Patricia Dischler is the author of "Because I Loved You: A Birthmother's View of Open Adoption", a speaker, child care professional and birthmother. Read more from Patricia here.

Continued from here…

Now, if someone would have told that at the time we made the plan, I might have been too scared to follow through on it. But that's now how life works. We make decisions and plans based on the information we have at the time we make them. Then, time passes, and things change. We can either throw a fit because things changed, trying to force them not to, or we can accept that circumstances have changed, roll with it, and make new decisions based on the new information. In other words - grow.

Special thanks to Marjorie for preparing this list for our readers.

Some of our readers are adoptees who have found their birth parents, others are not and are searching. I asked one of our guest bloggers, Marjorie, to prepare a list of how to go about searching for birth parents. If you have any other suggestions please post them in the comment section below this blog or send me an email at lisas@ouradopt.com.  At Adoption Under One Roof we feel it is essential to offer help to all members of the adoption triad and to share any information we have. To those of you who are searching, good luck.

In getting started, you will first need to know your biological parents first and last names. While browsing the Internet for locating people just simply insert their names and if you know what city or state they reside in the information will come very handy. Making contact with your natural parents is likely to be time-consuming but it's not likely to be time wasted.

Then:

1. Join every search registry you can

2. Find out in what state or country you were born ..what hospital if you can as the birth records are there.

3. Find out the adoption agency from which you were adopted and see if they have any information for you or ways to search.

4. Adoptees Liberty Movement (ALMA) is very helpful.

5. Get a copy of your Adoption Decree if you can as it states the name of your biological mother on it in many instances

In my previous blog about birthmother* searches, I suggested asking yourself some hard questions before you begin a search for your adopted child's birthmother. Once you have decided to execute a search, you need someone to do it for you unless you are doing it yourself.

My experience is limited to searching for a birthmother in Guatemala, but some of this advice is relevant for completing a birthmother search anywhere – in the US or outside US borders.

1. Do not choose the first birthmother searcher you hear about. Get the names of several searchers and research their credentials.

 2. Ask for references from people who completed searches with the birthmother searcher and call them.

3. Find out how many searches the birthmother searchers have completed and how successful they have been.

4. Compare prices. Some birthmother searchers are more expensive than others; sometimes there are hidden costs. For example, searchers may have you pay a small price up front, but “al a carte” pricing for every additional service they provide. Some searchers quote a much higher price initially that is all inclusive: transportation, telephone calls, transcripts of information, photos, etc.

We have found my adopted daughter’s birthmother in Guatemala. The searcher who took this upon herself has sent us photographs and updated information.

Three years and ten months ago I was getting acquainted with my soon to be adopted daughter in a hotel in Guatemala City. A new friend and fellow adoptive parent asked me if I’d ever want to meet my daughter’s birthmother. At that time, I clearly remember saying “no”; having an “involved” birthmother was not something I wanted.

No sooner had I brought Ella home from Guatemala and I found myself poring over the adoption documents learning whatever I could about the birthparents and trying to fill in the spaces between the lines. I wanted to meet the person who had given birth to this baby who was incredibly adorable and loveable, to share the important milestones with her, and thank her for the ultimate and painful sacrifice she had made. I decided that one day I would search for her even though she had requested no future contact. Perhaps she had changed her mind.

My gut instinct said “go ahead, do it.” 

It was the right decision

Other reasons I had a birthmother search done:

1. Listening to adoptees over the last four years convinced me of an adoptee’s need to have as much information about her birthparents as possible, and in some cases the opportunity to meet them as well.

2. Most birthmothers in Guatemala want to know that their child is alive, healthy, and loved. So many rumors about the welfare of adopted children circulate in Guatemala, the worst being that they are adopted for their body organs.