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Guest Blog: Humpty Dumpty Had a Great Fall – 850 Miles Away, Is Dad Still There? Part 2

Another honest, real life, older child adoption guest blog from John. He is a retired commercial airline pilot who has adopted five boys, over three decades, from domestic foster care as a single parent. John and his family live in southern California.

Continued from Part 1. Every night he had to fill out a self report on his day. What did he do well, what went badly? What was most frustrating, etc. I was given a copy of them each week. Life was unfair; he was being blamed for things that weren’t his fault. The school sucked. The kids were damaged, and he wasn’t, and the staff was mean. There was another boy there that he truly disliked. Many nights his answer to “What did you do today that you were really proud of?” was, ‘I didn’t annihilate Kyle Goodman’. Kyle was two years older, and somewhat more beefy than Tyler, Kyle would not have been annihilated.

With each week there was progress. He was doing less and less deflecting responsibility, and more searching for answers. It was slow but steady. Nice even happened sometimes. We spent Thanksgiving and his birthday apart. We were going to spend Christmas night together, due to the schedule for the procedure that I needed to do with him.

Christmas night, I picked him up at 9PM, and we drove to the motel. On the way, he told me about something that really upset him.

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Guest Blog: Humpty Dumpty Had a Great Fall – 850 Miles Away, Is Dad Still There? Part 1

Another honest, real life, older child adoption guest blog from John. He is a retired commercial airline pilot who has adopted five boys, over three decades, from domestic foster care as a single parent. John and his family live in southern California.

Tyler had done what he had always been so good at, forcing a move, sixteen placements in five years of foster care. Now, after almost a year of adoption, attachment was happening, he had just forced another move. This time he was in a different state, many miles from home, about to start living in a therapeutic group home. The adoption was final, but Tyler was victorious, the move had happened, Dad was gone, or maybe Tyler was.

I have a Cessna 180 and flew up to his area the day after he arrived, It was beautiful flying weather. The director of the school met me at the airport and drove me to the school with all of Tyler’s belongings from the airplane. Not a large facility, a total of 20 boys, but very much out in the sticks. .

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Guest Blog: Humpty Dumpty Had a Great Fall, 3:45 AM - Good Bye Son

Another honest, real life, older child adoption guest blog from John. He is a retired commercial airline pilot who has adopted five boys, over three decades, from domestic foster care as a single parent. John and his family live in southern California.

Tyler’s behavior was deteriorating by the day. Physical, out of control emotionally, disconnected. I told Tyler about the plan for him to go to a therapeutic board and care, wow, not OK. In the Psychiatrist’s office, I told him that we would be going to the school on the following Thursday. Eruption, “I will not go and you can’t make me”. Very loud, I realized that my plan to take him to the school (850 miles away) was not going to work. The director of the school suggested having him escorted. These firms do just that, take kids from home to the facility that they need to get to, safely. I talked to the head of the firm, he was very professional, very knowledgeable, very understanding, and with extensive experience working at RTCs. Not cheap, $4,000, out of my pocket. No choice really, and we set it up for the following Monday.

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An Unfixable Child

John's avatarToday's guest blog is from John, a former commercial airline pilot who has adopted four boys from domestic foster care as a single parent. John and his family live in southern California. 

When we adopt from foster care, we all hope that love, careful parenting, and persistence will solve our new child’s problems. Most of the time, it works that way. This is the story of my middle son who came home from foster care at age 9, his name is Steven and we are adopted. Steven fits into that other group, he is an unfixable child.