Ouradopt guestblogger Jeffrey A. Hancoc discovered he was adopted when he was 41 years old. Apparently, his family never wanted him to know. However, when he requested his birth certificate from his mother, several times without receiving it, the truth was finally told. The truth led to quite a family drama. He was born 4-18-1965 somewhere in Buffalo, New York

Read Part 1 of Jeff’s story.

Read Part 2 of Jeff’s story.

Read Part 3 of Jeff’s story.

At the same time, so many more things make sense to me now. Odd little experiences over the years that now appear crystal clear. I understand comments made to me by the mean children at school and on the bus so many years ago. Comments, questions, and peculiar things said to me at church, family picnics, and around town. Also, why I was never accepted or included in family plans, or invited to join clubs or groups in school or especially at church; I was raised in a very strict and evangelical faith by uneducated, blue-collar, “God fearing” parents. I always felt I had one of only two destinies: 1) Become the next town drunk and fulfill the prophesy of mom’s church colleagues, or 2) surprise them all by following my older “brother’s” footsteps. Neither destiny felt comfortable to me. When Star Wars came out, I felt like Luke Skywalker. Was I to commit to the “Dark Side” or be a good little adoptee?

While I chose neither path to anyone’s particular predictions, at least I know now why during my childhood and teen years I felt people were always watching me, waiting for me to make some terrible life decision. It was because they really were expecting me to!

Ouradopt guestblogger Jeffrey A. Hancoc discovered he was adopted when he was 41 years old. Apparently, his family never wanted him to know. However, when he requested his birth certificate from his mother, several times without receiving it, the truth was finally told. The truth led to quite a family drama. He was born 4-18-1965 somewhere in Buffalo, New York

Read Part 1 of Jeff’s story.

Read Part 2 of Jeff’s story.

Everyone else I shared the letter with thought it was beautiful and should have made mom realize how much she is loved by me. Surprisingly, my brother stepped up to the plate, and told them they were wrong. Although he didn’t read the letter, he felt it was wrong for our sister to have; and that clearly I was only attempting to nurture my relationship with our mother. He also admitted to never taking any steps to have a relationship with me due to the 20-year age difference between us, and that now he feels a bit guilty. Not guilty enough to ever call or send a birthday card, but at least he knows through Mom that I’m still alive.

It wasn’t until Christmas 2007 that my sister spoke to me again. Before Mom's revelation my sister used to call us two or three times a week just to talk. Over the months following my Late-Discovery-Adoption I have had a million thoughts race through my head. Sometimes I feel grief, as if someone died, yet I don’t know who. I get angry sometimes, other times I’m depressed. Part of me wishes I’d been adopted by someone else, even though I miss my dad, and appreciate at least having a home as a child. Sometimes I remember how they never took an interest in things that mattered to me. I was capable of high grades in school. My Dad discouraged that for me.

Ouradopt guestblogger Jeffrey A. Hancoc discovered he was adopted when he was 41 years old. Apparently, his family never wanted him to know. However, when he requested his birth certificate from his mother, several times without receiving it, the truth was finally told. The truth led to quite a family drama. He was born 4-18-1965 somewhere in Buffalo, New York

Read Part 1 of Jeff’s story.

Mom was very upset upon having to reveal this deeply buried family secret. We drove for 2 hours for a visit so that she could give me my birth certificate and adoption paperwork. I could tell how upset she was. At that time, I was in a state of shock. I couldn’t talk about it all with her then. Now several months later, I still cannot speak to her about my adoption. I did make an honest attempt to communicate with my mom through a letter, to sooth her for being upset over revealing my adoption. Before I knew it the entire family was at my throat. At a time when I had a need for understanding and support of my adoptive family, and at a time when I felt my mother needed to hear that things were okay, they put me in my place for being a bad son.

Ouradopt guestblogger Jeffrey A. Hancoc discovered he was adopted when he was 41 years old. Apparently, his family never wanted him to know. However, when he requested his birth certificate from his mother, several times without receiving it, the truth was finally told. The truth led to quite a family drama. He was born 4-18-1965 somewhere in Buffalo, New York

In late 2006 it all started simply enough, as I requested my birth certificate from my mother. I bugged her for weeks to send it to me. She kept saying she’d look for it and that she was not sure she had it anymore. In reality, she knew where it was; locked in my sister’s safe! I was 41 years old then, and needed my birth certificate for a US Passport application. I have a close friend, my college buddy Kevin, who lives in Canada. I visit him as often as I can. However, the U.S. Department of Homeland Security planned new passport requirements at that time that were to take effect by 2008 (now). Either I get the required paperwork; or Ontario, Canada would no longer be my personal retreat.

Eventually, after weeks of requesting my paperwork, Mom called Mary Anne (my wife) at work. It was in spring 2007, a few days before my 42nd birthday. Mom is in tears, and spills her guts about my adoption story. Mary Anne comes home from work early to tell me. Turns out, Mom did a lot of calling before she told Mary Anne. Mom called my Aunt Ethel, my in-laws, my sister Cindy, and my brother Denny for advice. Aunt Ethel, who was the best aunt in the world, told her that, “Jeff’s a lot smarter then you’ve ever given him credit for, and surely Jeff probably figured it out long before now.”