real mom

Adopted Child’s Nightmares About His “Real Mom”

Submitted by FaithA on Wed, 02/10/2010 - 07:58

Child sleeping (c) Lynda BernhardtMy nine-year-old adopted child has been having a recurring nightmare that has him very upset. He says that I walk into the room, but I am not “me.” I am not dressed like myself or acting like myself. In his last dream, I was wearing green and yellow striped shoes, and that got him so upset that he started shaking when he told me about the dream. I asked him why it upset him so much that I was wearing green and yellow striped shoes. He replied, “It’s not you. You weren’t you, mom!”

I am pretty good at decoding dreams for people I know well, and I think this dream is his subconscious processing his adoption.

Adopted Child: “You’re Not My Real Mom, Anyhow”

Submitted by FaithA on Mon, 11/16/2009 - 07:22

Loner (c) Lynda BernhardtSorry about dropping off the face of the earth last week. I came down with the H1N1 virus last week – not fun! I ran a fever for two days and stayed very dizzy for five days. I am so thankful to cross that “joy” off of my list of things to do. On to a much more interesting (and less nauseating) topic … adoption!

On 90210 last week, adopted child Dixon (played by Tristan Wilds) said those dreaded words to his adoptive mother, Debbie (played by Lori Loughlin): “You’re not my real mother, anyhow.”

Let me back up. Dixon’s girlfriend claimed to be pregnant as a way to keep Dixon from breaking up with her. Debbie figured it out, called the girlfriend on her scam, and told her to stay away from her son. The girlfriend claimed that she had a miscarriage. Dixon beat himself up over how he handled the “pregnancy,” so Debbie finally came clean with the truth. Dixon was very angry with Debbie for keeping this information from him. Dixon’s adoptive father, Harry (played by Rob Estes) tried to intervene, but Dixon responded that Debbie isn’t his “real mother” anyhow.”

Oh how I dread the day that those words are thrown at me by an angry teenager. It is one thing for an eight-year-old child to lash out in anger with those words because a little kid does not really get the damage that those words can inflict. A seventeen-year-old adopted child knows d@#$ well the damage that those words can cause, but he chose to do it, anyhow.

“If You Say She Isn’t My Real Mom Again, I’ll Hit You!”

Submitted by FaithA on Wed, 06/03/2009 - 08:00

Mother and child (c) Lynda BernhardtWoo, boy – don’t get my kid mad at you! That is what one of my son’s little friends learned recently.

My adopted child is eight years old, and he has always known that he joined our family through adoption. This basic fact about his life is so second nature that he does not think twice about saying, “My other mother,” around his friends. Of course, most of his friends are not familiar with adoption and are thrown for a loop the first time he says such a thing.

My son made this reference last week to two of his friends (brothers who are very close in age). They both had some questions about adoption, which I fielded in an honest and age-appropriate way. The older brother asked, “So you are not his real mom?” I said that I did not give birth to him but that I am still his real mom.

The next day, my son was playing with these boys again when the younger one made the mistake of saying, “Faith’s not your real mom, anyhow.”