Our Guest Blog Barb Parker traveled 2 times to Russia to adopt from an orphanage in 1995 and 1997. The Agency promised that they knew how to rule out FASD's, but instead they have two with full FAS Diagnosis and one with probable ARND (Alcohol-Related Neuro Defect, also on the Fetal Alcohol spectrum. Early pediatricians also did not know what they were looking at, and at two sent them for testing of various disorders but never called out FAS. Their boys were 14 months and 3 years when adopted from Russia. Now they are 15 and 17 but the oldest in residential treatment. Their daughter was adopted at 8 months from Russia and is now 12 years old.

God's plan had me trained as a teacher of Cognitively Impaired, group home worker, residential school vocational teacher and a Parent Trainer for difficult foster care placements. All this occurred before our 12th anniversary, when we began our family through adoption. I have used every bit of my preparation with my own family. Unfortunately, our foreign adoption experience didn't include full disclosure and 2 years post adoption, we learned our oldest had been horribly traumatized before he spent a year in orphanage. We exhausted our resources and eventually the available community resources as well. He has been in state care and residential for about 7 months. It is still a full time job advocating for him from across the state, plus raising our other 2 and sitting on the MCFARES (Macomb County Fetal Alcohol Resources, Education and Support) Coalition. Our online and local counties parent support group help us care for ourselves so we can continue this 24/7 intensive parenting task of raising 3 children with FASD's.

There is no doubt that I am, in the broadest sense, pro-adoption. Advocating for the right of the children of the world to have the option of adoption open to them is the foundation of much of my work, and I do what I can to address issues that challenge these rights.

Anti-adoption forces exist in the world, and those are often easily dealt with as pie-in-the-sky attitudes that neglect reality beg correction.

What is not so easy for me, however, is responding to pro-adoption writings that make me cringe.

No matter how many children would benefit from a family, there are many, many reasons for families not to adopt, and although the reasons for are uncountable, wrong ones exist.

One big red flag against an adoption decision is any version of nobility. Seeking sainthood through bringing a child into a family is just plain wrong, and the idea of it is something successful adoptive parents rail against.

Dee Thompson adopted her daughter from Russia in 2004 when Dee was 41 and Alesia was 13. In 2007 she adopted 10 year old Michael from Kazakhstan. Dee is a paralegal and writer and lives in Atlanta. In 2007 she published a children's book called “Jack's New Family,” to help her son adjust to life in an adoptive family. She writes about her journey as a parent on her blog, The Crab Chronicles as well as movie reviews on Scribblerchick's Movie Dish.

Dee has blogged for us in the past and you can read her excellent previous blogs here.

Part I

I recently wrote an essay for the book Call Me Okaasan (out in May, from Wyatt-MacKenzie Publishing), about the challenges of raising children in a multi-cultural home. The essay was a labor of love and was certainly accurate. It addressed things like language, food, and hygiene considerations. However, in re-reading it months after I wrote it, I realized that I didn’t really address the real cultural issues that exist in my home.

What I see more often is that my children are mainly the products of three cultures which defy national boundaries, namely the culture called Orphanage, the culture called Poverty, and the culture of Alcoholism. Nothing could really have prepared me for the challenges I have faced in trying to deal with those cultures, and in many ways it has been a real struggle. Alesia, adopted at age 13, has been home from Russia almost 4 ½ years, and Michael, age 12, just celebrated his two year anniversary of being adopted, but I still struggle with dealing with their prior cultural biases and fears.

Dee Thompson adopted her daughter from Russia in 2004 when Dee was 41 and Alesia was 13. In 2007 she adopted 10 year old Michael from Kazakhstan. Dee is a paralegal and writer and lives in Atlanta. In 2007 she published a children's book called Jack's New Family, to help her son adjust to life in an adoptive family. She writes about her journey as a parent on her blog, The Crab Chronicles

Part II: Continued from here.

What I learned eventually was that a lot of kids who are poorly parented as babies or toddlers become Sneaky Kids. If a baby doesn’t get enough milk or a diaper change, she will do what she has to do, to get what she needs. She will hide from the drunk or impaired mom to avoid getting hit or yelled at. She will pick up food from the street and eat it. If there’s no toy available, she will steal it from another child if possible. Sneaky Kids are survivors who have adapted to a very precarious and neglectful environment. Just because they are taken out of that, it doesn’t mean they automatically change. Learning to trust a caretaking adult is difficult for Sneaky Kids.

Part of the Federici evaluation included testing for auditory processing. I learned Alesia has a Central Auditory Processing Disorder, and what that means – basically, her brain has trouble understanding anything verbal. She also had trouble visualizing as she read. My journey to get her the necessary help began. I bought books, looked into computer programs, and finally decided on a personalized tutoring program called Lindamood Bell, which is highly respected [http://www.lindamoodbell.com/].