An embarrassing part of healing from trauma can involve the involuntary loss of control of bodily functions. This generally happens during a flashback or, in the case of a child with dissociative identity disorder (DID), when a particular alter part is triggered.

For example, let’s say the abused child was tortured to the point that he eventually vomited. When he experiences a flashback of that particular event, his body might react the same way that it did when he first experienced the abuse. So, as he recovers the memory through a flashback, he might get a very strong urge to vomit.

The same thing can happen with bladder or bowel control. If the abused child was terrorized to the point of wetting her pants, then a flashback of that event can cause her to wet her pants again. This is true even into adulthood. If a seventy-year-old child abuse survivor was only 8 when abused, then she is going to revert back to feeling like she is 8 when experiencing the flashback.

I am a big fan of the television show Samantha Who?, which stars Christina Applegate as a “bad girl” who got hit by a car, lost her memory, and is now a “good girl” trying to figure out who she is. In each episode, the amnesiac Samantha experiences a flashback in which she remembers being an incredibly self-centered and mean person. The Samantha today is starry-eyed and sweet. Trying to merge together who Samantha was with who Samantha is today is at the core of the show.

What does this have to do with adoption? If you are parenting an abused child, it has everything to do with it. While Samantha Who? is a comedy and not looking to “go deep,” it provides a wonderful representation of what it is like to deal with flashbacks.

In my last post, Being Truthful With Your Adopted Child About His History, I talked about the importance of being truthful with your adopted child about his history. Those of you who are parenting traumatized children might wonder how much information you should disclose to the traumatized adopted child about the past abuses he suffered, particularly if the child was young when the trauma happened. My answer is that you need to be completely honest with the child in an age-appropriate manner.

Many people mistakenly believe that traumatized children do not remember traumas that they endured when they were very young. I speak from experience – those memories are still held in the traumatized child’s brain. I have recovered memories from as young as 18 months old. They were vivid memories because that is how flashbacks come. I could tell you the details about where I was (my bedroom) and who was harming me (my mother). I could even describe my mother’s hairstyle when the abuse happened as well as the color of the drapes on the windows, even though this first incident happened when I was only a toddler.