Dee Thompson adopted her daughter from Russia in 2004 when Dee was 41 and Alesia was 13. In 2007 she adopted 10 year old Michael from Kazakhstan. Dee is a paralegal and writer and lives in Atlanta. In 2007 she published a children's book called “Jack's New Family,” to help her son adjust to life in an adoptive family. She writes about her journey as a parent on her blog, The Crab Chronicles as well as movie reviews on Scribblerchick's Movie Dish.

Dee has blogged for us in the past and you can read her excellent previous blogs here.

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What I have learned is that you can take the child out of the orphanage, but it’s really difficult to take the orphanage out of the child. I have had to deal with my daughter hoarding food, stealing, lying, sneaking, and cheating. It was so horrifying to me when she had been home just a few months and I saw the sneaky behavior – she was pouring shampoo down the drain and only pretending to shower because she didn’t like to shower. I would catch her in lies large and small and she wouldn’t admit to them. She still hoards food, always keeping bags of candy in her room, despite my requests not to do that. In her world, at any moment, everything can be taken away. Trying to punish her by taking things away doesn’t work. She doesn’t mind living without computer or TV privileges. She has stopped most of the really awful orphanage behaviors like stealing and lying, but she still shows a few orphanage behaviors.

My daughter was an adapter and a survivor, in her orphanage. My daughter talks loudly, all the time. She had to do that to get anyone’s attention in the orphanage. She can’t seem to stop, though. If anyone says she can’t have something, she immediately becomes very angry. She challenges authority and argues about everything. She bullies her little brother on occasion. These are all orphanage behaviors.

Dee Thompson adopted her daughter from Russia in 2004 when Dee was 41 and Alesia was 13. In 2007 she adopted 10 year old Michael from Kazakhstan. Dee is a paralegal and writer and lives in Atlanta. In 2007 she published a children's book called Jack's New Family, to help her son adjust to life in an adoptive family. She writes about her journey as a parent on her blog, The Crab Chronicles

Part II: Continued from here.

What I learned eventually was that a lot of kids who are poorly parented as babies or toddlers become Sneaky Kids. If a baby doesn’t get enough milk or a diaper change, she will do what she has to do, to get what she needs. She will hide from the drunk or impaired mom to avoid getting hit or yelled at. She will pick up food from the street and eat it. If there’s no toy available, she will steal it from another child if possible. Sneaky Kids are survivors who have adapted to a very precarious and neglectful environment. Just because they are taken out of that, it doesn’t mean they automatically change. Learning to trust a caretaking adult is difficult for Sneaky Kids.

Part of the Federici evaluation included testing for auditory processing. I learned Alesia has a Central Auditory Processing Disorder, and what that means – basically, her brain has trouble understanding anything verbal. She also had trouble visualizing as she read. My journey to get her the necessary help began. I bought books, looked into computer programs, and finally decided on a personalized tutoring program called Lindamood Bell, which is highly respected [http://www.lindamoodbell.com/].

Our guestblogger today is Dee Thompson, a paralegal and writer who lives in Atlanta. She adopted her daughter Alesia from Russia in 2004, at age 13. She had met Alesia when her choir sang at the orphanage in 2003. She adopted her son Michael from Kazakhstan in April 2007, when he was 10. [Dee wrote a book called Jack's New Family, to help Michael make the transition to an American family. It's in Russian and English. Available on Amazon.]. Michael was beaten by a gang of boys at age 5 and left to die. He lost his right hand due to frostbite. Both children are now healthy and happy. Dee writes a blog called “The Crab Chronicles,” to give the world a picture of her family and encourage people, by example, to adopt older kids.

Part II

Yesterday’s anecdote illustrated the history of many children placed in orphanages in Russia and Eastern Europe. It’s a compilation of many stories I have heard about different children. Lack of care, insecurity, exposure to adults who are drunk or stoned – these are common to all neglected children.

Older children, even those who were placed in the orphanage as a baby, live on survival mode. They live in constant fight or flight stress mode. It’s exhausting, mentally and physically.

Once an older child is adopted and comes home, parents often think, “They should be so happy and grateful to be here! This child can finally relax, and be loved. I took them out of poverty and now they have a real chance at a good life!”

Their newly adopted child has no idea of those expectations. All the child knows is that everything is unfamiliar. They are scared. The new parents usually don’t know their language, so they can’t even say how scared they are, or what’s scary. Their thoughts are more along the lines of: Who are these people? Why did they adopt me? Can I trust “Mom” and “Dad”? When are they going to leave me? When are they going to get drunk? Nobody really wants older kids they want babies – so what’s going on here?! I need to get as much as I can, so when they leave me I will be OK!

Our guestblogger today is Dee Thompson, a paralegal and writer who lives in Atlanta. She adopted her daughter Alesia from Russia in 2004, at age 13 She had met Alesia when her choir sang at the orphanage in 2003. She adopted her son Michael from Kazakhstan in April 2007, when he was 10. [Dee wrote a book called Jack's New Family, to help Michael make the transition to an American family. It's in Russian and English. Available on Amazon.]. Michael was beaten by a gang of boys at age 5 and left to die. He lost his right hand due to frostbite. Both children are now healthy and happy. Dee writes a blog called “The Crab Chronicles,” to give the world a picture of her family and encourage people, by example, to adopt older kids.

The 2008 Amputee Coalition of America conference was held this year June 18-21, 2009 at the Renaissance Waverly Hotel in Atlanta, GA. There were many attendees. I was not able to attend the entire convention, however I attended the session on Sunday afternoon for people interested in adopting a child with a limb difference. There were as many parents there as prospective parents. It was a good discussion, though.

I was a little late but the discussion was informal. The folks considering adoption were all people with limb differences. I took my son Michael and spoke about his adoption and adjustment to life in America. I tried to answer some questions, too.