Tina Tyra has been a facilitator since 1991, with a background in the medical and legal fields before that. While working in Labor and Delivery for 5 years, she was trained as a neo-natal bereavement counselor. Having had her own pregnancy losses - including a late term fetal demise - she felt compelled to help families cope with the aftermath of losing a baby. She now believes that this was no accident. This experience has helped her to understand the aching empty arms of a birth mother and the grief of a family who has suffered the loss of a child through miscarriage, stillbirth, or potential child due to infertility. Dr. Suess said it best..."A person is a person -- no matter how small". A woman who gives birth, whether in her heart or with her body, is no less a mother.

First, if you are working with a facilitator, they should be registered and bonded.

1. A good facilitator would not match you with a birth mom who is in a state that doesn't allow facilitators and shouldn't be working there anyway. When working with a facilitator, you have your own attorney as well, so you should be able to clarify fairly easily if you are able to work with a particular birth mom situation.

2. There are a few facilitators who do business as a "third party" broker, which is questionable as far as I am concerned. A reliable, legitimate facilitator should not just be passing on high-priced situations from agencies. That defeats the purpose. A facilitator should work with you to find you a good situation in a compatible state and should advertise accordingly. I don't pass on third party situations and I can't imagine anyone paying 30-40-50K for any situation.

Another honest, real life, older child adoption guest blog from John. He is a retired commercial airline pilot who has adopted five boys, over three decades, from domestic foster care as a single parent. John and his family live in southern California.

Tyler had done what he had always been so good at, forcing a move, sixteen placements in five years of foster care. Now, after almost a year of adoption, attachment was happening, he had just forced another move. This time he was in a different state, many miles from home, about to start living in a therapeutic group home. The adoption was final, but Tyler was victorious, the move had happened, Dad was gone, or maybe Tyler was.

I have a Cessna 180 and flew up to his area the day after he arrived, It was beautiful flying weather. The director of the school met me at the airport and drove me to the school with all of Tyler’s belongings from the airplane. Not a large facility, a total of 20 boys, but very much out in the sticks. .

Shelia Davis and her wonderful husband are the adoptive parents of three children through domestic private infant adoption. Their youngest child was diagnosed with autism when he began missing milestones. They have had to learn many new parenting techniques to help their son. Shelia is the founder of Heaven Sent Adoption Services, Inc. She strives to help women with unplanned pregnancies make informed decisions about parenting or placing their babies. She encourages all of her potential adoptive parents to research and engage in open loving adoptions. She notes that, “Adoption is very personal to me as I am the sister of two brothers through adoption, the mother of three children through adoption, a friend to three birth parents through adoption, a child of God through adoption and a director of a licensed adoption agency.”

In response to a heated discussion that included this question: "Is a referral service basically a consultant, sort of like a wedding planner? My understanding is that facilitators are illegal in some states, like Florida. "

Shelia writes the following: First off - it is just a "title" as to what they call themselves and I don't think the words matter at all....it's the way they work, their ethics, the money they charge and who oversees their practice's that are more important.

There are both good and bad Facilitators and Referral Services -

1. They are both small businesses having ONLY a business licenses and not overseen by the courts or the government like a child placing agency or attorney is.

2. They can charge whatever they like because they are not accountable to a court system for their revenues like an agency or attorney is.

3. They are not required to have trained social workers or counselors to provide services to you or the Expectant mothers.

Another honest, real life, older child adoption guest blog from John. He is a retired commercial airline pilot who has adopted five boys, over three decades, from domestic foster care as a single parent. John and his family live in southern California.

Tyler, age 12, had been home seven months. It was great, and we finalized our adoption. This was the honeymoon though, and Tyler has Reactive Attachment Disorder. He was beginning to attach, and for a kid with RAD, there is nothing more scary. All parents quit, it is just a matter of when. (According to RAD) Kids like him get sent back, always. He knew that first hand, after 16 placements in 5 years of foster care.

Kill the placement before it hurts even more, do it quick, and do anything it takes, but force the move. Problem, I don’t like to quit, in fact, I hate quitting. First, it was the beginning of summer break, and Tyler began hanging out with only older kids, two years older, and not the good ones. He also kept going over to a girl’s house, she is 14 and a HS sophomore, what on earth would she have in common with a 7th grade 12 year old?