesterday when my son asked me out of the blue, “Is my birth father dead?”

Dear Adoption Maharishi: I Want to Live with my Birthfather

Submitted by Adoption_Maharishi on Mon, 08/31/2009 - 21:31

Dear Adoption Maharishi,

 

HI, I'm an adopted child I was adopted when I was a baby but now I'm 13 and I just got back form spending some time with my birth dad and now I'm at that "stage" I guess that I'm really wanting to lie with my birth dad I mean the parents that adopted me are great but I just wanna live with my birth dad I haven’t told my paper parents (that’s what they r cuz their only my parents through paper. yea I haven’t told them yet and I probably wont but that’s because It would break them but I just really want to live with my birth dad. kykykloo

 

Signed,

kykykloo

 

Dear kykykloo,

Congratulations on your great relationship with your birth father. Having a positive open relationship with him has surely contributed to the level of self-confidence necessary to make this assertion. Kuddos to your adoptive parents as well, for fostering such a positive relationship between you and your birth father. Adoptive parents frequently suffer from parenting insecurities that prevent them from allowing such an open relationship as you have with your birth father. For reasons known only to them, your birth parents placed you with your current adoptive family 13 years ago, to be raised by them.

Pre-Adoption Fears

Submitted by FaithA on Wed, 06/17/2009 - 07:45

Plant (c) Lynda BernhardtAdoption is filled with many pre-adoption fears. I was incredibly fearful before I adopted my child. Will I pass the home study? What if I am never matched with an expecting mother? Would the adoption fall through? Would the birth mother come back into our lives while my child was still a minor? Would my adopted child reject me when he is grown?

These were all fears that I felt from the perspective of an infertile woman who desperately wanted to adopt a baby, but what about the pre-adoption fears of an expecting mother or father? I can only imagine their fears: Am I making the right decision? Will the adoptive parents love my baby? Will my baby be safe? Will my baby understand why I placed him for adoption? Will I ever see my baby again? Will my baby want to see me when she is grown? Will the adoptive parents honor the terms of the open or semi-adoption?

My extended family had their own fears.

Where Is My Daddy Troy Dunn the Locator?

Submitted by JuliaFuller on Thu, 06/11/2009 - 22:30

Where is my daddy? He left my mom, my little sister, and me when I was two years old and we have not heard from him since. My former foster daughter sent this email to Troy Dunn, via the Troy Dunn website two days ago. I was a little surprised that she sent it, but this has consumed her thoughts lately. The contact form on the website says that you will hear from them in about 24 hours. Unbelievably, she received a phone call from a woman who works with Troy Dunn and the show about 30 hours later. She was absolutely elated.

She was on the phone with this woman from “The Locator” for about 20 minutes. The woman asked for the whole story, which she apparently wrote down. She asked specific questions, about her dad, like his name, birth date, and last known whereabouts. Then she dropped the bombshell.

My Baby’s Daddy Does Not Want to Place Our Baby for Adoption

Submitted by FosterMommy on Wed, 06/10/2009 - 22:27

Just Because on flickrIn case you are wondering, foster parenting does not end the day your foster child graduates from high school, turns 18, or ages out of the system. If you parented your foster child for any length of time, you may be in for a lifetime relationship. At least that is how it is for me. I foster teenage girls but a few have arrived here as young as 11 years. The girls I get are usually state wards, meaning they are not going home, so I usually keep them until they graduate. After they leave home as adults, they call periodically, stop by to visit, and get some grandma time. Surprisingly, even the ones who left angry, eventually mature and come back. Last week, a young woman called who left my home about four years ago. Actually, I have not spoken to her in several months. She was quite upset because her baby’s daddy does not want her to make an adoption plan for their unborn child.

GUEST BLOG: A Child by Any Means

Submitted by GuestBlogger on Tue, 05/26/2009 - 19:40

Our GuestBlogger today is David Archuletta, the father of a wrongfully adopted son.His son was placed for adoption by his girlfriend; he was told that the baby was stillborn and not his. The child was his and now David is devoted to adoption reform in the U.S. He has published a book: "Odyssey of an Unknown Father: The Complete Book on Wrongful Adoption." To date he has yet to see his child.

