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Open Adoption
Guest Blog: Opening the Adoption
Patricia Dischler is the author of "Because I Loved You: A Birthmother's View of Open Adoption", a speaker, child care professional and birthmother. Read more from Patricia here.
Continued from here…
Talk about a plan changing moment! I had not expected to get to see Joe again until after he turned 18, and there were no guarantees even at that point. This was a change that not only thrilled me, but frightened me as well. Would he question my decision? Would he like who I had become? What type of questions would he ask? I decided to embrace the change and go for it.
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Guest Blog: Change in Level of Contact
Patricia Dischler is the author of "Because I Loved You: A Birthmother's View of Open Adoption", a speaker, child care professional and birthmother. Read more from Patricia here.
Continued from here…
Next, getting the letters and photo. I couldn't wait. This time I was the one to request the change, anxious to hear my son was home, loved and okay, I asked for something to come early. His adoptive parents could have easily stuck to the plan. But they recognized the pain I was in and not only sent a letter and photo, but two very long letters, and a bulging envelope full of photos of my happy, beautiful son. It was just what I needed. And the other surprise - the letter was not all about Joe as I expected it to be. The first two pages were all about me, his parents asking if I was okay, thanking me for my decision and having the strength to follow it through, wishing me happiness and success in my future. This took me so off guard I sat stunned holding the letter for a long time. I had wanted them to love and care for Joe, but here they were showing respect and care for me.
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Guest Blog: Change of Plans
Patricia Dischler is the author of "Because I Loved You: A Birthmother's View of Open Adoption", a speaker, child care professional and birthmother. Read more from Patricia here.
Continued from here…
Now, if someone would have told that at the time we made the plan, I might have been too scared to follow through on it. But that's now how life works. We make decisions and plans based on the information we have at the time we make them. Then, time passes, and things change. We can either throw a fit because things changed, trying to force them not to, or we can accept that circumstances have changed, roll with it, and make new decisions based on the new information. In other words - grow.
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Guest Blog: Change Is Inevitable, Growth Is Optional
Patricia Dischler is the author of "Because I Loved You: A Birthmother's View of Open Adoption", a speaker, child care professional and birthmother. Read more from Patricia here.
I don't remember who is was that said this, but the first time I heard it, it stuck. I think of this statement often. All the times I thought I knew the path my life was going to follow, the times I made plans, the times I made decisions based on what I was sure the future would look like. Then all the times just after these where my life turned corners, dashed my plans out the window, and turned things around so much that decisions I once thought were good, seemed ridiculously wrong. But I also see how each time major change came into my life, I learned something new, and I had an opportunity to grow and become a better person, to aim my life down an even better path. I like to think that for the most part I took advantage of these twists and turns and embraced them as an opportunity for growth. Adoption is once such opportunity.
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GUEST BLOG: Ways for Adoptees to Search for Their Biological Parents

Special thanks to Marjorie for preparing this list for our readers.
Some of our readers are adoptees who have found their birth parents, others are not and are searching. I asked one of our guest bloggers, Marjorie, to prepare a list of how to go about searching for birth parents. If you have any other suggestions please post them in the comment section below this blog or send me an email at lisas@ouradopt.com. At Adoption Under One Roof we feel it is essential to offer help to all members of the adoption triad and to share any information we have. To those of you who are searching, good luck.
In getting started, you will first need to know your biological parents first and last names. While browsing the Internet for locating people just simply insert their names and if you know what city or state they reside in the information will come very handy. Making contact with your natural parents is likely to be time-consuming but it's not likely to be time wasted.
Then:
1. Join every search registry you can
2. Find out in what state or country you were born ..what hospital if you can as the birth records are there.
3. Find out the adoption agency from which you were adopted and see if they have any information for you or ways to search.
4. Adoptees Liberty Movement (ALMA) is very helpful.
5. Get a copy of your Adoption Decree if you can as it states the name of your biological mother on it in many instances
Complexity of Open/Semi-Open Adoptions with Adopted Siblings

