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Dear Adoption Maharishi: Should I Mention Infertility in Dear Birth Mom Letter?

Submitted by Adoption_Maharishi on Wed, 03/10/2010 - 13:21
  • DAM
  • Dear Adoption Maharishi
  • dear birth mom letters
  • Home Study
  • Infant adoption
  • infertility

Dear Adoption Maharishi,

My husband and I have completed our home study to adopt an infant. The next step is to write a “Dear Birth Mom” letter. Should we mention infertility in the Dear Birth Mom letter?

~ Hoping to Adopt

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Dear Adoption Maharishi: Why Do Special Schools Ask About Adoption on the Application?

Submitted by Adoption_Maharishi on Wed, 02/17/2010 - 13:34
  • adoption and school
  • Adoptive family
  • DAM
  • Dear Adoption Maharishi
  • Learning Disabilities
  • Special needs
  • special schools for learning disabilities

Dear Adoption Maharishi,

My adopted child has learning disabilities, so my husband and I are looking into a private school that specializes in working with children with learning disabilities. I was surprised that the first page of the application asked if the child was adopted and, if so, whether he was aware of his adoption. Are learning disabilities really that common in adopted children? Why do you think the application asked this question?

~ Curious

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Dear Adoption Maharishi: How Can an Adoptee Get the Courts to Produce Birth Information?

Submitted by Adoption_Maharishi on Tue, 02/02/2010 - 16:01
  • Adoptee rights
  • Birthparent search
  • Closed adoption
  • DAM
  • Dear Adoption Maharishi
  • Opening Adoption Records
  • Resources
  • Search and reunion

 

 

Dear Adoption Maharishi,

After many years of mental torment and agony of dealing with the person I call my mother I decided to attempt to find my roots. Here's the problem in the area of the birth certificate that usually has the doctors name and signature etc. Is has my adopted mothers name. The document appears to be fraudulent but I am told it is not. The other thing that is strange is my adoption was finalized early 1985 but my amended birth certificate was issued just six weeks after I was born. The home study was not performed until after my adoptive parents were chosen to receive me. To really top things off my adoptive parents had only been married for 8 months when they received me. Because of Texas laws my parents were allowed to finalize the adoption in a different county, rather than the one of my birth and of residence. Every time I go to the courthouse my adoption was "finalized in" they cannot tell me anything. Not even if it was indeed the courthouse. I'm at a dead end and I feel as if I am being cheated out of my history. I also would love to know my medical background. The funny part is my adoptive parents know that my birth mother had to have a hysterectomy due to cervical cancer. If anybody has any advice on how to find my birth parents it would be much appreciated even my search agent I hired is pretty much stumped, if we can not get the courts to produce any information I'm screwed. Signed, jmontgomery0627

Dear jmontgomery0627,

We truly understand and sympathize with your grief. One of our partners has a husband in the same boat. He was born in 1964 so the same era. In Michigan, you can pay the court a fee to locate your birthparents. A person at the court locates the birthparents and discusses the possibility of a meeting. Ultimately, it is up to the birthparents. In our case, the birthmother refused to meet. Thus he experienced another humiliating let down. Michigan also has a registry where adoptees, and relatives who know about the child placed, can put their names on a list to be contacted if the other party also puts their name on the list. Unfortunately, I don’t think these lists are very well operated. I bring this up because, Texas may have similar possibilities. Please ask your courthouse if they offer an adoption liaison service, where they anonymously contact the birthparents to request information. They can pull your records to do this. Ironically, we also adopted an infant from Texas.

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Dear Adoption Maharishi: What Are Some Effective Strategies to Help School Age Encopresis?

Submitted by Adoption_Maharishi on Thu, 01/21/2010 - 01:24
  • Bowel Movement
  • Children's Issues
  • DAM
  • Dear Adoption Maharishi
  • Encopresis
  • Encopresis Resulting from Early Sexual Abuse
  • FAS
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  • Pooping Pants
  • Potty Training Issue vs. Behavior Problem
  • RAD
  • Resources
  • Soiled Undergarments
  • Soiling
  • Special needs
  • Stool
  • Traumatized children

 

 

Dear Adoption Maharishi,

 

We have a student who has encopresis and RAD. What are some effective strategies we can use to help this 10 year old boy reduce these incidents?

 

Signed,

Evansb

 

Dear Evansb,

Congratulations on your steadfast commitment to this 10-year-old child with severe emotional issues. Many caretakers are unable to deal with an older child struggling with encopresis over the long-term. Because of the odor, shock, disgust, and continuously replacing soiled clothing that either will not come clean or refuse to give up their odor. Some children with encopresis issues also paint feces on the wall, rub their poop into carpets, and refuse to clean themselves appropriately afterward soiling undergarments. These children may also place soiled garments into the laundry hamper without rinsing them or disposing of the bowel movement creating a bigger mess by soiling the entire load of laundry. Continuing this behavior problem, especially at school will result in lost, or non-existent friendships, name calling, low self-esteem, shame, guilt, and lost learning time.

