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Patricia Dischler

Guest Blog: More to Love

Submitted by GuestBlogger on Tue, 08/31/2010 - 06:49
  • Open Adoption
  • Patricia Dischler

Patricia DischlerPatricia Dischler is the author of "Because I Loved You: A Birthmother's View of Open Adoption", a speaker, child care professional and birthmother. Read more from Patricia here.

I am often asked if there was any tension between my son's adoptive mother and I in regards to who holds the title of "Mom." I always grin a little because I get a visual of the two of us, each holding the edge of a golden crown with "Mom" engraved on it, having a tug of war with it. Such a silly thought! I've never been a person that defined people by titles, and that applies to myself. I believe actions and relationships are more powerful than a single word stamped on a person's forehead. So, when I'm asked "What does your son call you?" and I know this loaded question is referring to that tug of war on a title, my answer is: "I don't care if he calls me Snicklefritz, as long as he picks up the phone and calls me!"

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Guest Blog: Birth Siblings – Follow Up to the Story

Submitted by GuestBlogger on Thu, 08/05/2010 - 06:11
  • Birth siblings
  • Patricia Dischler
  • relationship with birth sibling

Patricia DischlerPatricia Dischler is the author of "Because I Loved You: A Birthmother's View of Open Adoption", a speaker, child care professional and birthmother. Read more from Patricia here.

Continued from here…

This article was originally written a couple of years ago. This is a follow-up to the story.

I recently asked my nine year old daughter how she felt about Joe being her brother. Here's what she said:

He's nice, he has a pretty fiancé. I don't understand why you placed him for adoption, he's a great kid, why would you want to do that? I wish he lived with us. I wish we could visit him more."

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Guest Blog: Birth Siblings – Building Relationships

Submitted by GuestBlogger on Wed, 08/04/2010 - 06:09
  • Birth siblings
  • Patricia Dischler
  • relationship with birth sibling

Patricia DischlerPatricia Dischler is the author of "Because I Loved You: A Birthmother's View of Open Adoption", a speaker, child care professional and birthmother. Read more from Patricia here.

Continued from here…

Both my girls love the fact that they have a brother. And Joe very much enjoys the role of big brother to them both. They know he's there for them, even though we only see each other once a year or so. But they talk often on the phone and by email, and it's always as if they just saw him the day before.

I am very thankful to Joe's parents for teaching me how honesty was the best path with the issue of siblings. My girls are very proud of their brother, and he treasures them as well. I know that as they become adults this is something they will share and have when they need family and I am gone. My girls share with their friends the fact that they have a brother, and they do it with such pride and simple honesty that it is not questioned or judged. Joe, I know, has done the same during his life.

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Guest Blog: Birth Siblings – Face-to-Face Meeting

Submitted by GuestBlogger on Tue, 08/03/2010 - 06:07
  • Birth siblings
  • Patricia Dischler
  • relationship with birth sibling

Patricia DischlerPatricia Dischler is the author of "Because I Loved You: A Birthmother's View of Open Adoption", a speaker, child care professional and birthmother. Read more from Patricia here.

Continued from here…

When she got the chance she grabbed his hand and pulled him down to the sandbox at the campground to play. Joe happily obliged. About a half hour later, I stood on my parents’ deck watching Joe walk towards the house with a giddy, wild haired girl riding his shoulders with absolute joy on her face.

When they reached the house, Rachel hopped clumsily off and ran over to tell me the story she would hold dear to her heart for the rest of her life: at the sandbox, a boy had been mean to her and Joe had told him to stop and scooped her up on his shoulders and whisked her away - he was her hero. I smiled, knowing that he not only exceeded her expectations, but that from that moment on, "my brudder" would not just be words she practiced, but they would be real.

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Guest Blog: Birth Siblings – Laying Foundation for Relationship

Submitted by GuestBlogger on Mon, 08/02/2010 - 06:51
  • Birth siblings
  • Patricia Dischler
  • relationship with birth sibling

Patricia DischlerPatricia Dischler is the author of "Because I Loved You: A Birthmother's View of Open Adoption", a speaker, child care professional and birthmother. Read more from Patricia here.

"You're picture is in his room," his Mother wrote. As usual, the questions I was too afraid to ask were the ones she sensed and answered before they were even asked. My son's adoptive mother wrote to me in her very first letter about how she had placed my photo in his room, and had placed the gifts I sent him home with from the hospital on a special shelf.

Each year, as the letters came, she told me of how they talked with Joe about me. In the beginning, it was simply telling him my name. As he grew, the questions became more detailed, and her answers followed. By the time he was five, I had married and had just had a baby girl, his sister. I sent them the photo, but without instructions. And the reply was as I knew it would be: "We put her picture next to yours in his room, Joe is very excited to have a baby sister!"

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Guest Blog: Share your Adoption Story!

