Over the years, I have raised quite a few foster teenagers to adulthood. It does not really take very long to raise a child when you don’t start until they are teens or tweens. Being a senior citizen on a fixed income, I really cannot afford to give any financial support to any of the girls once they move out of my home as adults. I do however continue to talk to them on the phone, be supportive, offer guidance when requested, and occasionally one will spend a night or a few days.

My last foster daughter to move out spent eight years with me. The last five months she was here were quite difficult financially because we were unable to arrange for any financial assistance for her. Because I love her dearly, we struggled along because she did not really have anywhere else she could go to live. Then, she stole from me, again, so I had to ask her to leave. Finances are just too tight with caring for an extra teenager without any help from the state, to have money stolen.

Today's guest blogger is Patricia Dischler, the author of "Because I Loved You: A Birthmother's View of Open Adoption", a speaker, child care professional and birthmother. Read more from Patricia here.

Continued from here.

It's up to counselors to provide the "why." Give the birthmother the reason why prolonging her decision does nothing to make it easier. Especially for her. The longer a birthmother stays in "decision making" mode, the more pain she is inflicting on herself. It's one of the toughest places to be. Once a decision is made, she can breathe, she can begin to follow through on a plan and gain a sense of direction again. For adoptive parents, prolonged decisions hurt their sense of hope, sometimes discouraging them altogether from being a part of the adoption process. Then, if the decision is prolonged even after the birth of the child, the child is the one who suffers.

Infants need stability and security.

Today's guest blogger is Patricia Dischler, the author of "Because I Loved You: A Birthmother's View of Open Adoption", a speaker, child care professional and birthmother. Read more from Patricia here.

Continued from here.

I was fortunate enough not to be pushed into a decision for adoption, but I have talked with birthmother's who have felt this way and I see the difference in how they were treated. I also see birthmother's who may feel they are being pushed right now, that I know someday will understand it better and see it for the help it truly is.

The reason I saw my Dad's actions as pushing and not help was because he never explained to my WHY he was pushing me, he just did it. I believe that was a mistake on his part. Not that I think I would have been okay with the pushing or thought he was right and somehow stopped being mad at him for it - because at the time my emotions were ruling my thoughts, not my brain. But, at least I would have understood that he was not kicking me out of the house because he was mean or didn't think I could make my own decisions. I would have at least understood that he was doing it because he loved me and he was trying to help me.

It seems like I do a lot of repeating the mantra "Take time to understand the why."

Filing against an Extension of Placement

When children are removed from their home and placed in foster care, they are legally allowed to remain in the system for approximately 12 months.  If the agency is not ready or willing to return the child home after the time limit has been reached, then it must file an Extension of Placement with the court, detailing why it is felt that the child should remain in care, rather than be placed back home with his or her biological parents.

If you believe that your children should not continue to be held in foster care, and can show proof to the courts that you are ready for your children to be returned home either on a trial, or final discharge from the system, then let the court know that you are opposing the Extension of Placement.  A hearing will be set for the agency to prove why your children should remain in care, as well as for you to prove that you are now a fit and able parent ready to handle your children on a full time basis. 

Examine and work your case plan!  Working through your case plan is the single most effective way to get your children back from foster care.  It is important to follow the plan closely, and to not just start the items but to complete each item in the plan.  A caseworker is not going to be impressed that you merely signed up for parenting classes; they will be impressed after you complete them. 

Keep in contact with your worker.  Don’t dodge phone calls, and don’t skip appointments!  Take any and every chance of contact, as a chance to show your worker how far you have come, and how well you are doing.  Ask your worker what else you could be doing to improve your home life and parenting skills to help bring your children home.  Your worker needs to see that you are committed to changing the bad habits that initially caused your family to be separated and that you are focused completely on your children and their well-being. 

Don’t be afraid to ask for help.  They may have removed your children, but your worker it not the enemy.  If you are having trouble completing part of your case plan, or making it to appointments, get in contact with your worker.  Do not whine and make excuses for yourself, which will only show your worker that you are still not ready to take responsibility for yourself and your children.  Instead let your worker know that you are having trouble and need assistance to solve the matter.  If you do not have transportation to get to appointments, your worker can help you find someone to take your, or even take you him or herself.  Admitting that you need help to complete your plan, without whining or placing blame, shows your worker that you understand what you can and cannot handle on your own, and that you know when to step back and seek assistance to complete a difficult task at hand.