My adopted child is taking ice skating lessons in a nearby city. I usually carpool with a friend, but this week I had to drive myself because my son had a doctor’s appointment in a nearby town. The MapQuest directions from the doctor to the ice skating rink brought me along the same route that I used to take when hub and I were going through our home study to adopt a second child. That got me thinking about the issues that concerned me back when we were going through the adoption process a second time. (We ultimately decided not to adopt again.)
One of my biggest concerns was the level of openness to have with the second adopted child’s birth mother. At the time, we had a semi-open adoption with my son’s birth mother, and we wanted another semi-open or an open adoption with the second child’s birth mother. However, I had concerns about whether differences in the level of openness with birth mom #2 would have a negative effect on my first adopted child.
For example, my first (and now only) adopted child’s birth mother asked to receive semi-annual letters, but she chose not to send any letters back to us. My son has never received a letter, card, or present from his birth mother, which is completely okay. However, what if birth mother #2 did want to send these things to her birth child? How would that make my son feel?
Searching for a Birthmother - Part II: Choosing A Person to Search for Your Adopted Child’s Birthmother
In my previous blog about birthmother* searches, I suggested asking yourself some hard questions before you begin a search for your adopted child's birthmother. Once you have decided to execute a search, you need someone to do it for you unless you are doing it yourself.
My experience is limited to searching for a birthmother in Guatemala, but some of this advice is relevant for completing a birthmother search anywhere – in the US or outside US borders.
1. Do not choose the first birthmother searcher you hear about. Get the names of several searchers and research their credentials.
2. Ask for references from people who completed searches with the birthmother searcher and call them.
3. Find out how many searches the birthmother searchers have completed and how successful they have been.
4. Compare prices. Some birthmother searchers are more expensive than others; sometimes there are hidden costs. For example, searchers may have you pay a small price up front, but “al a carte” pricing for every additional service they provide. Some searchers quote a much higher price initially that is all inclusive: transportation, telephone calls, transcripts of information, photos, etc.
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Learning to Read the Signs that Your Adopted Child has Heard Enough

In one of Faith’s recent blogs, she reported that her son had said “I don’t want to talk about it anymore,” when he no longer wanted to continue the conversation about the sad passing of his birthmother. This is a standard response from an adopted child of his age and parents would be wise not to push their child even one iota beyond what their child can handle. Faith’s son is in grade school.
Younger children, such as my daughter who is 4 years old, may simply say, “I’m done,” or just jump off your lap and walk away when they want the conversation about birth parents to end. I recently received updated information about my daughter’s birthmother that I shared with Ella.. I knew the instant the conversation was over.
That’s enough,” she said, and bounced off my lap.
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Our Adopted Daughter’s Chanukah Miracle: Her Birthmother Has Been Found
We have found my adopted daughter’s birthmother in Guatemala. The searcher who took this upon herself has sent us photographs and updated information.
Three years and ten months ago I was getting acquainted with my soon to be adopted daughter in a hotel in Guatemala City. A new friend and fellow adoptive parent asked me if I’d ever want to meet my daughter’s birthmother. At that time, I clearly remember saying “no”; having an “involved” birthmother was not something I wanted.
No sooner had I brought Ella home from Guatemala and I found myself poring over the adoption documents learning whatever I could about the birthparents and trying to fill in the spaces between the lines. I wanted to meet the person who had given birth to this baby who was incredibly adorable and loveable, to share the important milestones with her, and thank her for the ultimate and painful sacrifice she had made. I decided that one day I would search for her even though she had requested no future contact. Perhaps she had changed her mind.
My gut instinct said “go ahead, do it.”
It was the right decision
Other reasons I had a birthmother search done:
1. Listening to adoptees over the last four years convinced me of an adoptee’s need to have as much information about her birthparents as possible, and in some cases the opportunity to meet them as well.
2. Most birthmothers in Guatemala want to know that their child is alive, healthy, and loved. So many rumors about the welfare of adopted children circulate in Guatemala, the worst being that they are adopted for their body organs.
Would You Refuse to Adopt a Newborn Because…

What are some of the reasons that potential adoptive parents refuse to adopt a newborn? Some seem quite logical but others may surprise you. Certainly, there are people who are not cut out to parent children with severe special needs. Some bring up the argument that you would not have a choice if the child were born to you. However, that is not exactly true. I have seen married couples place a child born to them with Down syndrome for adoption, because they did not feel qualified to parent the child. I have seen adoptive parents leave the child they were to adopt at the hospital because the child was born without a limb, blind, with spina bifida, the wrong gender, or some other “defect.” Lately though, I have come across a few reasons on message boards and in person that frankly shocked me. I mean if someone desperately wanted to start a family and find a newborn to adopt then why would they refuse over something trivial?
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