Another honest, real life, older child adoption guest blog from John. He is a retired commercial airline pilot who has adopted five boys, over three decades, from domestic foster care as a single parent. John and his family live in southern California.

Tyler’s behavior was deteriorating by the day. Physical, out of control emotionally, disconnected. I told Tyler about the plan for him to go to a therapeutic board and care, wow, not OK. In the Psychiatrist’s office, I told him that we would be going to the school on the following Thursday. Eruption, “I will not go and you can’t make me”. Very loud, I realized that my plan to take him to the school (850 miles away) was not going to work. The director of the school suggested having him escorted. These firms do just that, take kids from home to the facility that they need to get to, safely. I talked to the head of the firm, he was very professional, very knowledgeable, very understanding, and with extensive experience working at RTCs. Not cheap, $4,000, out of my pocket. No choice really, and we set it up for the following Monday.

Another painfully honest guest blog from John, who tells it like it is when it comes to adopting older children from the foster care system. John is a retired commercial airline pilot who has adopted five boys from domestic foster care as a single parent. John and his family live in southern California.

‘Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall, and all the King’s horses and all the King’s men couldn’t put Humpty back together again.’ Is a sad story about hopelessness and the need to quit. My story has sadness and pain, but it is not about hopelessness and giving up. This story is about my son Tyler, he is 12 years old, indeed, he had a great fall.

Tyler came home in adoption one year ago, after five years of foster care. On October 15, I placed him in a group home. It is hard to describe the pain of realizing that you are going to have to place your child in a facility. This is your child, someone else will be raising him now, and for a long time you will be a very small part of your child’s day-to-day life. Failure? Yes, it feels that way. Surely, there must have been something I could have done differently? Yes, the first time you have to place a child that feeling is very strong, two of my older sons had to have placements in a residential treatment. I knew that I had tried everything with Tyler that I was capable of doing. The pain is difficult to describe, it is so bad that it is difficult to breath, very much like the feeling of someone dying that you are very close to.

Raquel is an adult adoptee, raised by an abusive family, now raising a family of her own, and searching for her biological roots. She has not located her first family yet however she continues to search; in fact, she is hoping to be on “The Locator.” Born 10/10/68, in Community Hospital of San Gabriel @ 7:37pm. She expresses some of her feelings through poetry that she has published.

Late at night, there is no light,

And, I am without the comfort of my sight….

Once again that wrenching fright,

Closing in with all its might….

Wishing for someone to hold me tight,

To offer some comfort, however slight…

This is when my mind will sweep,

through my past not so sweet.

Each cold vision slowly creeps

from within my soul which it keeps,

those awful memories buried deep. .

Linny and her husband have adopted several times: Internationally, through the foster/adopt system, and transracially through domestic adoption. Five of these adoptions were infants; three were "older child" adoptions. They have known the joys and disappointments of adoption having placed one child into residential care, dissolving the adoption of another child, and having one child re-adopted. Linny and her husband have adopted one more time.......bringing a total of four at home....ages 8yrs to 1yr. Dissolution of an adoption…Linny …copyright 2010

Before anyone dares to think that a family who disrupts an adoption does it easily and without heart, or that a homestudy should have 'caught this family before letting them adopt', let me assure you, there's much more to all of this than you'd realize.

Our family is one that has 'disrupted' two adoptions. If you really wanted to get technical, we've actually disrupted three...and while it sometimes makes me sick to think about it, as John has written, it was because our family had done everything humanly possible and nothing worked. Our disruptions were due to dangerous behaviors...not the least was RAD (Reactive attachment disorder)...and again, as John has stated, unless you've been there, you can't have a clue. Further, these children were all adopted as older children....one--had a LOT of information the state had deliberately withheld from us (had we only known); and the other became a sexual predator.