Patricia Dischler is the author of "Because I Loved You: A Birthmother's View of Open Adoption", a speaker, child care professional and birthmother. Read more from Patricia here.

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Now, more difficult to explain, is the fact that this pain, and this grief I feel each year, in no way affects whether or not I have regrets. I've talked with many birthmothers that when they feel this pain equate it to regret. But for me, regret is saying you made a wrong choice and you wish you had the opportunity to change that choice back. I never feel this way. I feel sorry that I was unable to make the choice to parent, but I don't regret the choice that I made. I know it was the right one for my son. I know he had a life that I would not have been able to provide for him. I know that the amazing man he has turned out to be is attributable to the wonderful mothering that Kathy did. I can't regret that, no way.

Patricia Dischler is the author of "Because I Loved You: A Birthmother's View of Open Adoption", a speaker, child care professional and birthmother. Read more from Patricia here.

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As I remember this day, I cry. The weight in my chest returns, my breathing gets difficult. The pain is just as fresh as the day I first felt it. I have often been told by my family that it is wrong to do this to myself each year on this day. I disagree. For me, it's not a letting in - but a letting go. All year, I have moments where the pain peeks in. And on this day I get to let it all in, feel it, and let it all go. But the question is: why is the pain still there when I now have a wonderful relationship with my son and his adoptive family?

Patricia Dischler is the author of "Because I Loved You: A Birthmother's View of Open Adoption", a speaker, child care professional and birthmother. Read more from Patricia here.

I often told my son's adoptive mother how much I loved her and was thankful she was a part of my life. But, like many things I've told her over the years, Kathy would already know. Back in 1985 I chose open adoption for my son. Being a birthmother has changed my life forever, and I know that becoming an adoptive parent changed Kathy's, too. We've traveled the road of adoption together, with respect and honesty. We've shared our hopes, our fears and our dreams for the boy we both love.

However, often adoptive parents do not get the chance to build this type of relationship with their child's birthmother. While most domestic adoptions are open, most children adopted from other countries are not. This disconnect from a child's beginnings can make it difficult for adoptive parents to provide answers their child will need as they grow and explore the issue of being adopted.

While a birthmother's experience after placement may be different in open versus closed adoptions, the process leading to the choice of adoption is much more likely to follow the same thread - love. Regardless of our place on this planet, birthmothers share the journey of facing a decision in a pregnancy and letting our love for our child lead the way. The individual circumstances may be very different from culture to culture, but ultimately we come to a place where we feel that what is best for our child is to have a life different than what we can provide and we choose adoption.

There are 10 things every birthmother thinks about, wishes for, and hopes for when placing their child for adoption. If you are in an open adoption, you may have heard some already; if not, they are important to know. They are:

A reader wants to know if a birth child who was placed for adoption is entitled to the death benefits of his birth mother. The short answer is no. When a judge terminates the birth mother’s parental rights (TPR), in the eyes of the law, the birth mother and birth child cease to have any legal connection. The birth mother’s rights and responsibilities toward the child were forever terminated, so the birth mother has no responsibility whatsoever for the welfare of her birth child.

Because the birth child is no longer legally connected to the birth mother, he does not “benefit” from the birth mother’s death. He is not entitled to any death benefits, nor is he considered a “child” of the birth mother under her will or under intestate law (when a person dies without a will). Of course, a birth mother can choose to include a birth child in her will or death benefits.