foster child

Should US Foster Children be Fostered in Other Countries?

Submitted by JulieC on Thu, 04/23/2009 - 23:58

 Five years ago, little Adrianna was beaten to death after being placed in Mexican foster care by the Oregon Department of Human Services. The move was made to ensure that Adrianna stayed with biological family members,rather than be adopted by non-family in the U.S.

-source

This article caught my eye with all the talk that has been going on here about children

being placed out of state and the lack of communication that is involved with the process.  If you click the link to read the article, you will discover among other things, that the biological mother of the child warned social workers that the family members in Mexico were abusive, however seeing as how she was hooked on meth at the time, social workers apparently didn’t take her as a credible source and shipped the little girl out of the country in order to keep her in her biological family.

The goal of social services is always reunification, they desire to keep biological families together; but is that goal truly a beneficial one when the biological family members are just as much of a stranger to the child as any other potential adoptive family would be? 

This little girl grew up in Oregon.  She did not have extended contact with the people that she went to live with, and her mother voiced her preference for Adrianna to be placed with a US family instead of her husband’s family in Mexico—where Oregon officials had no way to supervise or check on her.  Mexican authorities were notified of the abuse, yet nothing ever came of it and within months five year old Adrianna was dead.

Are You Emotionally Healthy Enough to Parent an Older Adopted Child?

Submitted by JulieC on Tue, 09/02/2008 - 22:04

It seems that those who survived less than ideal childhoods go on to make some pretty amazing parents, and some especially spectacular adoptive parents. This is due to their ability to not only sympathize with their adopted child, but to empathize with their adopted child, and understand their pain of abuse and/or neglect on a very personal level. It is only those parents whom have taken the time to dig up, let loose, examine, and heal their own past wounds who will be able to handle parenting an older adopted child.

Adults, that have not taken the time to heal whatever remaining emotional scars they still carry with them from childhood, can and often do appear to be stable, happy, and well functioning people… for the most part. However, without facing, coming to terms with, accepting, and releasing their own long pent up emotional pain, it is only a matter of time before an older adopted child finds a trigger or two and unleashes the emotional floodgates of their adoptive parent(s.)

Traumatized children are expert button pushers, and even the most skilled adult at hiding past pains, will very quickly find themselves overreacting to situations that the child has created. As the child will almost instantly pick up on the adults hot buttons and what makes them tick, and they will then proceed to push every one of them continuously.

A parent who has healed the past trauma and negative energies, will be able to see through the child’s behaviors. Recognize what he or she is doing, and steer right around it, or at the very least know not to get caught up in it 

A parent who is not yet emotionally healed and healthy however, will easily be sucked into the child’s games. Then play them for quite some time before ever realizing exactly what it is they are engaged in.

Foster Care: Problem With Waiting for Birth Parent to "Step Up"

Submitted by FaithA on Fri, 05/30/2008 - 08:45

One big issue I have with the foster care system is that, in most cases, the birth parents get numerous chances to "step up" and start parenting their children. The problem is that a child does not have the luxury of waiting around for the birth parent to "get it together." The child has needs now. Those needs do not just go away because a birth parent is too depressed/drunk/high [fill in the blank] to provide for those needs.

I am reading a fabulous book called A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini. While that book is not about adoption, there is a part of it that captures this dynamic nicely.

Video: Child's View Of Foster Care

Submitted by JulieC on Mon, 05/12/2008 - 13:31

Grab a box of tissues and go sit where someone isn't going to see you cry! The YouTube videos below are a four part series (totaling to about 20 minutes) on what foster care is like from a child's point of view.

 

Fears Before Adoption: Will I Get Fixable Child?

Submitted by JulieC on Mon, 04/21/2008 - 12:06
As many readers may know by now, my family is currently in the process of becoming a foster to adopt family.  We are looking forward to both fostering children in our home, as well as possibly adopting if the right child happens to come along.  However, John’s Guest Blog this morning has highlighted one of my greatest fears about growing our family in this manner; will I get a fixable child?