Orphans of the Living: Stories of America's Children in Foster Care author: Jennifer Toth asin: 068484480X

Today's guest blogger is Patricia Dischler, the author of "Because I Loved You: A Birthmother's View of Open Adoption", a speaker, child care professional and birthmother. Read more from Patricia here.

One of the most difficult balancing acts of the counseling profession is in knowing just how far to push a client. Whether it be to push them towards a decision, an action, a realization, an acceptance; when a goal is ahead that you are hoping to help them reach how do you know how far to push and how far to let them travel on their own? When counseling women, and young girls, regarding their choice in an unplanned pregnancy, you hit many walls that are difficult to break through. Sometimes, help is needed to break through these walls and end up in a better place, but what separates "help" from "pushing?"

As someone who experienced both during her unplanned pregnancy, I can look back now and see which were helpful, and which were not.

Today's Guest Blog comes from the Myspace friend of Adoption Under One Roof, Scott Swanson, an adult adoptee who writes of his experiences throughout his search for the biological family he was eager to meet. If you are interested in knowing more about Scott after reading his story, please check out his Myspace page, THANKYOUMOTHER.

I searched for my biological/first mother and family for 13 years. I started out with yearbooks and high school alumni databases, searched California birth and marriage records. I talked to my mom a little bit about it, casually. At first it was just a casual look around. Then I found the hospital records from the day I was born. 9 boys, all with names except for one: "Baby Boy" Greene. That's me. That's when the light turned on.

Years went by... whenever I looked, it was like looking at the night sky and wishing that, maybe, one of those stars would turn out to be my first mother. Eventually the night faded and became regular, every day life. I wrote a song when I was in school, played it from time to time and wondered.

I feel like an idiot for waiting until 2005 to request my non-identifying information from L.A. County. In my defense, I stayed pretty busy playing in a band, working a day job with the state, and making a couple babies with my wife.

I finally did get my non-ID information in August of '05. I got an age at my birth, a physical description, some miscellaneous facts, and an interview with a social worker that was heartbreaking. The light came back on.

Reunion/Secrets asin: B000ROAMES

Birthmothersunite is a wonderful resource for mothers of children being raised by adoptive parents. The founder of the site a reunited birth mother herself, Lucy Franklin C.P.A.C, has dedicated more than 23 years of her own life to helping both birth mothers as well as adoptees during their life long journey of adoption.

The site is packed full of resources for both birth mothers, as well as those who are pregnant and considering adoption. If you are looking for support, you can find a birth parents support group that meets near you, you can check out the Birthmother’s Survival Kit, read through some adoption poetry, strike up a conversation in the chat room, or stop by Lucy’s Corner and learn the inside tips on what Lucy has learned about reunion.

Dear Adoption Maharishi,

If you are under 18 and you get pregnant, can your parents give your baby up for adoption even if you don’t want them to?

Possibly Pregnant :0(

Dear Possibly Pregnant,

Being pregnant is scary at any age, but it is absolutely terrifying to be pregnant as a teenager! While telling your parents about your possible pregnancy can seem like an impossible task, and may very well result in some unpleasantness as they try to absorb the idea of their baby having a baby; pregnancy is not something that you can handle all on your own. So albeit petrifying, it is absolutely imperative to tell your parents that you are pregnant, even if you are afraid of what their reaction might be; like deciding to place your baby for adoption even if adoption is against your wishes.

The Unplanned Pregnancy Book for Teens and College Students author: Dorrie Williams-Wheeler asin: 0974783234

When I decided to watch the new 90210, my only motivation was nostalgia. Who knew that this show would provide me with a seemingly endless supply of adoption topics to blog about?

As I have shared before, 90210 has a transracial adoption storyline, with Dixon (played by Tristan Wilds having been adopted into a Caucasian family. I also shared that 90210 introduced a storyline in which Dixon’s adoptive father, Harry Wilson (played by Rob Estes) found out that he was a birth father.

In this episode, Harry’s high school sweetheart, Tracy Clark (played by Christina Moore), who is the mother of his birth son, asked Harry if he would like to search for their now 22-year-old birth son.