I am sure that the adoptive parents of my son are aware of me. Years ago I had nothing but respect for them. I now question their ethical and moral standing. Although they passed along the evidence of the fraud in their adoption of my son to their adoption attorney, did they persist in seeking out the truth about the extortion letter sent by the birthmother of my son?

Furthermore, were these adoptive parents told about additional evidence or adoption fraud received from a well respected Pueblo, Colorado doctor? This evidence was sent a mere two days after my son was born.

The most important question of all in my opinion is if these adoptive parents care about possible hereditary medical issues that their son could have; medical issues that could have been treated by way of preventative medicine therapy?

GUEST BLOG: Extortion by a Birthmother

Submitted by LisaS on Tue, 04/28/2009 - 08:34

This is an authentic letter sent by a birthmother to the adoptive parents of her birth child. It was submitted to me by the birthfather who received it from the OAE (Office of Attorney Ethics). It was used as evidence against the adoption attorney who handled the adoption. The OAE sent the birthfather a physical copy. Knowledge of this letter was made known to the birthfather by the DHS three months prior to his actually seeing it.

The adoptive parents received this letter unopened through the adoption attorney. After reading it, the adoptive parents gave it to their personal attorney, who advised sending it back to the adoption attorney to read.

According to the birthmother, $2500 was put in her hands by the adoption attorney, funded by the adoptive parents.

No one was prosecuted as a result of this letter. The birthmother was not charged with anything (under feasibility), the OAE dismissed the ethics charge against the attorney, the birthfather appealed and won a retrial, lost the retrial, filed yet another appeal and lost.

Case closed. To date, the birthfather has yet to see his child.

GUEST BLOG: The Interstate Compact for the “Trafficking” of Children - Part II

Submitted by GuestBlogger on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 08:15

Our Guestblogger today is David Archuletta, author of “Odyssey of an Unknown Father” The Complete Book on Wrongful Adoption

My name is David Archuletta, I am single, 49, and the father of a wrongfully adopted son; no, that is not my TV voice that captivates American Idol fans across the country. My told story will point to a much less auspiciously marked future. Yet, some will say that deservedly, such standing should be the case.

I met my girlfriend when my condition of Parkinson’s was two years diagnosed. It would not take long to find out that her immediate past had troubles as well. I had just turned forty-one, my disease was only progressing, her smile engaging. Thoughts of white picket fences did come to mind; it would not happen. What did happen I will only briefly go over, because as you might guess, what unfolded was not a storybook ending. Suffice to say, my person finds it difficult to talk about this subject in the first-person.

In short, my girlfriend gave birth to, and placed for adoption her son who I thought was stillborn and not of my blood. [This was set-up in a ruse much more complicated in ways and means.] Needless to say, the adopted child was my son, and the reason why I now stay my fight for adoption reform. I would like to take this opportunity to share a proposal for birth father rights. These are only the words of one unknown father. However, found evidence points to other fathers, long lost fathers who might share the same feelings."

 

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When a presumed birth father thinks his child has been adopted without consent, he would have two years to contact his State’s Federal level office in charge of the list. All that he would need to do is give his name, mail or fax a photocopy of his driver’s license, and a signed written statement authorizing the Federal level office to give his name to the person he claims is the presumed birth mother.

Once his identification is verified, and if the birth mother is on the Federally held list, the Birthmother State/Federal level office then informs the birth mother of the inquiry by the named individual. The Birthmother State/Federal office does this by the means of official State/Federal correspondence.

The Birthmother State/Federal office would also send his name as presumed birth father to the Federal office in the State that processed the adoption. The adoption handling State would now have opportunity to inform the adoption agency and/or adoption attorney. All three entities would now be aware of a potential birth father.

This law would only allow the birth mothers name to remain on the list for two years; this being the maximum time limit as some States have different time requirements than other States to finalize an adoption.