Dear Adoption Maharishi,

After many years of mental torment and agony of dealing with the person I call my mother I decided to attempt to find my roots. Here's the problem in the area of the birth certificate that usually has the doctors name and signature etc. Is has my adopted mothers name. The document appears to be fraudulent but I am told it is not. The other thing that is strange is my adoption was finalized early 1985 but my amended birth certificate was issued just six weeks after I was born. The home study was not performed until after my adoptive parents were chosen to receive me. To really top things off my adoptive parents had only been married for 8 months when they received me. Because of Texas laws my parents were allowed to finalize the adoption in a different county, rather than the one of my birth and of residence. Every time I go to the courthouse my adoption was "finalized in" they cannot tell me anything. Not even if it was indeed the courthouse. I'm at a dead end and I feel as if I am being cheated out of my history. I also would love to know my medical background. The funny part is my adoptive parents know that my birth mother had to have a hysterectomy due to cervical cancer. If anybody has any advice on how to find my birth parents it would be much appreciated even my search agent I hired is pretty much stumped, if we can not get the courts to produce any information I'm screwed. Signed, jmontgomery0627

Dear jmontgomery0627,

We truly understand and sympathize with your grief. One of our partners has a husband in the same boat. He was born in 1964 so the same era. In Michigan, you can pay the court a fee to locate your birthparents. A person at the court locates the birthparents and discusses the possibility of a meeting. Ultimately, it is up to the birthparents. In our case, the birthmother refused to meet. Thus he experienced another humiliating let down. Michigan also has a registry where adoptees, and relatives who know about the child placed, can put their names on a list to be contacted if the other party also puts their name on the list. Unfortunately, I don’t think these lists are very well operated. I bring this up because, Texas may have similar possibilities. Please ask your courthouse if they offer an adoption liaison service, where they anonymously contact the birthparents to request information. They can pull your records to do this. Ironically, we also adopted an infant from Texas.

Dear Adoption Maharishi,

A friend told me about a book that states that all adoptees suffer from a “primal wound.” What is a “primal wound”? Do you believe this is true?

~ Concerned

Dear Concerned,

The “primal wound” that your friend is talking about comes from Nancy Verrier’s book entitled The Primal Wound. In this book, Nancy Verrier (herself an adoptive mother who struggled to understand her adopted daughter’s pain) asserts that all children placed for adoption suffer from a “primal wound” from being separated from their birth mothers. The theory of the primal wound asserts that all children (even newborn babies) suffer trauma by being separated from the birth mother and being raised by a “substitute mother.”

Dear Adoption Maharishi,

 

I came across your blog and you seem extremely knowledgeable about adoption, especially in MI. We are new to the journey, 4 bio kids and hoping to adopt many more over the years. I'd love to chat on a few issues you may have faced with the system and get some opinions/advice if you ever have some spare time. Thanks so much!

 

Signed,

shpakfamily

Dear Adoption Maharishi,

 

We are just getting started in the adoption process. I see many couples who are only looking for domestic infants already available for adoption. Why are there infants available for adoption domestically who are not already matched with an adoptive family? I thought there was a waiting list for domestic infants. Are available adoption situations better than matching with an expectant mother? How does a family looking to adopt find these available adoption situations anyway?

 

Signed,

Wanting to Adopt