Adoption is filled with many pre-adoption fears. I was incredibly fearful before I adopted my child. Will I pass the home study? What if I am never matched with an expecting mother? Would the adoption fall through? Would the birth mother come back into our lives while my child was still a minor? Would my adopted child reject me when he is grown?

These were all fears that I felt from the perspective of an infertile woman who desperately wanted to adopt a baby, but what about the pre-adoption fears of an expecting mother or father? I can only imagine their fears: Am I making the right decision? Will the adoptive parents love my baby? Will my baby be safe? Will my baby understand why I placed him for adoption? Will I ever see my baby again? Will my baby want to see me when she is grown? Will the adoptive parents honor the terms of the open or semi-adoption?

My extended family had their own fears.

So You Want to Adopt... Now What?: A Practical Guide for Navigating the Adoption Process author: Sara Dormon,Ruth Graham asin: 0830738991

When we think of babies being placed for adoption we often picture a teenage girl “in trouble” as they used to say. However this is far from always the case and here is a story to prove it.

Renee Siegfort is the 36 year old mother of three teenagers. When she discovered she was pregnant again she was delighted however her boyfriend of three years was not. Renee could not take on the added expenses of another child by herself; she was barely making ends meet as it was as an office manager in a chiropractic firm.

When Renee’s baby was born she nursed her for six days and then handed her over to her adoptive parents. As difficult a decision as it was, Renee says that she has “never been more at peace in my life…”

According to several large adoption agencies, more women with unplanned pregnancies are choosing adoption for their babies. The owner of a private adoption agency in Kansas says he has seen a 10-12% increase in women inquiring about placing their children for adoption, while there has been a 7-10% increase in actual placements. Often these women are in their twenties and already have a child.

Making Room in Our Hearts: Keeping Family Ties Through Open Adoption author: Micky Duxbury asin: 0415955025

Melissa Nilsen lives in Minneapolis with her husband and two-year old daughter. She writes articles on open adoption and blogs about being a birthmother and mom. Check out her blog at: www.birthmomguide.blogspot.com

See Articles by Melissa at Tapestry Books on-line.

We live in an individualistic society. Our culture teaches us that we should be able to thrive by our own grit, our own merit. But are we meant to be so individualistic? We are pack people by nature; genetically designed to depend on a clan.

My birthdaughter’s mother helped me to glimpse the struggle that adoptive parents endure as they accept their inability to start a family on their own. There was a lot of anger and pain surrounding Sandy’s infertility. After three failed In Vitro Fertilization attempts, she and her husband commiserated over margaritas. I think her exact words were, “Great, now I’m going to have some teenage girl deciding if I’m a fit parent.”

Now we can laugh about how much she dreaded the person who turned out to be *me*. But in the months that she and Tom worked toward adoption, there was a lot of pain and anger stemming from her own feelings of inadequacy. Sandy felt that she should be able to produce children. She didn’t want to have to depend on me, a high school girl accidentally pregnant, to make her life feel complete.

Arms Wide Open: An Insight into Open Adoption author: Jane Waters asin: 1420878549

My name is Melissa Nilsen. I am a mother and a writer in Minneapolis. After seven years in an open adoption relationship, my husband and I had our first daughter. Our daughter has loved getting to know her biological half-sister as she has grown up. I write articles on adoption and blog about being a mother and a birthmother. Check out my blog at: www.birthmomguide.blogspot.com  Also see articles by me at Tapestry Books on-line.

1999

When I was a senior in high school, I got pregnant. My boyfriend and I had a tumultuous relationship. But despite our instability, I planned for nearly eight months to parent with him.

Then in July, when I was seven-and-a-half months pregnant, my boyfriend and I got into yet another fight. It was a Friday and we were discussing our plans for the weekend. He wanted to go out to a party; I wanted to stay home and watch a movie.

As our disagreement became an all-too-common spat, I suddenly stopped. My interest in fighting just drained out of me. I was finished. But I didn’t feel cold or empty; angry or scared. In fact, I felt suddenly full. At that moment, I didn’t care if I spent this Friday night or any Friday night with him again. It was in that moment I saw my future with him.

Now, before some of you start throwing rotten tomatoes at me for the title of my blog entry, let me specify that somebody found Adoption Under One Roof by searching for the answer to the question, “Why is placing a child in an open adoption a better decision than parenting for teens today?” I thought this would make a good blog topic.