Submitted by GuestBlogger on Thu, 07/08/2010 - 06:53
  • Adoptees
  • Adoption basics
  • Adoptive family
  • Birth Family
  • Patricia Dischler

Patricia DischlerPatricia Dischler is the author of "Because I Loved You: A Birthmother's View of Open Adoption", a speaker, child care professional and birthmother. Read more from Patricia here.

Continued from here…

Some birthmothers have tight, supportive families, some have families that pressure them to keep their child, some have families that pressure them to place their child, some have no family at all. Some adoptive parents want to adopt to bring a new dimension to their families, some have been trying to get pregnant for years and are coming from a place of pain and have very low thresholds for any more, some have families that support adoption, some don't, some embrace openness, some feel forced into it, some are so scared of it they don't know if they can even try. Some adoptees are brought up knowing all about their adoption, some are told when they are preschoolers, some are told when they are in high school, some are never told and find out by accident. Some counselors support open adoption, some do not. Some adoptive parents receive great counseling and guidance, some never receive any. Some birthmothers receive great counseling and are helped to look closely at both options in order to ensure there will be no regrets, some are only pushed towards adoption, some receive no counseling at all. We all have a story to tell. We often make assumptions about how others think and feel even within our own stories. Let's change that.

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Guest Blog: Cannot Put Anyone in Adoption Triad in a Box

Submitted by GuestBlogger on Wed, 07/07/2010 - 06:50
  • Adoptees
  • Adoption basics
  • Adoptive family
  • Birth Family
  • Patricia Dischler

Patricia DischlerPatricia Dischler is the author of "Because I Loved You: A Birthmother's View of Open Adoption", a speaker, child care professional and birthmother. Read more from Patricia here.

Continued from here…

When I first began to write my memoir I wrote my story, what I knew and what I believed to be the story. But as I began to share it with my family, I quickly discovered that much of my story surprised them! Aunts that had no idea of the struggle of my decision and the pain of following it through who wish they had so they could have offered support. Sisters that I had no idea just how much of an impact my choice had made on their lives. My parents and I sharing for the first time the true depths of the emotional struggle the journey had been for each of us. I made these discoveries, one by one, and slowly began to piece together more of the story, more of the truths.

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Guest Blog: Everyone Has a Story in Adoption

Submitted by GuestBlogger on Tue, 07/06/2010 - 06:48
  • Adoptees
  • Adoption basics
  • Adoptive family
  • Birth Family
  • Patricia Dischler

Patricia DischlerPatricia Dischler is the author of "Because I Loved You: A Birthmother's View of Open Adoption", a speaker, child care professional and birthmother. Read more from Patricia here.

I recently read a draft of an adoption book a friend of mine is writing; it is a wonderful story from an adoptee's point of view on how she went searching for her birth family. What she found reminded me of the fact that everyone has a story. So often, we see the world through our own point of view and tell ourselves that these are the truths. But we must remember that what we see and what we know is only a part of the truth: it is our truth, but not necessarily that of others. In her story, her birthmother spent decades believing something was true about the birthfather. For his part, he spent decades thinking something was true about the birthmother. Yet, as my friend discovers, each was missing important information that would have completely changed what they thought to be true.

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Guest Blog: Opening the Adoption

Submitted by GuestBlogger on Tue, 06/15/2010 - 06:36
  • Open Adoption
  • Patricia Dischler
  • placing a baby for adoption
  • post-adoption contact
  • semi-open adoption

Patricia DischlerPatricia Dischler is the author of "Because I Loved You: A Birthmother's View of Open Adoption", a speaker, child care professional and birthmother. Read more from Patricia here.

Continued from here…

Talk about a plan changing moment! I had not expected to get to see Joe again until after he turned 18, and there were no guarantees even at that point. This was a change that not only thrilled me, but frightened me as well. Would he question my decision? Would he like who I had become? What type of questions would he ask? I decided to embrace the change and go for it.

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Guest Blog: Change in Level of Contact

Submitted by GuestBlogger on Mon, 06/14/2010 - 06:35
  • Open Adoption
  • Patricia Dischler
  • placing a baby for adoption
  • post-adoption contact
  • semi-open adoption

Patricia DischlerPatricia Dischler is the author of "Because I Loved You: A Birthmother's View of Open Adoption", a speaker, child care professional and birthmother. Read more from Patricia here.

Continued from here…

Next, getting the letters and photo. I couldn't wait. This time I was the one to request the change, anxious to hear my son was home, loved and okay, I asked for something to come early. His adoptive parents could have easily stuck to the plan. But they recognized the pain I was in and not only sent a letter and photo, but two very long letters, and a bulging envelope full of photos of my happy, beautiful son. It was just what I needed. And the other surprise - the letter was not all about Joe as I expected it to be. The first two pages were all about me, his parents asking if I was okay, thanking me for my decision and having the strength to follow it through, wishing me happiness and success in my future. This took me so off guard I sat stunned holding the letter for a long time. I had wanted them to love and care for Joe, but here they were showing respect and care for me.

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