infertility pain after adoption

How to Grieve Infertility

Submitted by FaithA on Wed, 04/08/2009 - 08:00

Looking over ocean (c) Lynda BernhardtA reader found Adoption Under One Roof by searching for the answer to “how to grieve infertility.” I ran that search myself on our site and was surprised to see that I had not written about this topic very often here. I used to write a blog on infertility, and I covered this topic frequently over there. I guess it is time to catch up here!

Many (but certainly not all) couples come to adoption after infertility. Hub and I were one of those couples. We really did not care how we became parents: we just wanted a child to love. I truly believed that adopting my child would “cure” my infertility grief. That turned out not to be the case, and I was quite taken aback by this.

I came to realize that adoption does not “cure” infertility. I am still just as infertile today as I was when I first started trying to conceive a child. Adopting a child did not change this fact about me. So, even with a beloved adopted child in my arms, I still needed to grieve my infertility.

Infertility Pain after Adoption

Submitted by FaithA on Fri, 04/11/2008 - 08:34

I was surprised to learn that adoption did not take away my infertility pain. I thought that the cause of my infertility pain was the inability to have a baby. So, once I adopted a baby, I assumed that I would no longer have any infertility pain. I was wrong.

My first clue that my infertility pain remained was my reaction to finding out that friends were pregnant with their second children. Without exception, I cried after hearing the news of one friend after another announcing her pregnancy. I held myself together in front of my friends because I had lots of experience in doing that during my 4-1/2 years of desperately wanting to become a parent. I had no idea why I was reacting that way when I held my child in my arms.