Following up on Faith and Julia’s recent blogs on race and adoption, I’d like to put in my two quetzals. Like Julia I am an adoptive parent in a transracial adoption. For me it was a “no brainer” to adopt a child of a different race. Racism towards people who are different than me has never been a part of who I am. I was raised in a home with zero tolerance for racism, ethnic jokes and racist remarks.

But the fact that transracial adoption is a no brainer for me does not make it a no brainer for my daughter. Let’s start with a simple fact that young children notice from a very young age: my daughter will never look in the mirror and say that her skin or hair or eyes are the same as mine.. She will never be able to physically identify with me. We are on the opposite ends of the physical spectrum.

As my daughter gets older these differences will be pointed out to her by her friends, classmates and from what we have already experienced in the 3 ½ years since Ella came home to us insensitive and downright ignorant strangers. I will never be able to truly understand her pain, discomfort and g_d forbid fear from discrimination because we are not physically the same. I do not have her beautiful brown skin, black hair and dark brown eyes. I am blonde, fair skinned and blue eyed. Even though I will be infuriated, frustrated and wanting to punish anyone who hurts my daughter, I will not feel the discrimination at the gut level like she does. She will know this as well, and perhaps hold that against me. Time will tell.