Let me start by saying that I do not believe that “one size fits all” when it comes to teen pregnancy. I have met some great parents who did a fine job raising their children, even though they were teenagers when they had their children. I have also seen a foster care system overflowing with numerous children who were born to teen parents. I have known teen birth mothers who placed their babies into open adoptions who have remained very much at peace with their decision into adulthood. I have known other birth mothers who rue the day they ever considered placing a baby into an open adoption. No, one size does not fit all.

The person asking the question, “Why is placing a child in an open adoption a better decision than parenting for teens today?” is looking for an explanation of why some people believe that open adoption is preferable, so I am going to focus upon that topic today.

Looking for ways to include your child's birthparents in your Easter celebration, but not quite sure how to go about it? Below are ten different ways to include your child's birthparents in your Easter celebration, and there is something that suites each degree of openness in adoption. So regardless if your adoption is open, semi-open, or closed, there is a little something for you on this list.

• Invite them to your church service. Or attend the service that they usually go to.

• Send an Easter Card from your child. If you have a closed adoption your child can fill a card out and save it in a keepsake box.

• Send a picture of your child with the Easter Bunny along with a special Easter update letter.

• If they live near by let one of them dress up as the Easter Bunny and surprise your child.

  The Night Before Easter author: Natasha Wing asin: 0448418738

Today's guest blogger is Patricia Dischler, the author of "Because I Loved You: A Birthmother's View of Open Adoption", a speaker, child care professional and birthmother. Read more from Patricia here.

Would you like to do more to inform the public about the truths in Open Adoption? Would you like every pregnant teen to get solid information instead of a handful of myths? Catholic Charities in Dubuque, Iowa, had a great idea on how to accomplish this, and I'd like to help other agencies to do the same.

Last fall they purchased a case of my book, Because I Loved You: A Birthmother's View of Open Adoption, to distribute to all of the doctors in their area. They felt strongly that a doctor is the first contact a teen has in an unplanned pregnancy so it is the best place to provide honest information regarding open adoption before she leaves and faces the myths that still prevail in general society. I have made a commitment to really make changes in what the public knows about adoption in 2009, and I think this is a great way to start!

Today's guest blogger is Patricia Dischler, the author of "Because I Loved You: A Birthmother's View of Open Adoption", a speaker, child care professional and birthmother. Read more from Patricia here.

Continued from here.

Once there is mutual respect in a relationship, and each person feels this respect from the other, trust is established. You know you can trust the other person to understand and respect your feelings, you know you can trust them to support you in what you do because they respect it.

This trust bleeds into all parts of your relationship. You trust the other person not to hurt you, because they understand what hurts you. You stop worrying about the relationship because you’ve traveled a journey together and you have experiences behind you that have built this trust.

Today's guest blogger is Patricia Dischler, the author of "Because I Loved You: A Birthmother's View of Open Adoption", a speaker, child care professional and birthmother. Read more from Patricia here.

Continued from here.

When I received my first letter from Kathy and Jerry, I was scared to read it. Scared because I knew it was going to be really hard to hear them talk about how wonderful Joe was and how much they enjoyed every moment with him. Scared because hearing this would also remind me how it wasn’t me enjoying those moments.

So, when I began to read, and instead read lines such as “How are you feeling? How is your family? We really want to know what you are doing now and that you’re okay.” We had not had the benefit of meeting first, so they did not know the reasons I had chose them, but they used that first letter to ask lots of questions about me, to get to know me, to find those common interests.

In just a few letter exchanges, Kathy and I knew we both loved to read, go camping and hiking, and after that, most letters began with a discussion about these topics.

Today's guest blogger is Patricia Dischler, the author of "Because I Loved You: A Birthmother's View of Open Adoption", a speaker, child care professional and birthmother. Read more from Patricia here.

Continued from here.

All relationships get their jump start from having common interests. When you take the child out of the equation, what is the common interest between adoptive parents and birthmothers? This is a key question, and something that birthmothers are looking to answer when they are choosing the parents for their child.

When adoptive parents create their scrapbook to give to birthmothers, it’s important they fill this with all the things that tell about who they are, what they like, what they dislike, their hobbies and interests, what they feel passionately about, what their goals for the future are. When birthmother’s look these over, they looking for a way to trust adoptive parents. To get to trust, you have to have that first step – common interest.