Cambodia

When adopted kids grow up … doing it right

Submitted by SandraHanksBenoiton on Mon, 08/02/2010 - 10:46

People outside the adoption community are often surprised to learn that there is no little contention on the issue, that there is a contingent of adult adoptees who are dead set against building families through adoption, that some consider international adoption as “cultural genocide” robbing children of their birth heritage. Those purporting such have their points, and I’m not here … today … to argue claims of wrongness about adoption; I’ve done that before … many times.

Nope. Today is not about what can go wrong in adoption … and, as it is in any case where mere humans are involved, shit does happen … but rather on what is so very, very right.

As long-time readers know, my dear friend Gay has been heading off to Cambodia to build houses ever since we brought Sam home. She does this through the organization Tabitha, a non-profit that does so much for so many … I encourage all to learn more and participate … or, at least, shop their store.

Tabitha was started by a Canadian, Janne Ritkes, personal heroine to anyone familiar with her work and her spirit, in 1994, and she’s been on the ground in Cambodia running the show ever since.

Dear Adoption Maharishi: What Is The Status of International Adoption?

Submitted by Adoption_Maharishi on Wed, 12/10/2008 - 10:15

Dear Adoption Maharishi: What's the lowdown on International Adoption these days? There doesn't seem to be as much media attention as there was a couple of years ago, and I'm wondering if this indicates any sort of shift in the wind. -- Curious"

Dear Curious,

You have obviously been paying attention.

Perhaps the dimming of media glare can be attributed to Angelina Jolie's announcement last year that she would be taking a year off to spend with her kids, but I doubt it.

My Happy Kid

Submitted by SandraHanksBenoiton on Tue, 12/09/2008 - 02:06

Magnar left about 9:30 last night, and Calina and I managed to pack up the computers at 10ish ... very early for us these days ... and in my usual check of the kids -- Magnar had put them both to bed and they were fine at the time -- found puke all over Sam's bed, Cj's pajama top on the floor, also vomit-covered, and her asleep on her bed.

Seems she'd tossed her cookies, then stoically tidied and moved.

What is it with this kid?

Moving On

Submitted by SandraHanksBenoiton on Mon, 11/24/2008 - 20:48

Photo: Magnar teaches Sam and Cj to groom a horseMagnar teaches Sam and Cj to groom a horse

After 10 days with their dad, Sam and Cj are now home again, and home is once again a calm environment, albeit punctuated with girly giggles and the occasional squabble.

This reality, the one that has them having another place that's home-like with the man who is their father, along with some woman I've never laid eyes on ... and a baby on the way ... is one that I never saw coming back when Mark and I were going through the adoption processes for them.

I'm not going to whine on here about ends of eras or dashed dreams or bumpy roads. In fact, I'm not going to whine at all.

Minor Drips From a Dry Well

Submitted by SandraHanksBenoiton on Wed, 05/21/2008 - 09:46

water dropI've been trying to write blogs ... honestly, I have ... but not only am I shaky and unfocused these days as I try to come to terms with a life I didn't in a million years expect to have to face, I am about as self-possessed as any person consumed with grief. It's not a sharing sort of space, grief, but one where every throught ends up leading straight back to the personal misery that doesn't even allow for the outrage and compassion I know I would normally be stirred toward, given the state of the world today.

Yes, Sam and Cj are better off than they would have been left in a Cambodian orphanage and facing having to make their own way in the world at the age of eight, if, that is, they beat the odds and managed to hang on to life until the age of five which many there do not. This, however, was not the plan.

Adoption News: Editorials Against N.J., Minnesota Open Records Bills

Submitted by VirginiaC on Sat, 03/08/2008 - 21:29

NewspaperThe largest circulation newspaper in New Jersey is calling on state legislators to reject a bill to open sealed adoption records. The Star Ledger takes issue with most of the arguments that the bill's backers have used to advance it, from adoptee rights to the need for medical histories. "Changing the law retroactively," it concludes, "is just plain wrong". The bill (S611) passed the New Jersey Senate earlier this week and now goes to the state's Assembly. The Minneapolis Star Tribune has written an editorial against a similar bill pending in Minnesota.

New Jersey's attorney general

International Adoption and that dead horse

Submitted by SandraHanksBenoiton on Mon, 02/25/2008 - 03:43

I could write daily on the absurdity of the progressive moves toward making international adoption more difficult as orphan numbers the world over soar, but even I get tired of beating that poor decomposing relic of a horse.

Sometimes, however, a news report prompts another flagellation session, as this one from Uganda does today.

Titled "Stolen childhood", the piece opens with details of the life of a 15-year-old orphan who has been left to raise her six siblings, the youngest of which is four.

Guest blog: "Origins and Emphasis" by Adoption Ally

Submitted by GuestBlogger on Sat, 02/16/2008 - 04:03

Adoption Ally is the mother of three - one home-grown, two hand-picked. She lives in Maine with her husband, Maya who's 9, two dogs and assorted cats.

There is much talk out in the international adoption community about the importance of valuing our children’s heritage. I am not at all convinced that emphasizing the child’s country of origin is necessarily beneficial.

Both of my children have always known they were adopted,

Cambodian News for Valentine's Week

Submitted by SandraHanksBenoiton on Fri, 02/15/2008 - 08:08

"There was a widespread and tacit understanding. I and everyone else who worked in that place knew that anyone who entered had to be psychologically demolished, eliminated by steady work, given no way out. No answer could avoid death.

Orphanages and illnesses

Submitted by SandraHanksBenoiton on Thu, 02/14/2008 - 09:32

Along with all the other thoughts we have related to the fact that our kids started out somewhere else with other parents, many adoptive parents have occasional cause to wonder about the possible fate the lovely humans that are now our children may have had had circumstances, timing and fate fallen differently.

Orphanages, Cambodian and otherwise, are not normally equipped in any way to provide anything over and above reasonable amounts of food, clothing and shelter, if that, and with dozens, if not hundreds, of kids to care for, sparse resources do not get focused on one child over others, even if that one child needs more.

Although Mark and I don't dwell on might-have-beens ... in our family those are huge walls needing either x-ray vision or power pogo sticks to allow even a glimpse of other paths we may have taken if not for the graces or fates ... but the occasional wander of wonder does happen when provoked.