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Dear Adoption Maharishi: Do You Believe that All Adoptees Suffer from a “Primal Wound”?

Submitted by Adoption_Maharishi on Wed, 01/06/2010 - 13:50
  • Abandonment Issues
  • Adoptees
  • DAM
  • Dear Adoption Maharishi
  • Nancy Verrier
  • primal wound

Dear Adoption Maharishi,

A friend told me about a book that states that all adoptees suffer from a “primal wound.” What is a “primal wound”? Do you believe this is true?

~ Concerned

Dear Concerned,

The “primal wound” that your friend is talking about comes from Nancy Verrier’s book entitled The Primal Wound. In this book, Nancy Verrier (herself an adoptive mother who struggled to understand her adopted daughter’s pain) asserts that all children placed for adoption suffer from a “primal wound” from being separated from their birth mothers. The theory of the primal wound asserts that all children (even newborn babies) suffer trauma by being separated from the birth mother and being raised by a “substitute mother.”

  • Adoption_Maharishi's blog
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Dear Adoption Maharishi: How Do You Prepare Yourself to Adopt a Child with a Mental Illness?

Submitted by Adoption_Maharishi on Wed, 12/09/2009 - 12:43
  • bipolar
  • DAM
  • Dear Adoption Maharishi
  • how to prepare to adopt child with mental illness
  • mental illness
  • mentally ill adoptee
  • Schizophrenia
  • Special needs

Dear Adoption Maharishi,

My spouse has fallen in love with a foster child who has a mental illness. While my spouse is eager to adopt this child, I have my reservations. Neither of us has ever lived with a mentally ill person, so I am not sure if we are the right parents for this kid. How do you prepare yourself to adopt a child with a mental illness?

~ Ill-prepared

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Dear Adoption Maharishi: We Are New to Foster Adoption in Michigan and Need Some Advice

Submitted by Adoption_Maharishi on Mon, 11/30/2009 - 00:31
  • DAM
  • Dear Adoption Maharishi
  • Foster adoption
  • Foster Adoption in Michigan
  • Foster care
  • How to Find Adoption Situations
  • Special needs
  • Traumatized children
  • Working the System

 

 

Dear Adoption Maharishi,

 

I came across your blog and you seem extremely knowledgeable about adoption, especially in MI. We are new to the journey, 4 bio kids and hoping to adopt many more over the years. I'd love to chat on a few issues you may have faced with the system and get some opinions/advice if you ever have some spare time. Thanks so much!

 

Signed,

shpakfamily

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Dear Adoption Maharishi: Do Adopted Children Have Different Needs Based Upon Country of Birth?

Submitted by Adoption_Maharishi on Wed, 11/11/2009 - 10:21
  • Adoptees
  • adoption agencies
  • Adoption basics
  • adoption orientation
  • Adoption Process
  • Adoptive family
  • DAM
  • Dear Adoption Maharishi
  • Infant adoption
  • Intercountry adoption
  • International adoption

Dear Adoption Maharishi,

My husband and I just attended an adoption orientation with another couple who is thinking about adopting a child. We were separated into two groups: domestic and intercountry. Our group (domestic) was told how important it is to maintain a connection with the birth mother. We were told that we could not have a closed adoption because staying connected with the birth mother is too important to the adopted child. However, our friends’ group (intercountry) was told that the adopted child would be just fine without any connection with the birth mother. All intercountry adoptions through this adoption agency are closed.

So, does an adopted child need to stay connected with the birth mother or not? I find it hard to believe that maintaining this connection is crucial in domestic adoption while, at the same time, completely unimportant in an intercountry adoption. You can’t have it both ways.

~ Skeptic

  • Adoption_Maharishi's blog
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Dear Adoption Maharishi: Why are there infants available for adoption domestically not already matched?

Submitted by Adoption_Maharishi on Thu, 11/05/2009 - 20:47
  • Available Adoption Situations
  • Crisis pregnancy
  • DAM
  • Dear Adoption Maharishi
  • How to Find Adoption Situations
  • Infant adoption
  • Matching With an Expectant Mother

 

 

Dear Adoption Maharishi,

 

We are just getting started in the adoption process. I see many couples who are only looking for domestic infants already available for adoption. Why are there infants available for adoption domestically who are not already matched with an adoptive family? I thought there was a waiting list for domestic infants. Are available adoption situations better than matching with an expectant mother? How does a family looking to adopt find these available adoption situations anyway?

 

Signed,

Wanting to Adopt

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Dear Adoption Maharishi: Who Gets the Money for An Adoption?

Submitted by Adoption_Maharishi on Wed, 10/14/2009 - 12:36
  • Adoption basics
  • Adoption Process
  • DAM
  • Who gets the money for an adoption?

Dear Adoption Maharishi,

My wife and I are infertile and have just started looking into adoption. We attended an adoption orientation, where we learned that an adoption through this particular adoption agency costs around $15,000. Where is this money going? Who gets the money for an adoption?

~ Sticker Shock

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