birth parents

Should Non-Custodial Parents Have a Say in their Child’s Adoption?

Submitted by JulieC on Tue, 05/12/2009 - 23:32

Reading through all of the hubbub going on in the news at the moment about Madonna and her attempt at a second adoption from Malawi, one part of the case caught my attention.  The father of little Mercy James, the young Malawian girl Madonna is still hoping to adopt has said that he does not want the pop star to adopt his child, he wishes her to remain in her birth country and that:

I want to take care of her, and I'm capable to take care of my baby...

-source

 
I found this quote interesting since he admits that he has never seen his daughter face to face, along with the fact that she has apparently lived in an orphanage since her birth.  How is it that he is capable of taking care of his child, if he has yet to meet her in the first four years of her life?

I can understand him not wanting his daughter to be taken out of the country, the thought of being so far away from my own children sends shivers down my spine, but if he has never met his child, and she resides full time in an orphanage and has done so since birth, should he really have a say in who can, and who cannot adopt her?

Pure Stupidity

Submitted by Amyadoptee on Wed, 11/12/2008 - 15:10

Seeing red (c) Lynda BernhardtI read this article yesterday.  I was so furious.  I am even amazed that I kept a cool tongue.  I managed to say my piece without using foul language.  I was thinking those words but I somehow managed not to use them.   I was like a bull seeing red.  The commentary in the article boggled my mind. 

First things first.  Bastard Nation and Unsealed Initiative are not anti-adoption.  They claim no opinion on the subject of adoption.  These organizations are about adoptees.  Adoption is supposed to be about the adoptee.  If you use this logic, then Bastard Nation and Unsealed Initiative is all about adoption. 

With that argument aside, this author also claims that single women cannot be mothers without a man.  I even threw in there this question.  What about the single mothers who adopt?  What about the first mothers who want contact? 

Doublespeak Regarding Necessity of Birth Parent Contact After Adoption

Submitted by FaithA on Mon, 06/23/2008 - 08:26

Statue (c) Lynda BernhardtHub and I adopted our child through an adoption agency that specialized in international adoption but also handled a small number of domestic adoptions. I was very interested in international adoption because the wait was shorter in some programs than through the domestic adoption program. Also, some of the international adoption programs provided a time estimate for how long the wait would be, and I was very much into scheduling my life.

However, hub only wanted to pursue a domestic adoption, which had no projected wait time. After you went through the adoption home study process, your profile went into a pile with other waiting parents, and you could be matched in days or in years. That was a very stressful concept for me.

One big issue I had with the domestic adoption program was that this agency pretty much “forced” post-placement contact through a semi-open adoption. When I dug in my heels, the social worker was clear that it would be a “very long wait” if I insisted upon a closed adoption. However, down the hall, all of the international adoptions were closed. What was up with that?

Foster Care: Problem With Waiting for Birth Parent to "Step Up"

Submitted by FaithA on Fri, 05/30/2008 - 08:45

One big issue I have with the foster care system is that, in most cases, the birth parents get numerous chances to "step up" and start parenting their children. The problem is that a child does not have the luxury of waiting around for the birth parent to "get it together." The child has needs now. Those needs do not just go away because a birth parent is too depressed/drunk/high [fill in the blank] to provide for those needs.

I am reading a fabulous book called A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini. While that book is not about adoption, there is a part of it that captures this dynamic nicely.

Proposed Bill: Birthparent Assistance Act of 2008

Submitted by FaithA on Tue, 04/08/2008 - 08:09

A bill has been introduced in the House of Representatives that would provide funding to pay for post-adoption counseling and other services for birth parents. H.R. 5640, which is called the Birthparent Assistance Act of 2008, would appropriate $30,000,000 during fiscal year 2009 to provide these services. The bill also calls for establishing a national hotline to provide counseling and other related services for birth parents.

The agency through which we adopted our son offers a similar service.

Talking Badly about Abusive Birth Parents

Submitted by FaithA on Mon, 03/31/2008 - 08:29

On my post, Talking Badly about Birth Parents in Front of Adopted Child, Snafu Suz and John are continuing a dialogue that we started a while ago. The focus of my post was on general assumptions that people make about birth parents, such as the misconception that any birth mother who places her baby for adoption must be young, single, and poor when this is not the situation for many birth parents.

Snafu Suz and John moved the conversation in the direction of talking badly about abusive birth parents, which, in my opinion, is a whole different ballgame.