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infertility grief

How to Grieve Infertility

Submitted by FaithA on Wed, 04/08/2009 - 08:00
  • adoption after infertility
  • Adoption basics
  • does adoption cure infertility
  • how to grieve infertility
  • infertility grief
  • infertility pain after adoption

Looking over ocean (c) Lynda BernhardtA reader found Adoption Under One Roof by searching for the answer to “how to grieve infertility.” I ran that search myself on our site and was surprised to see that I had not written about this topic very often here. I used to write a blog on infertility, and I covered this topic frequently over there. I guess it is time to catch up here!

Many (but certainly not all) couples come to adoption after infertility. Hub and I were one of those couples. We really did not care how we became parents: we just wanted a child to love. I truly believed that adopting my child would “cure” my infertility grief. That turned out not to be the case, and I was quite taken aback by this.

I came to realize that adoption does not “cure” infertility. I am still just as infertile today as I was when I first started trying to conceive a child. Adopting a child did not change this fact about me. So, even with a beloved adopted child in my arms, I still needed to grieve my infertility.

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Getting Blindsided by Adoption-Related Questions

Submitted by FaithA on Sat, 05/24/2008 - 13:47
  • adoptive families
  • answering questions about adoption
  • infertility grief
  • privacy in adoption
  • Talking about adoption

Chalkboard (c) Lynda BernhardtI am sometimes taken aback by innocent questions that people ask because of my son’s adoption. I have prepared answers for many questions, such as why my son’s birth mother chose to place him for adoption. (She wanted him to have the life that he now has and was not in a position to provide that for him.) However, sometimes I will be blindsided by completely innocent questions and have to come up with an answer quickly.

While I am a good writer, I am not quick on my feet. The beauty of writing is that I have the opportunity to write a draft, edit it, and then make a final decision about what other people will read. I do not have that luxury when I am fielding questions.

This week, I had a one-two punch.

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